AITA for being surly, rude and mean at a wedding and leaving early?

A Reddit user was invited to be part of a wedding party, but despite being in the wedding party, they were the only one not allowed to bring a +1. The couple claimed it was because the user’s relationship wasn’t “serious enough,” although the user had been in a committed relationship for a year.

The user became upset when they realized everyone else had a +1, and things escalated when they were put in an uncomfortable situation with a man who had a crush on them. They ended up being rude, surly, and left the wedding early. The couple is now hurt and confused about why the user left.

‘ AITA for being surly, rude and mean at a wedding and leaving early?’

I was asked to be a member of the wedding party. Despite this, I was THE ONLY person, not only in the wedding party, but also at the ceremony, who wasn’t allowed to have a +1. This was an outdoor wedding with unlimited seating and these people don’t give a s**t about COVID so it wasn’t about that.

I was told it was because my relationship wasn’t “serious” enough despite us being together for a year. That only engaged or married couples were invited. And that they didn’t want “some random guy” in their wedding pictures who “I might not even be with” later in the future.

They don’t want to “have to look at some random guy in their pictures” even though he wouldn’t have been in any of the posed pictures at all. Maybe just in the background of crowd shots.

There have been NO conflicts between them and my boyfriend and he’s a nice and mild-mannered guy who gets along with everyone so I don’t think it was about him personally. I get to the ceremony and find out that literally everyone else has a +1, not just married couples,

but there are couples there who have been dating for less time than me. This is when I started feeling surly. I smiled and played my part during the ceremony but inside I was very surly and angry. We then got to the reception which had way more people than the ceremony. This is where all the “more distant friends” were invited.

AND EVERYONE THERE had a +1. I was literally placed at a table as the one single person and everyone else at the table was a couple. Some at the table were other members of the wedding party, but others were random distant acquaintances. People started asking me where my boyfriend was and I said I was told he wasn’t invited.

They asked why and I said I had no idea why. This is when I started letting my surliness show and started acting rude and mean, because I was humiliated.
AND THEN, I was “brought into conversation” with the couple’s male friend, Dean.

I was previously told that Dean has a crush on me and I made it clear I wouldn’t be interested even if I were single. Even after that he kept trying to message me and I ignored him. But now the people who “brought me into conversation” with Dean were like standing around staring at us and giggling behind their hands.

Like they thought they were Cupid matchmakers. Dean was absolutely a participant in this I was meaner to Dean than I’ve ever been to anyone in my entire life. I was as fully rude as I’ve ever wanted to be when being the target of someone’s romantic interest unwantedly.

It’s true I don’t really know if I was being set up but I was already furious before that happened. Everyone was silent and awkward. I went back and finished my meal, and as soon as I was done, picked up my purse and left and went straight to my boyfriend’s house, skipping most of the reception, cake cutting, speeches, and everything.

I’m now being told by the couple that they’re “hurt and confused” why I left so early. I haven’t replied.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

TriZARAtops −  Wow. There’s layers to this like a freaking parfait made entirely of dog s**t in different stages of decomposition and it just kept getting worse. From the title I thought you were TA. Then it was like okay, maybe it’s E S H.

Then it got to NTA and kept on trucking into how the newlyweds AND Dean are huuuuuuuge assholes and just kept on going. Honestly, you are absolutely not the a**hole and in fact should be commended on not engaging in some fully warranted a**hole behavior of your own.

Because I absolutely do not consider rudely rejecting Dean’s advances to be a**hole behavior when he is complicit in this setup attempt from hell. I think at the very least you would’ve been completely justified in not only leaving early, but taking your wedding gift with you because these people are *not* your friends.

CakeisaDie −  NTA If you were seriously singled out like that as the only major exception by someone either the wedding couple or anyone in the wedding party .
I probably would have been more angry.

Weskit −  NTA. You were treated blatantly unfairly, and it appears that there was an ulterior motive. You’d be justified if you went NC with everybody involved in this fiasco.

bellePunk −  NTA That was rude and totally unacceptable of them to try to force you into being a date for Dean.

Unit-Healthy −  NTA. If they are hurt and confused, simply tell them: “As you know, I have been dating bf for a year. I noticed Sally was there with her bf of 4 months, and Sam was there with his gf of 7 months. Why was I treated differently and not allowed a plus one based on time spent dating?”

nbd_i_alreadyreddit −  INFO: who “brought you into conversation” with Dean? Any chance they had input on your +1 situation? Sounds like someone was hoping (actually, expecting) you to hit it off with Dean at the wedding and leave your BF for him. NTA. What a horrid situation to be in. Also, did Dean bring a +1? If so, major, he’s TA.

pinkyhc −  NTA, you were ‘mean’ to Dean. GOOD. You were ‘surly’ because you were being treated unfairly. GOOD. You left early because you weren’t being respected. GOOD. They’re ‘hurt and confused’ because they tried to b**ly you into b**lshit and you didn’t take it lying down. GOOD.

You’re not a push-over, you love your partner, and you do NOT deserve to have your boundaries stomped all over by your ‘friends’. These people ruined their relationship with you and gave themselves wedding drama all by themselves. They’re not good friends if they don’t listen to and respect you.

SailorSolstice −  NTA. I think the reason you weren’t “paired up” with dean is bc they knew it would have been too obvious. However, I think it’s fair to assume that they did not allow you to bring your bf bc they hoped you and this dean would have some time together and I guess they thought you’d hit it off.

Again, NTA. Don’t feel bad ab it bc even if Dean was not the reason, there was no good reason they did not allow your bf to come.

small-hermit-crab −  Holy s**t, that was a weird read. So, if I have this right, these people wouldn’t let you bring your boyfriend because you guys “weren’t that serious,” but then everyone else there was allowed a plus one, even though their relationships were younger than yours?

THEN, they put you in a situation where you had to interact with a guy that had feelings for you before? It really sounds like they kept you from bringing your boyfriend so they could let this friend of theirs have a shot at you as a favor. NTA Even if they weren’t the ones trying to set you up, it’s just a weird situation all around and there was no reason to single you out like that

Flat-Sky-3205 −  NTA. You left early because you were hurt by THEIR very, very deliberate actions. Especially with the unwanted attention from Dean – you had every single “right” to leave.