AITA For Barring My Husband From The Bedroom Tonight?

A Reddit user, a hard-working nurse who supports her household financially, shares her frustration with her husband, who works minimally and spends most of his free time with a friend instead of her. On the first shared day off they had planned in over a year, her husband repeatedly chose to help his friend instead, leaving her alone for most of the day, including waiting in the rain when she locked herself out.

Disappointed, she has decided to ask him not to come to bed, preferring some space to process her feelings. She worries he will be upset and that his friend will see her as unreasonable, so she turns to the community for perspective. Read the full story below to find out more.

‘ AITA For Barring My Husband From The Bedroom Tonight?’

So here is the situation. Me: 26 years old, nurse. Working 50ish hours a week in paediatric ICU. Cry at least once a week because that s**t is hard. My salary pays our bills. All of them. Husband: 25M. Has a degree but isn’t looking for a job. Works 2 days a week at the grocery store. Spends most of his time playing LoL.

Today was supposed to be A Good Day. I had been begging my husband to swap his Saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. We haven’t had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago. Today was supposed to be our first Saturday off together. We were going to go to an animal sanctuary.

He starts the day by going to breakfast. With his best mate. Leaving before I even wake up. I wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. Call. He says he’s helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway. He gets home at 1ish. Lies around. Plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight. Leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else.

I go grocery shopping. I don’t drive because of medical issues, but I walk there and back in the rain. I get home, realise I’ve left my keys inside. Call husband, knowing he’s 5min away. He says he will leave in a minute. I sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, I call again. He hasn’t left yet. He finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again.

At 10, I I called to see where he is. His friend answers. Says he is driving out to do something an hour away. It’s 10.30. I am going to bed. I have sent him a txt that I am upset and don’t want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone.

As far as I am concerned, if he can’t value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and I have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (Btw, his friend doesn’t work, so they hang out all the time when I am at work). He is going to be upset. And he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him I’m being a b**ch.. AITA.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

rabbit92 −  NTA. I’d ban him for more than one night! What kind of thoughtless behaviour! Sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. Have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? It’s not fair that he’s not pulling his weight.

kberson −  NTA. My first reaction is who’s he seeing on the side? If he’s spending his free time with his mate, is his mate just providing an alibi? When you call and he’s not there, how convenient is the mate’s response?

BuckieBurd −  Thats not a husband its an over grown child. If he can’t spend 1 day with you in 18 months and chooses to spend that day with his friends then kicking him out of the bedroom isn’t going to change his behaviour. He needs to start making you, his wife a priority or he needs to pack his s**t and leave.

He doesn’t work and isn’t looking for work. He spends all day every day hanging with friends or gaming while you work your ass off helping others and paying bills. Couples therapy isnt going to change that as he probably believes you are over reacting and he has done nothing wrong. Sorry to sound harsh but you married a dud. He’s lazy and inconsiderate. Personally I’d throw the whole man away and start again. NTA.

BlueJay_NE −  NTA I don’t want to upset you, but you do have to consider that something more is going on than just your husband spending a lot of time with a pal. There might be some “extramarital” activity going on and the friend is acting as a front so your husband can carry on with whomever without you finding out. You know your husband best, but if I were you, I’d be suspicious of his behavior.

Evolutioncocktail −  Why are you still with this man? He does not care about you – in fact he’s more concerned about this “friend” than he is you. He is working two days a week and plays video games the rest of the week? I’d love to hear an explanation for the logic there. Does he do chores? Run errands? Anything to help his partner’s day be a bit easier? Does he even enjoy being around you?. NTA.

cleveraccountname13 −  Divorce him. Your life will be the same as now, except that you will have more money because you are not paying for home to life a life of leisure. Or don’t. And decide you want to years down the road. And by then you have to pay him alimony due to the length of marriage. You deserve someone who prioritizes you.. NTA.

JackBauer74 −  You don’t need Reddit you need marriage counseling.

vaultsick −  NTA and you deserve a better husband.

GlassReverie −  NTA. This is one of those scenarios where I can’t even say “you need to communicate with him-“ because it’s so blatantly f**king obvious what he did wrong. He doesn’t value your time together at all.

daughterofervin −  Clearly this is your first marriage. Good luck on the next one.