AITA for telling my mom we haven’t had a good relationship in a long time and I wanted to go live with my dad?
A 16-year-old girl (16F) has grown increasingly frustrated with her mother and stepfather’s treatment, especially after her mother married Gary six years ago. Gary’s son, Ian, is prioritized over her, causing her to feel overlooked and mistreated. After her dad returned home from being overseas, he offered her a chance to live with him, which she expressed to her mom.
Her mom became upset, and after a confrontation, the teen mentioned she’d go to court if necessary. Her mom and Gary now think she’s being unreasonable, while her dad and grandparents support her. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for telling my mom we haven’t had a good relationship in a long time and I wanted to go live with my dad?’
I (16F) used to have a good relationship with my mother. That has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “Gary” six years ago. Gary treats his son “Ian” (19M) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does.
Anything Ian wants, Ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. Ian wanted my room when they moved it? I was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” Ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? I didn’t get braces for another year. Ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for Spring Break? I had to give up Volleyball to make it happen.
Ian wanted to have his side of the family over? I was expected to find somewhere else to be, since I wasn’t family. My mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all.
My dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to FaceTime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. He’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. I’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so I told my mom I wanted to go live with my dad.
She predictably freaked out and asked why I’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. I told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow Gary’s lead and give Ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense.
My mom tried to argue so I said, I also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”I wasn’t family” so I was going to go live with someone who was. My mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so I told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and I was old enough to be able to say where I wanted to be.
She’s been a crying mess since I told her, and Gary is being a j**kass about how awful I’m being. Here’s where I might be the a**hole. He was bitching at me about how terribly I’m treating them and how I’m not thinking about them at all. I asked why should I, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid.
I said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. He sort of went slack jawed and I walked off. My dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. Now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this.
Mom and Gary of course think I’m the a**hole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. AITA for wanting to get away from this situation?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Muladach − NTA. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. I hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.
DemonicSymphony − NTA. Go to your dad’s house. I’m so sorry this is going on
VixHarlow − NTA. You have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long. I hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated. She let him force her to stop treating you as family. You owe them nothing. At all.
wordly_mirror9040 − NTA, but you are a badass. Props to you for telling Gary like it is, and I hope you get the love and treatment you deserve at your dads. Edit: WOW thank you for the award! My first ever! 🙂
El-Catman − You are NTA, gary’s son is 19, he needs to be working or going to school for something. Gary though, is the a**hole, f**k him.
TheLilSqueegee − NTA. If they want to exclude you, belittle you, and force you to make unfair adjustments in order to cater to the whims of their other child, and not use your child support to help raise you, they can damn sure take the consequences of those actions.
Panaccolade − NTA. Your mother’s FIRST obligation is you. Not her husband, not her husband’s son or family. You. She has failed in that, and your living situation is not tolerable. An adult would struggle to thrive in that environment, let alone a teenager. Go to your father’s and don’t worry about your mother. She made her choice.
littenwastaken − NTA. They treat you like trash and now they’re upset they can’t get money from you anymore.
ILovePicklesActually − NTA, situations like these happen all the time and it really sucks to see your own parent favor their spouse and spouses wishes over you. Go live with your dad and obtain that freedom to do what YOU want for once.
timegirl6176 − Can you give us a update after everything goes down. Your nta you needed to start looking after yourself and that’s great that you’re taking the steps to leave a toxic environment.
Was it wrong for the girl to express her desire to live with her dad and be honest about her feelings? Do you think she’s justified in taking this step, or did she go too far in her approach? Share your thoughts and experiences below!