Me (28F) with my SO [30M] 1.5 yrs, I was helping him out financially, and I had a crisis that he doesn’t believe just because I don’t want to help him anymore.

A Reddit user shares their frustration and hurt after a financial dispute with their fiancé, Travis, who has been struggling financially. The user has been helping him with debt and car payments but recently faced an unexpected financial setback when her mother took all of her money.

When the user explained the situation to Travis, instead of offering support, he accused her of not wanting to help him and voiced frustration about her inability to assist him. This response left the user feeling unsupported and misunderstood, as she’s already been doing her best to help Travis while managing her own financial and emotional challenges. The user is looking for advice on how to rebuild trust and improve communication with Travis.

‘ Me (28F) with my SO [30M] 1.5 yrs, I was helping him out financially, and I had a crisis that he doesn’t believe just because I don’t want to help him anymore.’

My fiancée Travis (30M) and I (28F) have been together for 1.5 years now, and when we first met, he was going through a rough patch financially. I could tell he was struggling, and while I didn’t want money to become a huge part of our relationship right away, I eventually offered to help.

I understood that he had a good job but was still battling with significant student debt and bills, which left him unable to make ends meet comfortably. After about a year of being together, we started talking more seriously about our future. We weren’t rushing into marriage, but we both agreed that it was something we wanted eventually.

Knowing that things were getting more serious between us, I decided to help him with his finances, and he agreed that it was a good idea. I’ve since paid off about $6,000 of his debt and even covered his $1,000/month rental car payments for the last three months, as his credit was bad, and he couldn’t get a car loan.

Eventually, I was in a position to help him buy a new car. We found a great deal, but we both agreed that since we weren’t married yet, the car would be in my name, and he would be insured to drive it until we got there. We were just about to purchase it when some of my old medical bills came back to haunt me.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer about a year ago, but I’m thankfully in remission now. Unfortunately, cancer is very expensive, and the bills took a toll on my finances, putting our car purchase on hold for a few weeks. Then, just three weeks ago, Travis and I went golfing, and I could tell he was stressed.

When I asked him what was going on, he admitted that he had fallen behind on the rental car payments, and with just $10 left in his account, he was worried about it. I reassured him that I would write him a check the next day to cover the car payment and give him the extra money he needed to get through the week.

But when I got home later that night and checked my bank account, I was shocked to find only $2 left. There had been a massive withdrawal, and when I looked into it, I discovered that my mom—who had been on my account years ago when I supported her after my dad passed away—had taken all of my money.

My mom had disappeared to Germany months ago with her boyfriend, and we haven’t spoken since. I’ve struggled with this abandonment, but I never thought she would take such drastic action. Legally, I can’t do anything because her name was still on the account, and she hasn’t been in contact for months.

Naturally, I was in complete panic mode. I immediately texted Travis to explain what had happened and asked him to stay calm and be there for me, as I was a mess. Unfortunately, his response was not what I had expected. Instead of offering support, he said, “If you didn’t want to help me out, you could just say so.”

He went on to point out how every time I was about to help him with something major, something “conveniently” happens that stops me. I understand his frustration, but I’m still hurt that he would assume I wasn’t being honest with him.

The entire situation has left me feeling completely unsupported and misunderstood. I know he’s stressed about his finances and the burden I’ve been carrying, but it hurts that he doesn’t trust me. I’m struggling to figure out how to approach him and rebuild that trust. I feel completely overwhelmed by the situation, and I don’t know how to make him understand how much this is affecting me.

I care deeply for Travis, and I want to work through this, but I’m unsure how to regain his trust and get us back on track. I’m doing my best to gather myself, but right now, I just don’t know how to handle it. Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

AnferneeBourdain −  You are a being a sucker and you’re being guilted and accused of lying because Travis’s gravy train has to momentarily stop because you were robbed. He doesn’t care about comforting you, he doesn’t care about investigating further, he only cares about “where is my money you need to give me money me me me me”.

If you want to be a thankless sugar momma that’s fine, but at least everyone needs to be open about it.

Ethelfleda −  Honey….you need to stop being a sucker. Your boyfriend is using you for an ATM and your mother is despicable. Your boyfriend should be supporting you over your mother’s betrayal but instead…you need to prove that you’re trustworthy????? Did hearing that make you realize how fucked up that is?

Your boyfriend should know you. Since your relationship is so good that you feel comfortable helping him financially…shouldn’t he be able to trust you? You have some criminally low expectations for a partner. You deserve better.

eshtive353 −  Can’t you just show Travis your bank account with the huge withdrawal by your mom? Like, I’m assuming that your bank statement also has information about where the withdrawal was made. If you show Travis a bank account with no money in it and a withdrawal from Germany (or wherever your mom is now), he’ll believe you.

