AITA for emasculating my BF?

A Reddit user shared a story about a conflict with her boyfriend that arose from a playful debate about strength and gender. When the user, an experienced weightlifter, invited her boyfriend to join her in a workout to prove her strength, the situation escalated, leaving her wondering if she had crossed a line.

Read the full story below to decide for yourself!

‘ AITA for emasculating my BF?’

I (30F) met this guy (28M) in January and he became my BF in February. Comes March, the world goes down the drain and we decided to move in together for the time of the pandemic. Everything is great.

In the morning, we have this routine where he browses Reddit and gives me the highlights. A few weeks ago, he shows me a post where this guy is challenged to an arm wrestling competition by his GF. The guy didn’t seem to have any sort of training/work out whereas his GF did.

I commented he might have a surprise. My BF started educating me on biology and how men are stronger than women. I told him there were way too many factors to take into consideration to make such a broad comment. I have been doing weightlifting for 2 years and my BF has never seen a gym in his life, so I used us as an example.

That was a BIG mistake. He got really defensive and condescending, and made comments like “That’s cute.” I just let it go. Fast forward to yesterday. He’s playing some game with his friend (online) and I can clearly hear him talk about me. Well curiosity killed the cat.

At first it’s all pretty and my ego is bursting, but then he says I’m delusional because I think I’m stronger than him. Pause. “Seriously? I know I’m weak but not weaker than a girl.” So later, I decide to call him on his BS. I asked him if he wanted to come workout with me the next day (this morning) so he can show me how strong he is.

He accepted and I was happy because I had been dying to bring him and initiate him to something I’m passionate about. So, this morning, we went to my friend’s (27M) garage (my region allows groups of 10 or less and we wipe everything). I told him we’re gonna do deadlifts. It’s my favorite exercise and I was already planning to test my personal best so it was perfect.

My friend was there cause he corrects my form and it’s been our Sunday ritual since Covid-19. We started light and slowly worked our way up, doing the same number of reps as the other. Comes 185, his form starts to crumble so we made him go lighter. But 185 really isn’t that much for me so I kept stacking the plates.

He looked very supportive and impressed the whole time. I ended up beating my personal best at 265. I was ecstatic and so were they. When we got in the car, he was very silent. I assumed he was just tired. We got home and that’s when he exploded and asked me if I was proud of myself. Apparently, I humiliated him in front of my friend.

I apologized. I didnt realize he was feeling that way. He got angry and said it really changed the way he saw me, like I’m less of a woman now. He stormed to the basement.
I started collecting my things, but now I’m wondering if I should have been reading between the lines and stopped at 190 or something. Or just dropped it and never suggested we workout together? I knew very well I was stronger than him but I just had to prove it to him. AITA?

Update: I still didnt get a word of him but since some of you asked, I will make sure to update you when he does. Thank you for the overwhelming response. That was a bit of a rollercoaster day but it made it easier to know I’m not completely in the wrong.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

whyyallsodumb −  LOL.. this is hilarious and congrats on your personal best. You don’t need a physically stronger man, but you definitely need an emotionally stronger man, because that’s where your BF is weak. You shouldn’t have apologized for being better at something you work at than he is. That’s your only error here. He wanted to s**t talk and brag when he didn’t deserve it. Don’t EVER make yourself less to placate the insecurity of anyone.. NTA

M0m033 −  NTA, OP get out this relationship because your bf is immature as hell. Are you really telling me a grown man got upset because his girlfriend lifted more than him. What the actual f**k?

VegaBruja81 −  I don’t work out and I don’t know what deadlifts are. But I know what deadweight is when I see it.. NTA Edit: Thank you for my first award!

[Reddit User] −  NTA Break up with this fragile child of a man.

lumimarja −  NTA Your bf accepted the challenge and then got upset when you beat him. And then he insuted you by saying he somehow thought you were a less of a woman. Sounds like he has a poor self-esteem, is a sore l**er and suffers from fragile masculinity.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. He’s insecure, misogynistic, condescending and ridiculous. The fact that you even considered dumbing yourself down by pretending to max out at 190 just to protect his fragile masculinity it extremely sad. Never do that.

Eumi08 −  NTA. Your bf is a misogynistic p**ck. Like, let’s break down what happened here. -He starts off with sexist b**lshit on how women can’t be stronger than men.
-When you rightfully try to educate him, he dismisses you and condescends. -He then, weeks later, starts talking s**t about you to his friends. S**t that, let’s remember, is based on his own factually incorrect misogynistic views.

-When you prove him wrong, he instead of finally admitting it finds a way to make you proving him wrong a bad thing. When the ground that his grievance with you was built on crumbled away, he forged a new platform just so he could keep being upset at you.

Your boyfriend was so unable to accept that you weren’t lesser than him he fabricated a whole new thing to look down on you for. Because he has to feel better than you.
That you would think that you’re the one in the wrong makes me worry what else he might have convinced you is okay behaviour. This is a good moment for you to stop and properly look at this relationship. Is this attitude his normal?

dis0rdered −  NTA. I would have dumped him once he started spouting that “men are stronger than women” b**lshit. More like their tantrums are stronger.

ColorfulToes −  NTA. Girls and women have been self-limiting for waaaaay too long because of societal expectations and fragile male egos. Please never do less than you are capable of doing because of someone else’s ego.

Also, the whole concept of emasculation is stupid and is one of the reasons we deal with toxic masculinity. An emotionally healthy and secure man will celebrate your successes. Your BF is both sexist and insecure, and that is NOT attractive.

Viking141 −  If you’re boyfriend browses reddit it would be hilarious if he found this post.

Do you think the user was justified in standing her ground and showcasing her strength, or should she have been more mindful of her boyfriend’s feelings? How would you navigate a situation where proving a point could affect your partner’s ego? Share your thoughts in the comments below!