AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, knowing my position on it?

A Reddit user reflects on a tough breakup with his girlfriend after she proposed an open relationship, despite knowing his strict monogamous stance from the beginning. After several comments about other attractive people and an ultimately heated conversation, he decided to end things to avoid emotional turmoil. Now, he questions whether he was wrong for standing firm on his values.

‘ AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, knowing my position on it?’

I’ve (19M) been with my girlfriend (20F) for about 2-3 years now. Things have always been good between us; we had a solid relationship, sweet moments, and all the usual stuff that comes with being in a serious, committed relationship.

From the beginning, we were clear that our relationship would be exclusive. I’m strictly monogamous. I don’t have anything against open relationships or polyamory, but it’s just not something I could handle in a serious relationship, where my feelings are involved.

Lately, though, things started to get weird. She began making comments about other guys, saying how she found some random dude sexy or how attractive someone else was. At first, I just brushed it off and didn’t make a big deal out of it but these comments became more frequent, and honestly it started to feel a bit overwhelming.

Then came the real shocker, she told me she was starting to get interested in other people. She said she still loved me, but she wanted to explore things both personally and s**ually so she then asked, “What if we opened the relationship?” I was stunned for a moment and nervously laughed, which she noticed. I half-joked, half-seriously replied, “Then I’m not going to be a part of it, haha.” She got the hint, but still kept pushing the idea.

I got frustrated and asked her why she wanted this, she said she was curious and wanted to explore her sexuality without damaging the emotional bond we had. I was taken aback but responded, “I support your decision to explore, but if you want that, then forget about me. You know very well that exclusivity is crucial to me in a serious relationship”

This led to a heated argument. She accused me of being closed-minded and called me a c**ard for not being willing to try something new, those words hurt, and layer that night in my home I lay in bed wondering if there was a way to talk this through or find some middle ground, we did eventually meet up again to discuss things more calmly.

But no matter what, I just couldn’t accept the idea of opening the relationship, even if I also had the freedom to see other people, it was a solid NO from me.

I told her, “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t come to an agreement, you know my stance on this kind of relationship, Im glad you want to explore this, but unfortunately, I won’t be the person to do that with, lets just end things now, save ourselves the drama, and move on.

You’ll have the freedom to do what you want, and I won’t have to deal with the anxiety of knowing you’re with someone else.” She didn’t take it well, called me s**fish again, and repeated that I was insecure, at that point, I just stayed silent and let her say what she needed to say.

We both sat there for a while, both of us with tears in our eyes. We eventually said our goodbyes (she still told me everything she previously thought about me), and after I got home, I saw that she had blocked me on everything, I just let out a sigh and laid down on my bed.

Right now, I’m focusing on myself and moving forward, trying to maintain zero contact with her. So, AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship, even though she knew my stance on it?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Middleburg_Gate −  Of course you’re not the a**hole. Her strong reaction to you setting a boundary suggests to me that she may have had someone specific in mind to “explore” with and was angry that you didn’t give her a pass.

notAugustbutordinary −  NTA but don’t leave the blocking only on her side. Make it so she can’t get in touch with you if this doesn’t work out for her.

DCHacker −  Many cheaters want a Rock so that they have somewhere to run when Play Time goes sour. She was displeased that Original Poster did not want to play that part. If there is one characteristic that all cheaters have, it is that they are m**ipulative. She clearly is trying to manipulate Original Poster..
Original Poster made the smart move; he put on his travelling shoes.. NTAH.

Dlovg −  Wow, she called you names for not agreeing to let her sleep around?. You should probably move on.. Sadly.

milkgoddaidan −  “You want me to sit waiting at home while you’re out sleeping with guys and that makes me insecure?”

Melissa_Foley −  I’m not an expert, but I am in a semi-open-relationship (we’re not polyamorous, but on a case by case basis we’re quite happy for each other to have s** with other people), and in my opinion any sort of non-monogamy is best established as a foundational parameter of the relationship at the outset.

In other words, I strongly distrust anybody in an established monogamous relationship who wants to suddenly “open it up”. No, you are absolutely not the a**hole. I’m sorry this has happened to you, but good for you for standing up for your feelings.

rossycalla −  NTA. You were clear from the beginning about your stance on exclusivity and she was the one who changed the terms of the relationship. It takes maturity and self-awareness to know what you want and don’t want in a relationship, and it seems like you handled the situation with respect and compassion.

Don’t let her g**lighting make you doubt your boundaries and values. You deserve someone who respects and shares your values. Best of luck moving forward!

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  CONGRATS. Congrats on not wasting any more of your life on this woman. I guarantee, you are better off. Just don’t be surprised if she pops back up in a couple weeks.

She wanted to sleep with a specific dude. If that doesn’t happen, or it sucks, or he ditches her after getting laid…she may come crawling back
If she does, kindly tell her that you are nobody’s backup plan. NTAH.

Mhicil −  No, you’re not TAH. She is. She wants to sleep around and you’re not ok with it and she was trying to force you into something you did not want to do. Block her and move on.

Slackingatmyjob −  I stopped reading after the first paragraph, because none of the rest matters. You’re mono, she wants to be poly – a break-up is the only solution if she’s going to reject monogamy. YANTA.