My dad (74) trashed my apartment. I want to kick him out, but my wife says she thinks it’s “not the right thing to do”.

A man returns from vacation to find his apartment trashed by his father, who lives there rent-free. Frustrated by his dad’s disrespect for their space and boundaries, he wants to ask him to leave. However, his wife feels conflicted, citing the financial support his father provided for their home and her fear of potential guilt. Read his dilemma below.

‘ My dad (74) trashed my apartment. I want to kick him out, but my wife says she thinks it’s “not the right thing to do”.’

Recently my wife and I went on a vacation for two weeks. We’re lucky that in our country, COVID has been kept at bay, so travelling within the country is pretty easy. My dad lives in our apartment. He doesn’t pay rent. While we were away, he continued living there. Upon our return, the place had pretty much been trashed.

There were fast food wrappers all over the floor, in the living room and bedrooms. Dirty shirts (several of them mine) being washed in the kitchen sink. Toilets in the bathrooms clogged up. One of the windows was left open during a rainstorm, letting rainwater in. Open condiment jars and cold cuts left out. Moldy food on the stove. A dozen half-finished coffees everywhere. Laundry just thrown on the floor in the living room. Appliances that were working perfectly fine before we left broken.

He is actually in good shape mentally, but he’s just always been a slob. This isn’t the first time he’s abused our space. He refuses to live by my rules, even though the house is in my name. A while back, he allowed his friends to use our home as a meeting place. When one of them started trying to recruit people for a MLM, I said that the party was over and that I wanted everyone off my property.

I called the cops and unfortunately in the heat of the moment, I lost my temper in front of them by saying if f the cops didn’t remove them from my property, I would do so with force. My dad then got upset with me because I had “disrespected” his friends and made him look bad.

I talked to my wife about it, and while she acknowledges that my dad is a slob and a hoarder, she doesn’t want to kick him out because he gave us money towards the home for our wedding. She said that if something happened to him it would weigh on her conscience if she sided with me in asking him to leave. TL;DR – Dad trashed my apartment and I want him to leave. Wife said she feels bad about asking him to leave because dad gave us some money to buy the house and because of the risk of something happening to him.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Wchijafm −  Things that arent signs of a slob: leaving windows open for days during a rain storm, washing clothes in the sink and leaving them there, leaving out sandwich making stuff for days, clogging multiple toilets in a short time frame and leaving them(he is forgetting to flush and just reusing the same water without flushing), thinking MLMers are your friends. He needs to be evaluated for dementia. Edit: these are all signs of starting a task, forgetting what you are doing, and abandoning it.

[Reddit User] −  People who have dementia often seem at first like they are disrespectful and careless, and their loved ones become very angry with them. This can be more difficult to see if your relationship has always been fraught.

I respect not wanting him in your space- it’s entirely expected- but I would try to handle it compassionately and get him checked out. A lot of what you’re describing really sounds like it could be a sign of cognitive decline, and if you figure that out later on, you may regret treating him harshly for behaviors that were actually a sign of underlying illness.

fabledangie −  There’s no way these are the actions of someone “in good shape mentally but just a slob”, open your eyes OP. Your saintly wife at least gives you the opportunity to get him evaluated without completely abandoning him up front. If there’s somehow no medical issue or he refuses to accept the diagnosis, then you can issue an ultimatum.

kgberton −  He is actually in good shape mentally, but he’s just always been a slob. This is not right. He’s not just a slob, there’s definitely something wrong here.

[Reddit User] −  There were fast food wrappers all over the floor, in the living room and bedrooms. Dirty shirts (several of them mine) being washed in the kitchen sink. Toilets in the bathrooms clogged up. One of the windows was left open during a rainstorm, letting rainwater in. Open condiment jars and cold cuts left out. Moldy food on the stove. A dozen half-finished coffees everywhere. Laundry just thrown on the floor in the living room. Appliances that were working perfectly fine before we left broken.

There’s a really good chance this is some form of dementia. My eighty-something granddad was doing stuff like this before he was diagnosed. He needs assessing and he’s probably going to need to move to some sort of assisted living facility. If he was just a slob, why was he trying to clean shirts in the sink?

grand_insom −  I think your bad relationship with your dad is blinding you to the obvious fact that he’s sick. A slob would let the dishes pile up in the sink. Maybe not take out the trash. Read all of this over and just think of how this guy could possibly function alone. It’s a miracle he didn’t burn the house down. Get him checked out. If you want him out of the house, a nursing home or something similar is probably the best option.

gdfishquen −  How did he manage to break multiple appliances over two weeks? That’s not normal slob behavior. I really question your opinion that he’s in good shape mentally if he does things like trying to wash shirts in the sink but giving up half way though.

TurtleDive1234 −  So who cleans up after him when the two of you are at home? Your wife?

spicybEtch212 −  There’s NOTHING mentally sound about a hoarding slob. Get him checked.

Memoryworkrewardsme −  Early signs of dementia by the sounds of it. Being alone and without support has made it more visible. Is he usually unclean to this level? I mean the jobs all sound half done.