AITA for “kidnapping” my baby, causing my husband to have a panic attack

A Reddit user shared a concerning story about testing her husband’s caregiving abilities after suspecting negligence with their 4-month-old baby. She left for work, only to return unexpectedly to find him sleeping with noise-canceling headphones while the baby cried.

To teach him a lesson, she took the baby to a friend’s house, causing him to panic and call for help. Her actions sparked a family backlash, leaving her wondering if she was in the wrong. Read the full story below:

‘ AITA for “kidnapping” my baby, causing my husband to have a panic attack’

I 29 f recently started working again after having my daughter (4m). Daycare is too expensive so my husband 35m reluctantly agreed to stay home. It’s important to know that he’s been unemployed since 2021. He receives benefits. It’s also important to know that he’s extremely lazy. He doesn’t cook, clean, or help out in any way. I was nervous about leaving her home with her father but I had no choice.

When I came back from work she was clean, and sleeping. The next few times I came home he was either playing with her, feeding her, or out for a walk with her. I was happy. A few days ago my neighbor told me that as soon as I leave the baby cries and she cries for hours. My neighbor said that she knocked on our door and he finally answered it. He was sleeping.

I concluded that he sleeps all day and right. Before I come home he pretends to care for her. I decided to take the day off of work, i left home at my regular time. Waited 30 minutes and then went home. Sure enough he was knocked out sleep with his stupid noise cancelling headphones on.

I went to my daughters room, scooped her up and took her to my friends house. I waited about 2hours and I finally called him to tell him that I was coming home early. He called me back saying that he can’t find the baby. He told me that he was going to call the police but before he did I told him what I did. He called me an a**hole and a lot of other words too.

When I got home his mother was there “calming his nerves” because he has a panic attack. She also called me an a**hole. My husband decided to sleep at her house. Family members are telling me that I’m a terrible person. I know that it was extreme but I don’t know if I would consider myself to be an a**hole

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Dense-Passion-2729 −  Sleeping with noise cancelling headphones as the only adult in the home caring for a 4M old?! Absolutely NTA

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA. He is not an appropriate caretaker for your child and if I were you I’d be reconsidering the relationship completely

Heraonolympia123 −  Someone could have actually kidnapped your child. Or she could have got sick or chocked or needed a nappy change. He is neglecting your child. I cannot believe his mom (her grandmother) hasn’t torn him a new one over this. Find a good childcare and leave him. I do not encourage divorce usually but I’m not sure I could ever trust that man again. Ditto his mom. NTA

AprilL4163 −  This has nothing to do with whether or not you are the a**hole, but you are absolutely not, and the things that should come to your husband will get me banned for stating. She is 4 months old, this is child abuse. Please leave him and get the two of you somewhere safe.

blue-nicorn −  NTA also consider divorce – unemployed and won’t even look after his own kid? This guy’s a leech, you deserve better

ikar9 −  NTA- maybe a little rough approach BUT to not take care of baby is not just n**lect but really abuse. In this age it is really important to have good caregiver. It is dangerous- not just psychologicaly but also physicly. Babies f.e. are more prone to dehydratation and it is shortcut to death in this age.

mandytheratmom −  NTA, but just FYI, this isn’t just a leave your husband because he sucks. You need to leave him before you loose your child. N**lect is abuse. Your neighbor was nice and called you instead of CPS. But if you stay with your husband they can take your child from you as well.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Tell him to stay at his mother’s house. Your baby would get more attention at daycare.

cinnamngrl −  NTA, but now you know he cannot be trusted alone with your baby.

VelvetMoMo −  NTA and you’re lucky that your neighbour hasn’t called social on you. He is leaving your baby in her bed to scream, thinking that noone is coming for hours!. Chuck all his stuff out and him. He isn’t even changing her or feeding her He is sleeping while she screams her heart out.. This is n**lect and child abuse.

Just imagine how bad it is if your neighbour has had to go and check to see if the baby is OK Cos she is crying for so long. Imagine what else he is doing when he is fed up ahe is crying so much… I’d be taking her to gwt checked for other signs of abuse if I was you.

Parenting requires responsibility, especially when trust is involved. Was the mother justified in her drastic approach to exposing her husband’s negligence, or did she overstep? Share your thoughts on this intense situation below!