My gf (25F) cheated on me with her ex (23M)?

A young man recounts a painful breakup with his long-distance partner and wrestles with feelings of betrayal and uncertainty. Did his ex cheat, or did the relationship simply fall apart? Here’s his story.

‘ My gf (25F) cheated on me with her ex (23M)?’

For context, me and my ex were long distance and broke up almost a month ago now, but this feeling is still eating away at me. When we met her ex had broken up with her because he has commitment issues and every time she spoke about him early on in our relationship it seemed like she hated him (she even said so herself) but then a couple months into it she met back up with him to get her stuff back and had a conversation with him and from that point forward they were on good terms with one another, but she assured me she wouldn’t be friends with him.

But then as our relationship went on this started to change and she even said he was her best friend (before backtracking). If I’m being entirely honest her being friends with him sort of didn’t sit right with me in the first place as I’m someone who has the mindset that an ex is an ex for a reason (especially with their relationship ending in a nonconclusive manner), but I figured I was just over thinking and tried to let it go.

Fast forward to about 2 months ago and she says she wants a break, which then ended up with her maybe wanting to break up, which didn’t end up happening after we both talked about it. Then a month later she said she wanted to slow things down between us/wanted a break because of how she was feeling mentally, which I accepted. 3 weeks later she broke up with me over text while I was sleeping saying she “was sorry for lying” about the break because she didn’t want to make me upset.

She also said she wasn’t in a mentally good space to be in a relationship at the moment and then ended the message with her saying she needed space and said “I hope we can catch up eventually”. I accepted the break up but I really hated the way she did it, it meant I wasn’t able to have a conversation with her and ask questions. I woke up to her having me blocked on multiple platforms and unfollowed me on the main ones with her profile now private. I woke up to everything we had built just gone with no real closure.

I sent a couple messages expressing these feelings and then she messaged me back when I was sleeping again basically saying she’s sorry for how she did it, but she was trying to conflict the least amount of pain possible. This hurt even more, because it felt like she hadn’t given too much thought about me by doing it this way.

She also said she hasn’t ever been good with long distance in the past, which has never been something she expressed to me, it also seemed like instead of her being in a bad place to be in a relationship, she was just describing our relationship with it being long distance. Throughout all of this it was never an actual conversation, she always just sent me these texts when I was asleep.

Then the next day I decided I needed to also unfollow her on platforms since that’s clearly what she wanted at the moment, and I don’t think she knew I followed her on reddit, but when I went to unfollow I noticed a post mentioning her boyfriend, however I’m not 25… reading about her boyfriend of “essentially 4 years” (she first started dating her ex 4 years ago) and it was about him having p*rn on his phone and being a frequent viewer which is something she told me about him early on in our relationship. I checked Instagram and her ex had blocked me (we never even followed each other or talked ever)

I kind of freaked out and messaged her again saying I know about it (I didn’t mention reddit) and that I never want to talk to her again and switched my phone off and went to work, but looking back I hate the way I dealt with it. After work, I checked reddit again, and the post was still there, but an hour later she responded telling me she has no idea what I’m talking about, so I checked and the post had been deleted so I let on about the reddit post and she said it was a post on her friends behalf.

She also blocked me on tiktok before we broke up and her friend blocked me around the first time she said she wanted a break, when I asked her why her friend blocked me she kinda just said she didn’t know but gave me a theory that after one time when she stayed over at a friend’s she slept until 5pm so I messaged her friend to ask if she was okay, she didn’t want to get involved with our relationship, then she said she wasn’t going to ask her, at the time I brushed that off but I regret not questioning that more.

After this argument (our only argument) she said she wouldn’t bother me anymore and blocked me, so I moved her messages to general on Instagram so I didn’t have to look at them. Recently I discovered she unblocked me at some point in the last 3 weeks and went public again, I got curious and opened her story, which I shouldn’t have done and she posted her in a car with her ex going on a road trip and I just blocked her again because I don’t want to deal with it.

Update:  But yeah, I just found out she 100% cheated on me. I (20M) saw a post on her tiktok about her moving in with her “bf” and I unblocked and confronted her. She didn’t seem to actually care too much, she didn’t seem to care that she ripped my heart out and gaslit me about it. She cheated on me with her ex for 2 WEEKS!!! before she broke up with me, then after telling me this she went on to say her “character didn’t change because she made a mistake”. She keeps calling it a mistake like its nothing.

