AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop mocking my accent?

A Reddit user (28F) shared their frustration with their girlfriend (27F) for repeatedly mocking their slight accent in a language they’re fluent in. Despite several requests to stop, the girlfriend continues, finding it funny even when it visibly upsets the poster.

The issue escalated during a dinner with friends and colleagues, leading to embarrassment. While their relationship is otherwise healthy, this persistent behavior has led to tension. Read the full story below to see how they’re handling the situation.

‘ AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop mocking my accent?’

I (28F), an English native speaker, moved abroad a while ago to do my PhD in a country where I am fluent in the main language (C2 level, wrote my phd thesis in it). My level is very good, but I still have a slight accent. After finishing my studies last year, I got a job and decided that I would like to stay and build a life here.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend (27F, we are lesbians, please note our genders) for about a year, and it’s going well. The only issue is that she won’t stop mocking my accent. It’s not constant, and the only thing she does is occasionally repeat what I’ve said in an exaggerated, extra-accent-y way and then laugh, but it really gets on my nerves.

I’ve asked her multiple times over the time we’ve been together to stop, but she only laughs harder and says that it’s funny when I get mad (admittedly I’m tiny and have a babyface, but still). This happens very rarely, and our relationship is otherwise very healthy and respectful.

This past weekend, she did it again, but this time at a small dinner that I was hosting at my place for some friends and co-workers who I’m friendly with. Only a couple people who were helping me bring the food out from the kitchen heard, but it was still really embarrassing and hurtful to have this happen in front of friends and colleagues like that.

At the time, I only asked her to please not do that, which she waved off saying it was a joke. My co-worker said it wasn’t funny, but my girlfriend insisted she was just kidding and our mutual friend, who is usually pretty level-headed, defended her. We went on with the dinner, but it really left a sour taste in my mouth.

After, I tried to talk to her about it again, saying that it hurts my feelings when she does this and that doing it in public like that was crossing a line. I even asked how she would feel if I did that when she tried to speak in English (she just started learning a few months ago and I would never mock her like that).

She just said that she wouldn’t care if I did that and that she’d find it funny if I did. I saw that we weren’t getting anywhere so I asked her for some space to cool down, but she says I’m being childish.

I wouldn’t be second-guessing myself if it weren’t for our mutual friend agreeing with her, and the fact that she’s so respectful in every other way and this really only happens occasionally. So AITA for wanting her to stop? Or should I lighten up a bit because I’m taking it more seriously than I should?

See what others had to share with OP:

Fleurtheleast −  You ask her to stop mocking you privately so she escalates to mocking you publicly? It doesn’t matter whether SHE thinks it’s funny or not. You have asked her to stop and she’s choosing to escalate instead. And when you ask for space she belittles you by calling you childish. She clearly has no intention of stopping.

This is not how someone behaves when they actually respect you. I’d suggest you examine whether or not she’s actually ‘so respectful’ otherwise, or if you just have the habit of swallowing your issues when she makes you feel bad.. NTA.

Tough_Crazy_8362 −  So, because you’re a foreigner *she’s close to*, she can let her mask slip apparently. She’s testing the waters now, doing it in front of others. The fact that she’s completely disregarding your valid emotions would have me questioning things.

Just because her xenophobic (not sure that’s exactly the correct word I’m looking for, but it’s the closest I’m getting) friend agreed mocking accents is okay, doesn’t make it so.. NTA

kissxsleep −  NTA. I’m going to say this bluntly: break up with her. She is taking joy in hurting your feelings. Any one who actually loved you would be able to understand that while they might find the joke funny, it hurts you, so they should stop.

She is actively and maliciously choosing to hurt your feelings every time she does this. She is telling you over and over again through her actions that your feelings don’t matter and that she doesn’t love you.

Right now it’s “just this”, but she will keep escalating. People like her always do. You’ve already wasted a year on this woman. Don’t waste the rest of your life on her – especially when there are *plenty* of other fish in the sea (ones that will treat you much better).

throwawaygfaccent −  Hi everyone, thanks to everyone who’s responded so far, I promise I will read through all of your comments and reply to them as soon as I get off of work!

I’m thankful for all of the support and am already feeling very reassured and validated from the ones I’ve been able to read so far and you’ve definitely given me some good things to consider.

Edit: Thanks again for chiming in with all of your thoughts and advice! I’ve been reading through every comment and you’ve all given me a lot to think about and some good tips on how to move forward with this.

I’m about to call it a night, but I’ll try to respond to as many of you as I can tomorrow. I wasn’t expecting this much of a response! I really appreciate your kindness and it’s meant a lot to me to know that I can trust my perspective on this issue <3

katbelleinthedark −  NTA. You’re not laughing so it’s not a joke. You’ve asked her to stop and she is ignoring you and being dismissive of your feelings. You know?

Not that I’m recommeding it, but if you ever want to give HER a laugh, mimic her broken, accented English when you tell her you’re breaking up with her. I’d do that – but I’m an a-hole fueled by spite.

SugarCanKissMyAss −  NTA, I know personally JUST how infuriating and invalidating it is to be told “it’s cute” when you get mad. That’s NOT something that’s OK to say to someone while they’re feeling angry,

it just doubles down on the anger and makes you feel so powerless and uncared for. When you say “I don’t like it when you do that, it makes me angry”, the response of your partner shouldn’t be to laugh and continue to do it

anxiouslucy −  NTA, and I’d break up with her. She’s blatantly disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if it’s a seemingly “minor” thing. You left your home country and are doing your best to adapt to your new one. That’s hard enough to feel comfortable in a foreign place without having your number one constantly belittling your efforts.

She will not change. This is a character flaw and if you don’t like it, you need to leave. This will never change. My bf’s family speaks Spanish. When I visit, I do my best to speak as much Spanish with them as I can. I mess up all the time and I’m sure they giggle lightheartedly about me being a gringa when I can’t hear them.

But you know what else they do? They encourage me when I speak Spanish. They praise my efforts. They politely correct my pronunciation of things. They never, ever, make fun of me.

They make me want to be better because their faces light up with so much joy when I try to connect with them in their own language. It’s a beautiful experience and yours should be no different.

QuirkyFunUsername −  NTA. It doesn’t matter how funny or jokey she thinks it is, you said it bothers you. PERIOD. That is reason enough for her to knock it off. Do not let her manipulate you into thinking you’re being childish or unreasonable. She needs to respect your feelings.

mdthomas −  She mocks your accent then justifies it because “it’s funny”.. NTA

SpinIggy −  She isn’t mocking you. She is ridiculing you. It’s u**y, and it’s mean. She is also disrespecting you. You have asked her not to do it. She disrespects you every time she chooses to do it. To do it in front of people is a massive red flag. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks it’s funny to ridicule and disrespect you?

Do you think the Redditor’s request to stop the teasing is reasonable, or is it an overreaction to lighthearted humor? How would you handle similar boundary issues in a relationship? Share your thoughts and opinions below!