Pastor’s son [22M] broke into media department office and stole my [24F] camera and related equipment. I’m expected to replace it because he “can’t afford to buy a new camera and feed his two daughters”

A church volunteer discovered that the pastor’s son broke into the media department, stole her expensive camera equipment, and left her to bear the cost. Despite their past kindness to her, the volunteer feels betrayed and struggles to decide whether to pursue legal action against the family or let it go. Read the full story below.

‘ Pastor’s son [22M] broke into media department office and stole my [24F] camera and related equipment. I’m expected to replace it because he “can’t afford to buy a new camera and feed his two daughters”‘

I’m sorry for the length! I’m just really confused and emotional right now. tl:dr at the bottom.

Background: I volunteer as a videographer and photographer at a local church. All video and photo equipment is paid for out of my own pocket, and I do not receive any donations for my equipment or expenses. Which is fine, they do good work in a bad neighborhood, and I’m happy to lend my amateur services for free as a hobbyist. I’ve known the pastors’ family for a very long time (17 years), and they have provided me with food and a place to stay numerous times during my turbulent childhood.

The media department has a windowed office within the church. There are patterns on the windows so you can’t see inside, but it’s common knowledge to everyone but visitors that our equipment is in there. There are two keys, one of which I have, and the other belongs to my partner.

A couple of weeks ago, the pastor’s son asked me if he could borrow my camera. He said that it’s “just shooting a video, not that hard”. I declined, so he asked me if I could “shoot a music video for him” He said he’d compensate me and I agreed, knowing that once he realized how much work was actually needed he would reconsider. Anyway, we decided to do it that weekend, and I told him to call me during the week so I could verify my availability, and that Friday was my birthday, so it would have to be before or after then.

I hear nothing from him the entire week. On Friday around 5am, he called me five times. I responded with a text saying that it was my birthday, and that I would be available the next day. He responded “Alright”. The following Sunday I go into the office and notice that there’s a piece missing from my DSLR. My small RODE microphone is also missing. The settings are changed to auto and the picture style is set to monochrome, which is weird because I never use them.

At first I brush it off, thinking that I lost the stuff and just can’t remember where I put it, and that maybe I was messing with the settings and lost the pieces myself. It’s not likely, but my memory is pretty bad, so I let it go. Plus, the booth was locked and the door intact, so I had no reason to believe that someone broke in.

During the next week I lost my keys, so I was unable to do any volunteer work. I came in on Sunday to let them know, and the Pastor walks up to me and *hands me my camera*. She goes “the office was left open, so I borrowed the camera. [Son] wants one so I wanted to see the model”. Okay. Never mind that she’s seen the camera hundreds of times, but okay. Sure. So I go over to the office that was “left open” to find that it’s locked. Weird. Maybe my partner came during the week and left it open.

So I let my partner know later on in the week and they go put it back in the office and locked it behind them. They cleaned up my “mess” (as they put it), and also believed that I must have left the door unlocked.

Fast forward to this Sunday. I notice that the leftmost window has screws missing. The window is loose, and I’m able to pull it away from the wall and reach my hand inside. That’s when I notice that my camera is also missing. I call my partner, and they say to take picture evidence. We confront the pastor, who admits that it was her son that took it, and that she was covering for him.

I ask about my camera and the missing equipment, and she says that I should have kept it locked up better (?!) and that I should have come to her when I first noticed something weird. Whatever, but okay. But he still has to replace the f**king camera right? Or at least give back the one he stole? Wrong. Apparently he has “two daughters to feed, so he can’t afford to buy a thousand dollar camera” and she “doesn’t know where it is or what he did with it”.

At this point, I have of course told them that I’m done volunteering for them. But I am torn about whether I should pursue this legally because of everything their family did for me in the past. I feel so betrayed and worthless. How could they treat me and my things with so little respect? They are supposed to be better than this. Tl:dr pastors son stole my camera, they don’t care. Their family took care of me when I had nowhere to go, so I’m torn about pursuing this. Advice needed.

