Hubby of 10 years (35m) just told me he’s planned a ski trip to Canada with a family friend (22f). I truly trust that he’s not planning on cheat on me . Should I put my foot down and say no?

A Reddit user shared their concerns after discovering her husband planned a ski trip to Canada with a much younger family friend, a 22-year-old woman he views as a sister. Although the user trusts her husband’s intentions, the situation makes her uncomfortable due to the optics and potential boundary issues.

She’s unsure if she should support his dream vacation or set a firm boundary against the trip. To learn more about this situation and how others have responded, read the full story below.

‘ Hubby of 10 years (35m) just told me he’s planned a ski trip to Canada with a family friend (22f). I truly trust that he’s not planning on cheat on me . Should I put my foot down and say no? ‘

My husband comes from a big group of people that aren’t related but were basically raised like one big family. I think at the core there are six families who all vacationed together, did holidays together, are each others god parents, etc… They are essentially family. My husband represents the older end of the kids at about 35, while this girl, Shelby,

represents the younger end at 22–but to see them together you really would think they are cousins or even brother/sister. Shelby was a flower girl at our wedding when she was 12 so I too have known her a long time. To be very frank, I’ve never hit it off with Shelby. She’s a nice girl and I can’t take that away from her.

I admit a lot of this may be jealousy on my part because the the little tomboy has blossomed (literally) into a woman that is model good looking. In fact she is a model, she’s one of these girls that has been able to turn her Instagram account into a reasonable monthly income. She also is a ski instructor, college student, sweet,

funny and lovable–and to top this all off–my husband absolutely lights up around her in a way that he doesn’t do for anyone else, male or female (to be fair he’s like this with our kids too).
Meanwhile, I feel like mean awful wife who’s gained 50lbs, yells at the kids about dishes and nags my husband that he can’t go skiiing (his absolute passion in life) because of my parent’s anniversary party.

So yes, I admit a big part of this problem is my own insecurity and jealousy. So I had given in and agreed that he should take two weeks off this winter to take a once in a life time ski trip to Whistler, BC. He was originally supposed to go with a college friend. The trip is all set up and paid for. About an hour ago he calls and tells me that he has bad news and good news.

The bad news is his friend backed out of the trip, the good news is that he already talked with Shelby and she has agreed to fill in the now vacant spot (uhh yay! /s). I stammered for a little bit and I think what came out of my mouth was “You are going on a trip with a 22 year old girl?” and he replied with something like “well not any girl–it’s Shelby!”

I think I said “uh, ok but what about the room?” and he told me that Shelby is like his sister and that he’s shared hotel rooms with her before. I told him I was incredibly uncomfortable with this and the last I knew they shared a hotel room was when she was around 5 and he was babysitting her on a vacation.

I told him that I really had to think about this and he seemed like he was shocked that I didn’t just immediately share his excitement at the “good news.” We both hung up dissapointed. He’s going to be home in about two hours and I really don’t know what to say to him. I very frankly do not want my husband sharing a hotel room with a 22 year old Instagram model.

However I also know that they booked super early to secure a special rate on the room and if they tried to book a second room now it would by hundreds (and maybe more) dollars a night. There’s a good chance that if he doesn’t take Shelby (or get someone else to fill in) he may have to cancel the trip because it will be just too expensive for us in terms of the room,

the gas to get there, etc…He’s been wanting to do this trip for a very long time and I don’t want to ruin it for him. But to repeat, I don’t want my husband sharing a hotel room with a 22 year old Instagram model. Is this a put my foot down situation? Is making me comfortable more important that his dream vacation?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

lousymom −  If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s ok. I had to fly out to where I used to live for a funeral. A family friend offered to let me stay at his place. We dated briefly a long time ago, but it’s just a family friend thing for a very long time now. My husband trusts me. My husband said, “I trust you and if you want to stay there, I’m ok with it.

