My(27M) wife (25F) is very unhappy and asks me to get rid of or stop doing the things I love to make her happy but it’s never enough.

A 27-year-old man is struggling in his marriage to his 25-year-old wife, who is unhappy and consistently asks him to make sacrifices that don’t lead to her feeling fulfilled. Over their 5-year relationship, he has cut off meaningful friendships, left active military service, moved, and taken up civilian employment at her request.

Despite his efforts, she remains dissatisfied, mistrustful, and accuses him of not caring. The wife is also unmotivated to work or contribute and has started isolating herself emotionally. He loves her and their family but feels uncertain about how to address her unhappiness while maintaining his own well-being.

‘ My(27M) wife (25F) is very unhappy and asks me to get rid of or stop doing the things I love to make her happy but it’s never enough.’

My wife and I have been together for 5 years married for 4, she had a bad marriage before me and had a child. I had no problem stepping up to the plate to help her raise her child (the father wants nothing to do with my wife or his kid). To the point, I had 2 friends that I’ve had since I was 16,

they were both female and I had dated one of them for 4 years but we split up agreeing that we made better friends then an actual couple. Which never happens in real life apparently. Shes always been my go for advice and I made our friendship 100% transparent for my wife when we first met and never hid anything.

Out of habit my friend and I still said we loved each other but more if a platonic love. We both loved our current partners and never wanted anything between each other. However after a few years this took a toll on my wife and she asked me to stop telling her that I loved her. So I explained this to my friend and she said she understood and would have no problem doing so.

Another month or so I still have 100% transparency with my wife as to make her feel comfortable. I got deployed and my friend had just had her baby and asked me if I wanted to facetime to see her. I said yes naturally happy for her and her husband. After a nice chat and meeting her new son. I got a call from my wife a few days later asking if I had talked to her kn facetime.

I told her that I had and why, also telling her what we had discussed. My wife then didnt talk to me the rest of my deployment. When I got home I explained that I was sorry it hurt her feelings and wanted to make things better. She told me to never talk to her again. I tried to explain that its was just a friendship and that neither of us wanted a relationship.

My wife took it upon herself to call her and tell her that if she didnt stop talking to me forever that she would tell my friends husband that we were having an affair. She did not tell me any of this. I quickly noticed she had blocked me on everything, including my number. I had no idea what happened so I confronted my wife and she told me that she was certain I was cheating on her and that my friend and I were having an affair.

She then told me that she had called her and only asked her to not talk to me anymore. I was slightly upset but stood by her decision and held no grudge. I feel like this event led to the breakdown of everything. She started to have no trust in anything I did, constantly going through my phone, and she would constantly lock her phone, or lock herself in the bathroom talking to someone on the phone.

She started blaming her job for her unhappiness, I told her that I could pull extra hours at work if she wanted to quit to find a new one. She quickly quit her job and made no attempt to find work agajn. I was enlisted at the time. She said she hated that I was gone all the time so I offered to go reserves to be with her more. She said that would fix it. So I got a civilian job that paid decent but we had to move.

The job is stressful and I’m not very fond of being a civilian. She has now come to the conclusion that I need to get out of the military and quit my civilian job and we to move again and that’s the only way she’ll be happy. I feel like I’ve given up everything for her to be happy, I’m trying to show her the logic that there is no way for us to survive if neither of us work.

I love my wife and dont want a divorce but I feel like she will never be happy and I’m not sure how to fix it. She blames everything on me and says that I’d be happier with someone else or says shes leaving again. I’m currently deployed again and the last week I was home she wouldn’t talk to me or spend time with me and our daughter.

She would lock herself in the bedroom all day. Then at night she would call me names and say I dont care about her and I never spend time with her. Im very confused because I’m not the best with emotions, I’m a logical man and I see no logical answer here. Any thoughts or advice would be great.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Qubelucen −  There is no logic. She is abusive, i know this is hard to hear but you need to leave. A partner should not ask you to give up your work, your friends, and everything you enjoy so they can be happy. I am sorry you are in this situation.

kaythor85 −  It sounds like your wife has major issues regarding her jealously. I’m currently with someone who works away from home, up to two months at the longest. Without the trust between us, then it would be a nightmare. Your wife is making totally unreasonable requests that are purely out of jealously and nothing to do on your part.

