AITA because I told my ex boyfriend that he has to take care of picking up our son on his weekends and bringing him home again?

A Redditor (23F) is navigating co-parenting with her ex-boyfriend (28M) after their breakup. Their son spends every other weekend with his father, but issues arose when the father, who doesn’t have a driver’s license, struggled to arrange transportation for pickup and drop-off.

Initially, the Redditor stood firm that it wasn’t her responsibility to facilitate the transport, but she later offered to drive their son in an emergency situation when the father couldn’t find a replacement. Despite her attempt to help, the father reacted negatively, leaving her questioning whether she handled the situation poorly. Read on for the full story.

‘ AITA because I told my ex boyfriend that he has to take care of picking up our son on his weekends and bringing him home again?’

Am I the a**hole because I told my ex boyfriend that he has to take care of picking up our son on his weekends and bringing him back home again?
Hi, I’m 23F and I broke up with my ex boyfriend, who is 28M, because it wasn’t working between us anymore and I couldn’t see any solutions because it kept happening again and again and after 4 weeks everything was back to normal.

Now he has our son every other weekend. In the beginning he didn’t even ask but simply decided that I would bring him our son because he doesn’t have a driver’s license. I then told him that it wasn’t my responsibility to see how he pickes up our son and brings him home, his mother drove him and that was fine.

He took care of it. Now it’s the case that his mother doesn’t have time to pick up our son and he can’t find a replacement, so I’ve offered to drive our son to him . Now he’s annoyed because I’ve offered him this solutin, even though I said before that I wouldn’t drive anymore. Yes, I said I wouldn’t drive if he didn’t take care of finding a replacement, but since he had really taken care of it, I wanted to accommodate him.

But it looks like he doesn’t want me to drive our son to him and apparently prefers to give up his weekend with our son. So am i the a**hole because I told him he had to find a replacement himself, but still offered him a ride in an emergency situation like this? 

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

DinaFelice −  “I was willing to do you a favor, because I assumed you actually *want* to see our son, and it’s good for him to have a fairly stable routine. I have no idea why this is upsetting for you that I’m willing to do something one time — when your arrangements fell through — just because I’m not willing to be your primary solution.

But okay, fine. You *should* be using this time to figure out what your backup plan will be the next time your mother isn’t able to help you out.” NTA. Your ex seems unreasonable…I guess we can see why he’s an ex

ProfessionalEven296 −  NTA. But… KEEP A RECORD of how many times you have to drive to drop your son off. In court negotiations, the smallest things count. It’s common to switch off (e.g you drop the child off with him, he drops the child off with you), but if it’s one-sided, then it’s extra points in court.

Little_Loki918 −  NTA, but please ensure it’s in writing (text or email) what the offered visitation is and your attempts to compromise about transportation and his CHOICE not to visit. And please keep a calendar of every visit that he skips.

This should help if you want to officially file for sole legal or physical custody as well as modification of child support. For example, at this point you would be required to obtain his permission to get your child a passport and to travel outside the country.

Forward-Dingo1431 −  NTA. You, as a mother, want to make sure your son sees his father. That is a GOOD thing!

Due-Passenger7093 −  NTA… your EX is 28 not 8… he can get a drivers license or take an uber or public transportation or buy a bike if he can’t find anyone to drive him… don’t cater to dead beat losers. For the sake of your son i hope he actually has good rolemodels in his life other than you because the dad ain’t it

Stranger0nReddit −  NTA. His stubbornness is at the cost of spending time with his son. Not cool. You offered him a simple solution to get his son to him, he should have just been grateful and accepted. Your son is unfortunately the one that is losing out on the account of your ex’s actions.

rightioushippie −  NTA at all. He’s being entitled and unreasonable. I hope you fight him in court for child support. 

Night_Owl_26 −  NTA. But get a child support and custody plan.

Egbert_64 −  He can hire Uber. Not your job. He is 28? Time to get your license and grow up young man.

FairyCompetent −  NTA, but please stick to the boundaries you lay out. It should be his responsibility to provide transportation for his custody time. Please keep all communication to written media like text or email, and keep a record of how often he actually sees his child.

Do not bend over backwards to make things easy for him. If his child is important to him, he will prioritize spending time however he can. If he can’t be there in person he should be asking for video calls. Don’t let this man swan in and out of your child’s life. He can make a commitment and fulfill it or he can go ahead and decide not to be present.

Do you think the Redditor was reasonable in offering to help after her ex took responsibility initially, or was her decision to draw boundaries about transportation justified? Should parents compromise more in co-parenting situations, or should each parent bear their own logistical responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!