She also said that she likes who she is, and that she is “bright, talented and has a kind heart” and that I can’t take that away from her “just because she made a mistake that hurt me”. She was f**king talking like a superhero or something while admitting to me she cheated on me. I feel like there’s a gaping hole in my chest, my lungs feel h**low and my heart feels like it’s trying to break out of my chest. I don’t know how I’ll ever move on, or get rid of these trust issues, has anyone else moved on from something like this that can help?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Dylanear −  What advice do you want from this post? Who the hell knows if she cheated or just broke up to be with her ex, or whatever, but there’s like 50 reasons to just leave her blocked, assume she’s mentally 15, not 25 and just move on with your life knowing you are much better off as distant from her as possible rather than in a relationship with her.

2saintlovature −  Sounds like monkey branching to me, just let her go she’s not worth it.

stevencri −  She didn’t make that post for a friend. That’s the worlds oldest excuse… “I wasn’t smoking, I was holding this for a friend”. Whether she cheated or not isn’t exactly certain. It’s definitely possible but we’ll never know for sure. That’s something you’ll just have to live with and accept. But shes 100% dating him again. While the long distance was likely a consideration in the breakup, the main reason was because she wasn’t over him and wanted to be with him. Keep them both blocked everywhere and move on.

RTED84 −  Turn off all social media and focus on yourself.

spikespiegell1 −  Brother you will move on from this. I experienced that same thing, she cheated w an ex + there were few others. You will have trust issues, it will hurt for a while and you might want to look into therapy, but you will move on from this.

Fsrrr10 −  She’s just trying to justify the hurt she caused you. Maybe she’ll wake up one day full of regret and truly realize she was a horrible person.

JVEMets −  That wasn’t a mistake; it was a conscious decision. I know it hurts now but you are clearly better off not being with this person.

StudentOfLife1992 −  She’s a literal s**iopath.

crimsongizzarder −  She’s right. Her character didn’t change. She was and still is a duplicitous cheater.

TheSacredSynergist −  You congratulate her bf in taking the cheater of your hands.

Theone1696 −  I’m not going to lie here my friend. I’d move on. She’s trying to somehow both apologize and say she made a simple mistake. I personally wouldn’t forgive any cheating and this went on for a prolonged period of time. She’s not “bright, talented and has a kind heart” if she’s willing to do something stupid, unethical and honestly very lazy. It’s a hard lesson to learn but can you trust someone after something like that? Especially when she’s taking no blame?

Several-Try3162 −  That behavior is called n**cissism. She is a legend in her own mind. She likely thinks everything she does somehow equals a positive. Many cheaters have a validation system that legitimizes their crimes, but others would see through easily, such as: you weren’t paying attention to me, I didn’t feel special, I get frisky when I drink so it’s not me, my friends talked me into it, etc..

The difference between them and a narcissist is that at their core, regular cheaters know what they’re saying is bs. They may over time come to understand that they were wrong, possibly after much negative reinforcement. A narcissist wakes up deluded into thinking all things are about them. They are the protagonists in any situation. They believe that if they decide to cheat on and betray you it’s not really a betrayal. They don’t have to convince themselves that they are right because if it’s what they decided to do it’s right by that qualification alone.

You will never talk a narcissist into anything. They can seem like the absolute best people on the surface, winning smiles, bright personalities. These people believe that they are above reproach. No matter how foul their actions are it’s all to some benefit.

I don’t think she’s a s**iopath, though I can’t say for sure. Sociopaths can have lasting relationships as long as there is a logic to it. A narcissist only suffers long-term relationships where their own self-centered perspectives and narrative are catered to by their partner religiously. They will feel intense emotions when that is challenged. In contrast, a s**iopath will feel very little when confronted but will have the self awareness to be able to see right from wrong and choose according to their inner goals.

A narcissist is living a lie. There may be some vague truth like that they are smart, attractive, or talented in something, but they will see that as the reason they are good at everything. When your ex was confronted with her wrongs she did not agree, accept her f’d up nature and say, “oh well,” as a s**iopath might. She took offense and responded by claiming that her piety was above your lowly pain and agony to scratch with it’s guilt. She is a paradigm of virtue in her own mind. She could be choking down the baby batter of a dozen guys and she would consider it her gift to you.

In reality, though, she did you a HUGE favor in the long run. She showed you who she really is underneath and she will never be able to erase that from you. When she comes crawling back, dismiss her entirely. Don’t look for closure. Don’t try to teach her your pain so she will get it and finally be sorry. She never will be. She never cared about you. Go no contact and be your best self. You will heal in time.

Independent-Team-831 −  U will recover from this. Stay strong.

kyleisthebestest −  I’m really sorry to hear that man. It hurts now but you’ll become a super tough person down the road. I walked in on my ex literally in the act. Stuff will never be the same for me.