AITA for asking my partner to change clothes after riding the bus?

A Redditor (23) shares a conflict with their partner (25) about asking them to change clothes after riding the bus, as they find the bus environment unhygienic. The Redditor explains that, while they tend to be more concerned with cleanliness, they believe their request aligns with similar habits, like removing shoes indoors.

Despite the Redditor handling most of the cleaning, their partner is frustrated with the added expectation, leading the user to wonder if they’re being unreasonable. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my partner to change clothes after riding the bus?’

I (23) and my partner (25) are having a disagreement about my expectation that after riding the bus, they change clothes before sitting on the couch.
Between the two of us, I am admittedly a little more high strung, although I don’t believe that I have unrealistic standards.

Our house is never spotless, I don’t spend every day cleaning (usually just a couple hours on my weekend), and I feel that I don’t ask much of them when it comes to chores.

Their only chores (aside from tidying up and putting away their own belongings) consist of dishes (while I am cooking dinner), scooping litter every other night, and taking out the garbage. Otherwise, I am the one to clean the bathroom, fold laundry, vacuum the floors and furniture, dust, etc.

I don’t mind cleaning as much as they do, so our division of labor isn’t too much of an issue. The problem today arose after we rode the bus home after a very nice morning together. I asked if they wouldn’t mind taking off the clothes they wore on the bus before sitting on the sofa as it grossed me out a bit.

The bus often smells like urine, and while I’m a huge proponent of public transportation, they generally aren’t the cleanest of places. They are frustrated at the idea of having to change clothes when they get home (although I’m having trouble understanding why that’s an issue as I do it every day).

I’m not asking that they wash clothes after every use, and I’m not asking that they change clothes any time they wear them outside, it’s mainly the bus that’s the problem. From my perspective, it’s in the same vein as not wearing shoes in the house, or outside clothes on the bed.

I’m the one who cleans the furniture, and would just appreciate the peace of mind. I have some anxiety around cleanliness, but I truly don’t think that I’m being unreasonable here. Am I the a**hole? I would love to know if this is a completely unrealistic expectation.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

SeraphofFlame −  It’s a lot to ask. You can ASK, but if they say no, respect it. YTA

formula_complaint −  It’s a little much, yeah. I wouldn’t go as far as saying Y T A but you’re toeing the line. NAH. Most people don’t change clothes when they get home unless they’re dirty, or getting into “comfy home wear”. I see where you’re coming from that – for you – it’s similar to not wearing shoes in the house.

If your partners clothes are actually dirty or smelly, it’s perfectly fine to ask them to change. But otherwise, unless your partner is rolling around on the floor of the bus or splashing around in puddles of urine, this is one of those things where you’ll need to compromise.

I’d recommend getting a washable slipcover for the sofa. That way your partner is free to relax on it without triggering your need for extra cleanliness and clothes changing, and you can just throw it in the wash anytime you feel like the outside has come inside a little too much 🙂

ParsimoniousSalad −  YTA. Unless you were actually sitting in the “urine smell” I don’t think they are getting “bus cooties” on your precious furniture. Why not get a fabric drape to put over your couch that you can wash regularly if the idea of bringing the outside home bothers you that much?

SkyComplex2625 −  YTA – this is more than high strung. 

Crishello −  YTA you should do something against your phobias, and not bother you partner with this totally absurd ideas

KittenMadeOfStardust −  It IS a completely unrealistic expectation. Change clothes after doing yardwork, gardening, sports/gym, heavy cleaning duties, stuff like that. But after *being on a bus?* I’m sorry, but that’s nuts. And I’m a girly girl who likes my house clean and well looked after.

If you’re getting people to change after being on the bus, you might as well ask people to change after going to a cafe, or going shopping or even going outside. Have you considered you may have a ocd/ocd silimar problem and need to get help for it? Something to think about.

Raccoonsr29 −  NAH but I’m lucky both me and my partner are realistic about how absolutely n**ty bus seats are and believe in no outside clothes. Between this and shoes I’ve noticed westerners are much more comfortable bringing dirt into the home. The one that’s soaking wet w mystery fluids that everyone avoids on Monday is dry by Tuesday but not much cleaner. I’ve seen some s**t.

NCJ81 −  YTA you got some issues and you are putting them on your partner

miffypancake123 −  NAH. I think I am quite biased since I have to get four buses per day so I’m more used to it, but I feel that going on the bus isn’t means to change clothes.

I like the fact that you asked her first and that you do do a lot of the cleaning, but at the same time getting changed after everytime you get off a bus feels stressful for me and I would feel the same as them.

It feels you both have different views of cleanliness and just finding it out. I’m wandering if you guys are new to living together cause I find a lot of couples find out this stuff about eachother after newly moving in?

Ladyughsalot1 −  Wow NTA. Look, I rode public transportation for years and I changed when I got home.  Also….you do the majority of cleaning. They can do this small thing 

Do you think the Redditor’s request to change clothes after taking public transit is fair, or is it too demanding? How would you handle this type of cleanliness concern in a shared home? Share your thoughts below!