Edit: It was suggested that I add this to my post as it may clear up why I am so reluctant to involve the police:

Among other things, when I was 16, I was homeless and the pastor’s family took me on for a year. They fed me and gave me a bed free of charge, and the Pastor stayed up late to make sure I had a hot meal to take to work every single day. With the exception of this incident, they have been very involved and concerned with my well being since I was a child. I feel extremely betrayed, but I am also not comfortable taking action (that involves the police) against them.

 

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

cokeiscool −  You file a police report, I feel like the threat of the law will get this pastor reconsider things. Theft is theft, this pastor admitted it knowing it was her son who did it.

[Reddit User] −  We confront the pastor, who admits that it was her son that took it, and that she was covering for him. Great moral role model right there. Methinks this pastor is in the wrong job. Motes and beams, motes and beams.. Still: 1. Police, this is simple theft. He stole, not to feed his kids, but to get a shiny toy. He fucked up. He pays the price. Let the pastor cough up for a replacement, if the pastor wants to help her kid. This is a no-brainer.

2. Report the pastor to her superiors and tell them this un-edifying tale (theft, lying, deception, and if you’ve filed an insurance claim, fraud, not to mention crapping all over a parishioner). 3. Find a new church. EDIT: You will note I said nothing about outing her to her parishioners or the media – that would be inappropriate and vindictive. The person to deal with this is her superior.

PhreakedCanuck −  But I am torn about whether I should pursue this legally because of everything their family did for me in the past. I feel so betrayed and worthless. How could they treat me and my things with so little respect? They are supposed to be better than this.
I am not blaming you for anything but this attitude is what allows so many people, especially clergy, get away with so much crime. Past good deeds does not excuse current or future bad deeds. If she was so willing to cover up for a camera imagine what else get soon has done.

MrCapitalismWildRide −  If you pursue this, it’s probably the end of your volunteer position and the end of your good relationship with the family. Though frankly I doubt this is the first time they’ve taken advantage of you, and it won’t be the last. So they may not be worth keeping good terms with anyway.

[Reddit User] −  Does the pastor know how expensive the camera and related equipment are? I have a friend who is a semi-professional photographer, he has spoken about the cost for his cameras and lens. How many months worth of paychecks did it take to purchase your camera? You should make sure the pastor realizes this is on the order of stealing a used car and not a camera the average person would buy.

I wouldn’t let this slide. If the camera and equipment was insured you will need a police report for the claim. You might want to let the pastor know you can’t afford to just go out and buy something so expensive either. That you’ll have no choice but to file a police report to replace it.. PS.

Get one of the elders or deacons, and your partner to go with you to confront the pastor per Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

JackPAnderson −  The pastor took you in when you needed a place to stay, without any expectation of future compensation for her kindness. Repaying people’s kindness is a good value to live by, and you’ve done a lot of photography/videography work for the church on a volunteer basis. Do you consider that to be a sufficient repayment for her kindness? Personally, I would consider it sufficient repayment and would not feel warm to the idea of excusing the son’s $1000 theft.

Here is what I would do: I would contact the pastor and let her know that you don’t have the $1000 to pay for the camera either, so you’ll need to file a claim with your insurance, which requires a police report to be filed. You never know. This might result in the pastor suddenly finding the $1000.

pamsabear −  You need to get a police report, contact the church board of directors and the association that certifies the pastor. Also contact an attorney for yourself. She’s already trying to spin this as your fault.

gardeniagray −  File a police report.

junkeee999 −  Not only would I file a police report, I would make this incident publicly known at the church as much a possible.

PanicSwtchd −  Based on your edit, I would write it off as a loss. I would, however, tell your Pastor, that while you understand the position she is in, you are surprised that she would allow her son to not only commit robbery, but let him get away with it without consequence and not even approach returning the camera. Tell her that you are disappointed that she couldn’t act with more integrity in such a clear and unambiguous situation. Remove all your equipment and your partner’s equipment and no longer offer it for use. If anyone else fills in, be sure to give them a heads up as to what happened to your equipment.