My husband constantly bodyshames me.

A Redditor shares her struggle with a husband who constantly body-shames her, despite her weight being within a healthy range. Over six years of marriage, his comments have become more frequent and cruel,

even involving their young daughter in his mockery. Despite voicing how hurtful it is, he dismisses her concerns, claiming he’s just trying to keep her “healthy and fit.” Now, she wonders how to handle this toxic behavior. Read the full story below:

‘ My husband constantly bodyshames me.’

I was around 5’1 and 100 lbs when we got married and six years later, I’m 5’1 and 125 lbs. He constantly comments on my body and my weight even though I’ve never asked for his opinion. I know my body isn’t perfect, but I’m working on accepting that.. Actual things he has said to me.

1. (A day after I gave birth and was getting dressed in front of him) – [*disgusted tone and expression*] “is your stomach going to stay like that?” By the way it takes two weeks for the uterus to return to normal size. 2. “It’s not baby weight when the baby is two years old.” 3. “Your thighs are huge. When you sit down, they look even more enormous”

4. “It’s like you’ve lost the weight everywhere except for your hips. It’s very noticeable from behind. I’ll even take a photo and show you so you can see for yourself how fat your ass is”. 5. “I’m just motivating you to lose weight. Who else is going to tell you that you’re fat?”

6. He even has a game he plays with our three year old daughter: “Who’s the tall one?” – her: “daddy”. “Who’s the cute one?” – “me!” “Who’s the fat one?” – “mommy!!” and they both laugh at me. okay haha very funny.

7. “Why do you keep trying on clothes if you’re never going to buy anything? You keep saying it doesn’t look good on you but the truth is that thin people (he meant women) don’t need to try on clothing because they look good in everything. So maybe just lose weight before you go clothes shopping again.” 8. “Short and fat isn’t a good combination”

And so on. On average, he’ll make 1-2 body shaming comments a week. I’ve talked to him about it but he says he just wants me to be healthy and fit. It’s hurtful, and unhelpful, and unhealthy for my daughter to hear those comments from her dad about her mom.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Pikaflareon −  Your husband is an ass. You don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. Also to involve your 3 year old daughter? That is f**king disgusting. Ask him if he would like for his daughter to have a man like him. One that makes cruel comments on her weight. He is being verbally abusive. That’s not a way to motivate you. Please talk to him and don’t let him keep speaking to you this way.

lovebot5000 −  Not only is your husband verbally abusing you, he is teaching your daughter some toxic lessons about body image. This is not healthy for any of you.

[Reddit User] −  All of the things he says to you had my jaw dropping but WTF at encouraging your daughter to speak to you that way? Plus putting the thoughts in her head at such a young age that women need to be thin to be worthy. That is so fucked up. You, nor your daughter, deserve to be talked to that way. Just give it time and he will make your daughter feel the exact same way.

I’ve struggled with body issues for as long as I can remember and I’ve never weighed more than 118 at 5’7 and am currently trying to undo all of the b**lshit that’s been put in my head my entire life. Parents words, whether about their own body, other peoples, or directly to their children have a HUGE impact on them.

You really need to talk to your husband about how he treats you (and how he acts in front of your daughter). Marriage counseling is probably in order to. Every relationship is different but NO partner should ever be putting down their SO on a regular basis (or ever).

luvmesumrockmusic −  Four words as you’re probably used to this:. This is not normal. Wishing you the best whatever you do x

slumpylumps −  God that’s disgusting. He obviously doesn’t love you unconditionally, and is a bully to you. He needs therapy, and I think you might want to look into it also for yourself even if it’s just for someone to talk to. On another note, his words are INCREDIBLY damaging to your daughter.

She will always hear her dad’s voice in the back of her head telling her she looks gross/fat/ whatever and it can lead to depression, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders as she gets older. Personally I would leave someone if they claimed to love me, but verbally abused me like that. It’s not healthy, and you deserve so much better.

ThrowawayAl2018 −  All of these screams **verbal abuse**, in front of your daughter no less. Two options:. 1. Marriage counselling. 2. Divorce lawyer. Sorry OP, if your hubby really wants you to improve, he should try something positive like taking you out for walks, gym, etc.

theudoon −  How about you lose about 180 pounds of dead weight by divorcing his abusive ass?

breadismybutterrr −  I’m 5’1 and I used to be 125lbs because a medicine I was taking made me gain weight. 125, for your size, is not fat. Our “ideal healthy weight” at 5’1 would be 116lbs. You’re not fat, you’re not huge, your husband is superficial and doesn’t respect your feelings.

acynicalwitch −  Listen. Everyone is going to say: talk to him! Let him know it hurts you! But let’s be real here: he knows. Anyone who has graduated middle school knows that saying negative things about other people’s bodies is hurtful. He is deliberately hurting you, then concern-trolling you (‘for your heaaaalth’).

So, knowing your husband is deliberately hurting you *on purpose* because he is an adult man making a *choice* to actually on purpose (I cannot stress this enough) hurt his wife: what’re you going to do? Personally, every time he said that I would smile brightly and say: ‘yep, I know! It’s a full Kim K back there!’ Wear it like armor.

I don’t even want to go into all the ways this can/will negatively impact your daughter. What will she think of herself as an awkward teen? How hard will she work to not be ‘fat’ when she gets older? There’s a lot of very serious stuff that can stem from this kind of values-setting, and that’s exactly what your husband is doing:

he is instilling his values (‘women must be thin’, ‘women do not deserve respect’, ‘thin people are more valuable’). Don’t let him do this. When my kid was 4, they pointed at another child and said: ‘mommy, look at that girl! She has boy-hair!’. I knelt down to eye level and said, ‘Hey, I get that looks different to you; people are all different, and if you have questions you can always ask me.

But *we do not comment on other people’s bodies*’. If you ask my kid ‘what are the rules’, ‘we do not comment on other people’s bodies’ will be right at the top of the list. Once, in elementary, the kids were singing a song about ‘fat ol’ Santa’ and kid told the teacher they didn’t want to sing those words, because they didn’t want to comment on Santa’s body.

These are formative years, when your daughter is learning what is important. They will affect her worldview forever. Only you know your options and what you can do from here, but in the meantime, stop playing nice with someone deliberately harming you and start clapping back—and start instilling your own values in your daughter.. Good luck.

TwoArmsTwoLegz −  Your BMI is normal. At 5’1, 100lb is almost under weight. Tell your hubby that your weight is healthy. Oh and add in a f**k off you twat for good measure.

Body-shaming from a partner can be deeply damaging, both emotionally and mentally—especially when it sets an unhealthy example for children. Love and support should uplift, not tear down. What advice would you give this woman? Have you ever dealt with a similar situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.