The bigger issue is why he was so quick to think that you’re lying about this and something that you two will have to talk about. For one reason or another, your bf doesn’t trust you, at least about this.

ophelias32 −  Ok so you are in this together. I get that. I see you bought him a brand new snowmobile as well as paying his bills. What has he done for you? I’m sorry but somebody who is having the financial trouble that he is in, would have returned the snowmobile and put that money on his bills. He sounds irresponsible and is basically you are his mother.

You pay his bills, buy him expensive gifts and he throws a temper tantrum when you can’t give him what he wants. Is this the type of man you want to marry? Somebody whose priorities are snowmobiles and diet plans over paying his own f**king debts? And I’m sure that snowmobile was well played hinting.

Oh I wish I had the money for a new snowmobile, oh well maybe someday, sad face. And I would really like to try this diet, but I just can’t afford it, it really sucks because I want to get healthy. Also, you had this conversation while golfing? Golfing is an expensive hobby. Not horrible but it does cost money.

Why is he golfing if he does not have enough money to pay his own bills???? You are not married, this is not a sickness and health situation, this is a grown ass man who is extremely m**ipulative and has found his fairy godmother. If he was any kind of decent person he would not have accepted any of your gifts and gotten a 2nd job to pay off his bills,

if he has time to golf and snowmobile he has time for a 2nd job. He is taking advantage of you and manipulating you. But now he has shown his true colors. Take this as a sign and while you may hate your mother for what she did, you should thank your lucky stars that it has shown his nature. Selfish, entitled, and extremely m**ipulative.

Of course he is back tracking now because he knows he fucked up and if he doesn’t make nice then the ATM you are will be closed. Please respect your self, do not feel like you need to buy your man’s love, and leave him now. Otherwise he will s**k you dry and leave you when you are nothing but and empty shell.

cathline −  A relationship is give and take. In his mind, that means you give and he takes. Not a keeper

teresajs −  You’re really naive. Travis is using you the same way your mother has used you. He’s a 30 year-old man! Stop giving him money or paying for stuff. Also, if you haven’t already, get your own bank account with no one else’s name on it. Put yourself first. Let others take care of themselves. Leeches are robbing you of your money and life.

GenericDreadHead −  Firstly, wow, I’m so, so sorry OP 🙁 Your mother sounds like a despicable character and your boyfriend is really not handling this well at all. I’d would make NO apologies to him for ANYTHING. You were just f**king, straight up, robbed by the woman who gave birth to you.

If he doesn’t want to be 100% there for you in 100% of the ways he can, kick his ass to the curb. This is one of those times he needs to s**k it up and get on with how bad he might feel for himself and start putting on brave face and getting on board with Team Financialwoes123

acciointernet −  Holy s**t, after reading your comments…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find a relationship therapists and seek therapy. Your understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like & your self esteem/expectation of what you deserve in a relationship need a LOT of work.

No one with healthy boundaries would EVER, EVER put up with what you have put up with from your (hopefully ex) boyfriend. Keep in mind that most people tend to seek relationships that mirror the relationships we had with our parents/were demonstrated by our parents in childhood.

Those of us with abusive or neglectful parents tend to find abusive or neglectful partners later on in life, because that is what we expect/assume a loving relationship should look like. I really think you would benefit a LOT from therapy.

Also consider checking out Pia Mellody’s books – The Intimacy Factor, Facing Love Addiction, and Facing Codependency. Lack of proper boundary-setting is a red flag for codependency/love addiction.

[Reddit User] −  He went on about how whenever he really needs help or I’m about to make a big purchase for him there is something that just conveniently happens. The nerve of that guy! You are paying for his car and he still dares to complain! All that guy cares about is your money. I’m sorry, OP. You just found out there are 2 self-centered people in your life. You’re better off without both of them.

silverraven1189 −  I really hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend is using you. You just had your mother betray you and you asked Travis to give you emotional support. Any caring boyfriend or friend would ask you if you’re okay, if you want to talk or a hug, and if there’s anything you needed. Instead, he asked about money. His first concern wasn’t about your well being and you.

It was about your money and whether you’d give it to him. After all you’ve helped him out, all he cares about is manipulating you out of money. Don’t believe for a second that he thought you were lying to him. He knew you weren’t lying and he’s trying to guilt you into dipping into your savings/investments so the gravy train doesn’t stop.

What you do is tell him that you’re not lying to him, and to be able to pay off your own bills and build up your savings you won’t be able to give him any more money or pay any of his bills. If he actually cares about you, he’ll apologize for not believing you and being selfish and comfort you. If he only cares about your money, he’ll flip out, accuse you of lying and try to guilt you into giving him money.