Me [19M], my sister [21F] found a video of our mom [45F] she thinks its of her cheating, but I think it might not be. We can’t agree what to do with it.

A 19-year-old and his 21-year-old sister stumble upon a personal video on their mom’s laptop that raises questions about her fidelity. The sister believes the video might show evidence of infidelity and wants to confront their parents directly, while the brother thinks the man in the video might be their dad and fears the repercussions of showing it.

The siblings are divided on how to handle the situation, with the brother leaning towards a more cautious approach. Read the full story for more details and share your advice on how they should navigate this sensitive dilemma.

‘ Me [19M], my sister [21F] found a video of our mom [45F] she thinks its of her cheating, but I think it might not be. We can’t agree what to do with it.’

My sister found this video on my mom’s laptop. I think she was using her laptop for some school stuff and she must have gone snooping through her personal files. She found this video, its from a few years ago according to the date of the file. Its definitely our mom in the video, and it looks to be in some hotel room.

There’s definitely a man in the video, but he’s holding the camera and we don’t see his face or hear his voice. I don’t want to go into any detail but its basically a stri*tease/s** tape filmed by the man, so while our mom is clearly identifiable, I can’t tell exactly who the man is. I first got angry at my sister for showing it to me, I told her this is gross, I don’t want to see that.

She told me she thinks it could mean our mom is cheating on our dad and we should at least present the information to our dad. I told her its very likely its him in the photo (you can see the man’s hands in a few shots), I think its my dad, she seems to think its not him.

I told her if we show it to them and it is him, not only will we be embarrassed, but they would be mad at her for snooping. She was like “why do you care? I’m the one who did the snooping, so only I’ll get in trouble. I’ll cover you if they try to get mad at you.” I told her there has to be a more sensitive way of approaching the situation,

instead of just bombarding our parents with “hey we saw your s** tape which could either be with you or mom’s secret lover”, and we should consider the fallout. However she seems pretty adamant that she just wants to show them, she thinks its the safest option; since if she was cheating, she gets exposed, but if it was just dad, then no harm done.

We can’t agree on what to do, and I have a feeling she might show it to them regardless of what I feel, but if I push hard enough I might convince her of an alternative solution. Any ideas on what we should do?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  Dude. Is your sister following her intuition–or does she have a history of stirring up drama? A few years ago, YALL lived with your mom and dad. Of course they’d have to do the freak under wraps. Even if it is some other guy, your parents could be into that. How would you know?

After all, your parents don’t share their s** lives with you, which means when it turns out your mom didn’t cheat and leave video evidence of her infidelity on her laptop, they’re going to feel an incredible i**asion of privacy. I say, your sister found the tape, she deals with this mess. This isn’t your problem. I agree with you that your mother did not cheat. I mean *come on*.

AkemiDawn −  Okay, I don’t think either of you truly realize how grossly invasive and inappropriate you are being so imagine this scenario to put it in perspective. Say that a married friend of your sister kindly lent your sister her laptop to do some work. Instead of being a normal, decent human being, doing her work, and then returning the laptop to her friend,

your sister decides to snoop in her friend’s private files. She finds a sexy video but she can’t tell if the guy in it is her friend’s husband or not. If her friend is cheating, she wants to expose her but isn’t sure how to handle it. So she brings you into it, shows you the video and asks for your opinion.

The two of you argue over it and try to determine the best course to take regarding your sister’s friend’s s** tape and possible a**ltery. See how f**king insane and psychotically nosy you both sound in that scenario?  This is the exact same scenario. Your parents are not yours to meddle with and snoop on just because they are your parents.

Their marriage and privacy deserves the same respect as the marriage and privacy of a friend, acquaintance, or stranger. How would you feel if your parents snooped on you or your sister and tried to involve themselves in your relationships? Can you imagine how violated you would feel?

You and especially your sister need to take a big step back from this and honestly look at your behavior here. Your sister is being a toxic nightmare and instead of walking away in disgust, you are going along for the ride. Shame on both of you.

LightningTP −  Why did your sister feel the need to investigate the video in the first place? Has there been anything fishy with your mom in the past? I mean, if you stumble upon someone’s private nude video, checking for cheating is not your first natural reaction.

You could try to check the date of the file. It’s not always accurate (might have been downloaded much later), but it may give you at least some clues, maybe your parents were away on a holiday/trip around that time. This way there’s a chance you’ll have a reasonable explanation for the sister before she decides to spill it out.

il_coinquilino −  My advice to both of you is “stay out of it.” There are a lot of possible explanations for that video:. Maybe it’s your dad. Maybe your mom had an affair, and already got caught and worked things out with your dad, and forgot to delete that video. Maybe your parents are swingers, or have an open relationship.

If it’s any of those, nothing good will come from bringing this up with your parents. Maybe your mom is engaging in risky behavior that could result in both of your parents contracting an STI, but that seems like the least likely possibility. You really have no compelling reason to believe it’s the case.

Drmrfreckles −  So you watched your parents whole s** tape to try and identify the man in its hands? I feel like vomit would have overcome me long before the strip tease ended. Its very likely your dad, do not make this the most awkward situation of all of your entire lives. Stay out of it. “Well we watched the whole thing and we don’t think these are dads hands.” The.F**k.
TLDR: please keep this to yourselves for you and your families own good.

isotopepotosi −  Honestly, it’s none of your sister’s business if your parents made a s** t*pe. Does your sister have something against your mother? She should let this go. It’s years old and your parents have an amicable marriage, from what I gather. Your sister is being snoopy and a little out of line.

PhutuqKusi −  As a mom with kids exactly your age… I PROMISE you that you’d be much more than “in trouble” if you came to me with this kind of thing. The sense of violation would be enormous. I’d be pissed that you felt the need to snoop around my laptop.

What makes your sister think she has the right to police your parents’ private life? The damage done would be insurmountable; it would literally change the entire family dynamic forever. Let this s**t go and take it as a reminder that snooping isn’t OK.

codayus −  Seems like both you and your sister are really bored and looking to stir up drama.Just drop this. You have no evidence, this isn’t your relationship, these aren’t your friends (they’re your *parents*, that makes a huge difference), and anything you do is going to cause massive, massive, problems…for you.

Your parents are responsible for themselves; they’re much older than you and your sister (and clearly more mature), and they can handle whatever is going on. Nobody involved is going to thank you for interfering. If you can’t convince your sister to act maturely about this, then you need to distance yourself and prepare for the fallout.