Her threatening to try and break up another happy marriage on what is essentially a lie, it also very distressing and is drama that is not needed. She also can’t make any demands about what you do for a living. I’m assuming you have been deployed throughout the entire relationship, or knew you were going to be, so she should have learned to cope with this fact.

I say that either your wife acknowledges that she has a problem and tries to make a valiant effort to change, goes to therapy etc or that you should start thinking about how the relationship has run its course. I’m sorry you’re in this position. I wish you the best.

arcxiii −  It sounds like she needs professional help and rather than figure out why she is unhappy or what she can do about it she projecting her insecurities and anxieties on to you and trying to solve them by making you solve them.

I would encourage her to see a therapist or start up couples counseling together before doing anything else. The more you enable her to externalize her feelings or give in to her demands, it means she won’t learn to self soothe and will continue to escalate her demands of you.

grootius −  Thank you all for your advice I greatly appreciate it, for my first time wanting to talk to someone it was a massive load off my mind! You’ve all been amazing, thank you.

teresajs −  Your wife is controlling and m**ipulative and abusive. Nothing you do will ever be enough. You need a divorce attorney. In the meantime, separate your finances as much as possible. And ignore what she wants you to do with your career and personal life. Stop making your decisions based on fear of your wife being upset or angry. Follow what gives you joy.

turtlelovedov3 −  Maybe her ex doesn’t communicate with her for a reason…. she is being unreasonable and you are being a pushover. If you leave now, you’ll be much happier two years from now.

Chazzyphant −  She’s only 25 and she had a bad marriage before you? I assume (and hope) you two were together for at least a year before marrying and generally divorces take about a year so even given that extremely tight timeline, she was 22-21 ish when she got married for the first time and had a child that young?

This person to me is showing that she’s looking to a husband to fix her problems in life, which go much, much deeper than feeling jealous of a long time friend.
Honestly, she sounds really lost and confused. She needs either serious help or Hapless Sucker Husband III.

MrMeowAttorneyAtPaw −  My wife then didnt talk to me the rest of my deployment. She fuckin’ what now? I can’t imagine loving someone who does something so petty and n**ty. I do feel like she knew how to manipulate you, because she got you to apologise when you did nothing wrong.

Again, we’re talking about you having a call because a close friend of yours had a baby – that should be celebration time! You’re okay, this isn’t your fault, because it’s an abusive relationship in which you’re the victim. However, only you can take control of your situation and get out of there.

OutspokenPerson −  Your wife is a m**ipulative abuser. This behavior is probably why her daughter’s father wants nothing to do with her. People like your wife are toxic, will isolate you from everyone and everything you love, and it will never be enough.. YOUR behavior is not the problem.

You literally can’t give up enough to “make” a person like this trust you or not act like this, because THEY are the problem. The more you give up, the worse they get. The more you try to coax, coddle, cajole and apologize/beg your way back in to their good graces, the worst they get.

Jason_Funderburker_ −  Honestly from what you say she sounds incredibly m**ipulative and controlling. You should be able to have female friends without your wife getting upset – she should trust you and respect you to believe you when you say that the relationship with your friend is strictly platonic.

Also, the fact that she holds **communication** (with herself as well as with your *daughter*) as essentially ransom while you’re deployed is next level wacko. Regardless of what happens, you should still be able to talk to your family, and her holding that over your head and taking it away is very m**ipulative.

If everything you’re saying is true and you still want to be married to your wife, I really would recommend marriage counseling to focus on communication between you and her. I can’t reiterate enough how problematic it is that she thinks it’s okay to revoke communication with her and your daughter while you’re deployed.

That’s a major issue that needs to be addressed. She has made you change your job, change where you live, and has made you change who you’re friends with. What’s next? Where do you draw the line?

Love can inspire incredible sacrifices, but lasting happiness requires balance, communication, and mutual effort. What would you suggest to someone struggling to reconcile their partner’s unhappiness with their own needs and well-being? Share your thoughts below!