My (30F) husband (33M) probably cheated. How do I go about this?

A Reddit user (30F) suspects her husband (33M) of cheating after finding suspicious messages on his phone, including a cryptic conversation with an unfamiliar woman. Though his behavior has been loving and attentive in the weeks following the incident, she’s still plagued by doubts, especially after seeing him near a hotel during work hours.

Despite the holidays and her desire to maintain peace for the sake of her family, she’s unsure whether to confront him now or leave things alone. With a loving relationship and three kids, she feels torn between confronting him and possibly discovering the truth or suppressing her suspicions. To understand more about her dilemma, read the full story below…

‘ My (30F) husband (33M) probably cheated. How do I go about this?’

I can’t believe I’m in this situation. My (30F) husband (33M) and I have been together for nine years, married for six, and we have three young kids. I thought we have an amazing, loving relationship and he’s always gone above and beyond for me and the kids. I’ve always felt like I could go to him for absolutely anything and he’d take care of me.

About two weeks ago, while my husband was getting ready for work, his phone buzzed on the counter and I saw the messages saying “See you tonight” and “Make sure she doesn’t know anything” The contact name was a woman’s name I’d never heard before. I was shocked but I wanted to see what would happen in the evening and didn’t say anything but I knew something was clearly up.

In the evening, my husband said he had to work late and I tracked his location and saw that he left work a little early and was around a hotel for around two hours. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t confront him because the holidays were coming up and we had plans to spend time with my parents and I didn’t want to ruin things for them or our kids.

I told myself I could suppress my thoughts and feelings and we would talk about this later on and we did have a really good couple of weeks. He’s been so loving and attentive that I literally don’t know what to think. For Christmas, he surprised me with a new wedding band since my old one broke recently and he also got me a beautiful necklace in the style he knows I love.

He’s been his usual self, being present at home, helping with the kids, being affectionate and romantic, and we’ve been intimate multiple times a week. In his sleep, he still pulls me close. Ever since that evening when he was at a hotel, I’ve been checking his location a lot and he’s always just at work or the gym.

There are no telltale signs of cheating so I literally don’t know what to think. I’ve tried to tell myself that maybe I’m overthinking and that there could be an innocent explanation for everything but those messages on his phone and his time at the hotel are eating away at me.

I feel like I’ve always been a really loving and supportive wife to him and I can’t understand why he would feel the need to step out. It’s tearing me up inside, and I feel stuck between confronting him and just moving on. My husband can tell something is on my mind and has been asking me about it and I’ve just been saying that I’m tired but I can’t keep doing this.

On one hand, I feel like I’d rather not know but I also can’t keep second guessing everything. How do I go about this?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Telly75 −  Look unless he went to the hotel to meet a private provider to get you the new wedding band because he was trying to get it on the cheap… I cannot think of the more logical excuse. If there truly is an innocent reason, that was about the dumbest place he could choose to meet someone.

If its cheating, which is 99.9 percent likely is, you need to be worried about STDs. Personally, I would go stealth and get one of those things that can copy messages or if you get a chance, look through all his messages yourself. Bear in mind if he is cheating, he may have erased evidence.

Try looking in the trash try looking for photos and looking at the photos trash. Try his Google history. But if you’re too nervous, just confront him. You’ll know within the first few seconds by his reaction whether it’s true or not. If you choose to do this, have a parents place to go to as a backup. I don’t say friend because it sounds like whoever this person is, they know you

ImaginaryPie7696 −  Find the proof you need.. And then confront him.

Throwmeaway_Biatch −  Simply speak to him. Tell him you saw a message on his phone and you want to understand what that message meant. You are married you shouldn’t be scared to ask your husband anything.

LincolnHawkHauling −  He’s being intimate with his you and his affair partner which is putting your health and life at risk.

yellowduckfeet −  What advice would you tell your grown child? Stay or go?

NYCStoryteller −  You look at his phone messages, screen shot them, and then get your game plan together. You know how abusers can be really sweet and loving after they beat you up?. So can cheaters. You know damn well there’s no innocent reason he had to “work late” and then went to a hotel for two hours. Don’t put your head in the sand.

Get your game plan together, tell some close friends/family members, and contact an attorney. When you have a plan to file for a divorce, confront him with the information. Do NOT just “move on”. Move on?! He’s cheating on you! There’s no moving on.

Long_Condition9273 −  Bizarrely the message ‘make sure she doesn’t know anything’ is kind of making me think there might be an innocent explanation. I mean that’s a weird thing to say if you think about it. What, because he might tell his wife he is going to cheat he needs to be text not to? 😂

showercowcap −  You don’t have to leave him if you don’t want to, but you have to talk to him about this. Otherwise it’s going to keep eating away at you forever. Whatever you end up deciding, don’t stay for the kids. You won’t do them any favours by staying in an unhappy marriage.

Big_Double_8500 −  You have to research the woman’s name. Google it plus the town. Search his FB and Insta friends. Look on his Venmo friends list (it shows his phone contacts who also use Venmo). Placing the woman will give you the answers. I wouldn’t say a word to him yet. Break into his email and search the name. Hack his iCloud. Get his phone!! The key here is don’t make him suspicious until you have some answers.