AITA for becoming a “stay-at-home parent” when I did not support my ex being SAH?

Sometimes life has a way of flipping the script when you least expect it. In this update, a 33-year-old dad shares his unexpected transition into a “stay-at-home parent” role—a move that starkly contrasts with his previous stance against his ex being financially dependent.

Once upon a breakup, one of the major reasons for their split was his ex’s insistence on staying home even after recovering from childbirth. Fast forward to now: after a tragic family loss and a substantial accident settlement, he’s stepped back from his accounting career to spend quality time with his 3-year-old son.

This bold career pivot wasn’t about surrendering or failing; it was a deliberate choice grounded in personal principles and financial independence. Despite co-parenting arrangements where he shoulders significant expenses, his ex now labels him hypocritical for “becoming SAH” when she once demanded he dissuade her from that lifestyle. His response is simple: his situation is fundamentally different—and his journey is uniquely his own.

‘ AITA for becoming a “stay-at-home parent” when I did not support my ex being SAH?’

When major life events force us to reevaluate our roles, the shifts can be both liberating and laden with unforeseen tension. Relationship and family dynamics expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “When individuals make significant lifestyle changes that affect family dynamics, it’s crucial they understand that different circumstances can lead to very different choices. Financial independence, personal healing, and redefined priorities all play key roles in these transitions.

In this situation, our OP’s transformation into a stay-at-home parent stems not from economic dependency, but from a deliberate choice to spend quality time with his son after a heartbreaking loss. His earlier objection to his ex’s decision was rooted in concerns about financial dependency and the traditional gender roles that he rejected.

However, his current role is different: he is not relying on anyone for financial support, thanks to the settlement and a freelance contract that offers him flexibility.
Dr. Gottman’s perspective highlights that when parents restructure their lives around new priorities—whether triggered by personal loss, changing values, or financial windfalls—the resulting roles may appear contradictory to previous beliefs.

In our case, the OP’s decision reflects a personal journey of healing and a rebalancing of responsibilities in co-parenting. The expert suggests that while blended families and evolving roles can lead to friction, what matters most is the underlying intent: fostering a nurturing environment for children. His new role is a proactive measure to ensure his son’s well-being, which, in turn, is a fundamental aspect of a healthy family structure.

Moreover, this scenario touches on broader issues such as societal expectations of parenting roles. While many still cling to rigid views about what it means to be a stay-at-home parent, modern family structures increasingly allow for flexible, nontraditional arrangements. By reclaiming his time and focusing on his child, our OP is challenging outdated norms and asserting that a supportive family environment can take many forms.

See what others had to share with OP:

A significant number of redditors commend the OP for his authenticity and for making a choice that benefits his son and himself. Many agree that his past objection was based on a different context, noting that his current financial freedom makes his decision entirely valid.

Several users humorously pointed out that life often forces us to “do a U-turn” on our principles, and that his ex’s insistence on a traditional SAH role is no longer relevant to his current reality. The general consensus is that while co-parenting can be complex, personal growth and adapting to new circumstances should be celebrated rather than criticized.