But it kinda makes me uncomfortable.” I got a hotel. It’s ok to feel uncomfortable and it would be good for your husband to look for someone else first. My husband loves Whistler and I’m sure would be happy to go. Want me to send him instead of Shelby?

Population-Tire −  Even if I trust that he has no ulterior motives (and I feel like that’s meeting him more than halfway) it is completely inappropriate for him to be sharing a room with her. Is there literally no one else in his life he could have asked to take the spot?

monsterspeech −  Is this a put my foot down situation? Is making me comfortable more important that his dream vacation? Well, you’ve described the logistics of the situation perfectly: ages, sexes, number of rooms, destination. What you HAVEN’T EXPLAINED is what kind of people these two are, particularly your husband.

Big drinker? Irresponsible? Flirty? Devoted? Disinterested? I can think of pairings of people i know where this would be fine, no worries. And others where I wouldn’t expect the two to keep their hands off each other.. Kinda need more info here OP.. What’s your husband’s character?

miraku −  Hey OP, this is after your third update and I’m happy that everything has worked out. Your husband is an absolute gem. Even from the beginning you were certain that he would not cheat. He is in addition very finely tuned to your needs, it seems like he cancelled without even needing prompting or a long drawn out conversation with you.

And at 22, Shelby is very mature to make the call to speak with you and make sure you were okay. I think your take away message is that your husband loves YOU. Not only are you the mother of his children who he is devoted to and loves very much, you are his wife and he is dedicated to your feelings and your marriage.

Who else would give up a lifelong dream for someone’s feelings? Please, please work on yourself. As much as he treasures you and sacrifices, he also deserves someone who can treat him right. Your insecurities should not restrict him from living his life when he already gives up so much for you and your family.

Part of the problem may be the stay at home mom – you mentioned that you don’t feel as attractive. Part of that may be fixed with exercise, part of it may be helped by having a hobby outside of your children. You need something that takes up your time and gives you a sense of accomplishment as well, while he is off working his 2 jobs.

You made the right choice by helping him rebook his dream vacation. I hope you continue working toward this, because while you have built a life together, you are still separate people with hopes and dreams. Good luck OP. And on a more immediate note, if I were the sole provider working two jobs to support my family,

and I ponied up the cash to let my partner take two long vacations without me and they could not trust me when I wanted to take my dream vacation with my own hard-earned cash, when I’ve given no reason for them to be suspicious and regularly sacrifice experiences and time for them and the children…

that would get really old, really fast. What’s the point of going above and beyond as your husband has done, if everything I do is still met with suspicion? Get over yourself before he gets over you.

Bucky2015 −  Based on your edit I hope everything ends up ok but you’ve gone on TWO vacations without the family. Yeah you didn’t cheat but you easily could have and he put his trust in you that you wouldnt. You couldn’t do the same for him. If he were going to cheat on that trip it probably would’ve been with a random not with shelby,

althought I doubt he would’ve cheated at all. I get your issues with it but ton have to cancel the whole trip instead of trying to work something out… just wow. And seriously… TWO vacations that he was fine with you going on…. double standards…

[Reddit User] −  I read your comments. You said you don’t think he will do anything stupid/s**ual with Shelby, she is like his sister. She was the flower girl at your wedding. I think the real issue is your sense of self-worth being damaged and then seeing someone else do what you never had a chance to… with your husband. You need to make changes, lose the 50 pounds, start living your life outside of the excuses.

botnan −  Well, I guess the trip is no longer an issue but I’d take it as a warning sign. I think you really need to work on your self-esteem and insecurity issues regardless. Your jealous of a girl and you’ve never hit it off with her just because she’s pretty? If you want to lose weight, then do it. If you want to stop nagging your husband, then do it. Your behavior is entirely controllable and up to you.

properstranger −  Lol r/relationships is a joke. Would you have a problem if it was a guy? No? Then if you trust your husband there isn’t an issue. This sub is made up of 18-year-olds with no concept of what a platonic relationship is.