AITA for being upset with my husband for using my bonus on him?

A Reddit user (27F) shares her frustration after her husband (28M) used the bonus she received from her work promotion to buy himself new gaming equipment. She was looking forward to using the bonus for her own needs, like repairing her purse and replacing shoes that were damaged by a friend’s puppy.

When she confronted her husband, he argued that she was being selfish for not being happy that he could use the bonus for something he enjoyed, and now her family and friends are calling her unreasonable. She’s questioning if her reaction was too harsh.

‘ AITA for being upset with my husband for using my bonus on him?’

The article has the next update at the end.

I am not sure how to do this or if this is the right community. I would like some objective third party I put for my current situation as I am at a loss. Sorry if the layout of this off I am on mobile. History: My husband 28m and I 27f have been married about 4 years now. We dated in college and got married after. He finished college with a finance degree and thought he would go into accounting.

Well he quickly found out that was not his passion. So he bounced around jobs and ideas (business, teacher, lawyer) but nothing really kept him saying this is what I want to do. This was pre COVID. Since COVID he has not attempted anything he says after the pandemic there will be a boom in jobs and he can find something that he’s passionate about. I have been working full time and thankfully my job became remote and pays the bills while keeping food on the table.. Incident in Question:

After the fiscal year closed my work had done really well. We selling medical testing equipment so it was a big product of 2020. I was given a promotion I got a little pay raise and a small bonus. I was really excited because I could finally repair my purse and replace my shoes. (My friends puppy destroyed but I acknowledge I should not have left my purse on a low stool in front of the puppies bed. So my fault)

I was so excited to tel my husband but he seemed more excited than me over this promotion. He started going off how he could redo his game area and get the new systems since he was tired of his others and I was dumbfounded. I got really quiet because I almost could not believe what he was saying. He eventually goes out and gets himself a new system, chair, and mouse. He had basically spent my bonus. I was so upset and ultimately hurt and numb.

We ended up getting into an argument and he called me selfish for not being happy that he got to achieve his dream and i am spoiled for being upset I couldn’t spend this money on me first. I basically called him an ungrateful a**hole and asked why does he deserve new stuff when I have been providing. He got really quiet on that one and stormed out saying he would be staying with his family (only about and hour away)

I have been getting angry calls and texts due to the fact “he didn’t feel supported in his own home” and “if I am making the money I can get whatever I want when I want and I shouldn’t throw it in his face he doesn’t have an income” which is not true I’m trying to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. All his friends and family think I way over reacted to something that makes my husband happy.

And that the next time we get a large sum of money my husband said he would let me repair my purse. I haven’t responded and don’t think I will for a few days. But I have gotten so many you’re such a bxxxch and the ah I starting to wonder if I really am..

Summary: Husband is bored with his game system stuff so he used my bonus and raise to buy him a new one without my permission and when I got upset I was labeled selfish and unsupportive. AITA.

Update here: https://aita.pics/FyyVn

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

buffalobillsgirl76 −  NTA. Also as someone who’s been in a relationship with this type of person….lawyers can be found on Google. Edit: thank you for the award kind person!! Tis my first. Edit2: holy cow…… top comment over 3k and awards….. like….thank you! OP please leave….I promise it’s will hurt at first you’ll be scared as hell but you’re going to have a better life because of it. You don’t want a child brought up in this thinking it’s okay.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. He is selfish and entitled. I would start separating your finances to protect your future self. Not saying you will split or should split but this is reckless.

MrsSophiaBrown −  NTA and he’s trying to manipulate you into feeling bad, rather than taking responsibility for his s**tty actions. You clean the house, and make the money, what does he bring to your relationship? What he’s done is unacceptable, childish, and selfish. I’d return his new toys and tell him to stay at his parents until he gets a clue about adult life. I’m not saying divorce him but do not let this slide even an inch. Don’t give into his g**lighting. You are right. There is no argument in the world that he can make to justify his behavior.

LucidOutwork −  NTA. I’m in a similar situation. I make 95% of our household income. I got a large bonus last March. I earned that bonus by working my b**t off and doing a great job. There wasn’t even a question about it; that money was mine. So I bought a new car with it. (Husband helped me pick it out.) Why should your husband spend money you earned as a bonus without a discussion? How the hell is he entitled to use it for new toys for himself? He is the one who is selfish and unsupportive.

GodofHate −  NTA, its not OK. He doesn’t have a job and he feels entitled to your bonus. You do him a favor. At least tell me he does the chores? If I were you, I would d**p him.

Professional-Cap3065 −  NTA. I think that I’ve read a VERY similar post from the husband’s perspective before… 😂

introverted_smallfry −  NTA. you pay all the bills and do all the housework and he thinks it’s ok to spend your bonus on himself. Sorry but being an adult means helping out. Your bonus is yours and he’s not entitled to it. He can stay with his family who obviously babies him. Less mess for you to clean up to.

oreocerealluvr −  YTA for tolerating this. He’s not a husband, he’s a child at this point. Return his s**t and get your money back, change the locks, and tell him he can’t come back until he apologizes.

Zestyclose-Ad-6352 −  OP your husband actually also posted on AITA 2 weeks ago! Verdict was he’s TA and I agree!

yesohohahahilikeit −  NTA. But you shoudn’t have married a child.