WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I was only invited as a guest?

A twin brother faces a tough decision about attending a surprise birthday dinner organized for his twin sibling, where he is invited only as a guest. The event includes mutual friends and feels like a celebration for one twin while ignoring the shared significance of the day. Would skipping the dinner make him the bad guy, or is it fair to prioritize his feelings about being excluded from a meaningful celebration? Read the full story below.

‘ WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I was only invited as a guest?’

WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I am only invited as a guest. Would I be the a**hole for not attending a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother?

So I’m a twin, my brother and I hang out all the time and we are super close. In a few days its our (25m) birthday. We share the same friend group and we’re all really close and have been since school. He has a close group of girl friends (about 5 of them) who I have also known for many years, I would class them as being closer with him in recent years but we are all still good friends and socialise often together.

Now, I have been added to a group chat labeled “my brothers name surprise dinner!” It is a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother organised by one of the girls in that group and they have invited me as a guest. One of them also said in the group that it would “be nice to see me as well” so I just feel like an afterthought.

I wouldn’t really have minded if the girls wanted to organise a surprise birthday evening exclusively for my brother and themselves but they have also invited my partner and some of my brother and I’s closest friends.

This feels inconsiderate and quite upsetting as I can’t understand why I would be invited to my literal twin brothers surprise birthday dinner with me only invited as a guest as it is also my birthday involving all of our friends. My girlfriend also found this action to be extremely rude and wondered why this girl didn’t just reach out to her and then they could have organised a surprise involving both of us instead or have just involved both my brother and I and left the surprise element out of it.

In the chat it is clearly stated that we are all to arrive at one time while my brother is due to arrive 20 minutes later. The thought of attending makes me feel weird because it’s just a celebration for “his” birthday when him and I are literally born on the same day. This isn’t new information to the organiser.

Also, every year my brother and I do something together because we want to and because we have the same friends, last year our friends and my girlfriend set up a massive dinner for our birthday to which everyone was invited, including the girl group.

So now I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know whether or not to attend. On one hand, if I don’t go I will feel left out because our mutual friends are going. But on the other hand if I do go, I will feel like I am letting myself be disrespected and I will likely feel uncomfortable as it feels like only my brother is being celebrated. So, WIBTA if I took a stand and didn’t go?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

KittKatt7179 −  NTA. I would not go. Do something with your brother earlier that day, then treat yourself to something special with your girl later on. And you might want to look into getting a new group of friends….are you sure they even like you?

Rtarara −  NTA: Break the surprise and talk to your brother. Something about this is…off. I could postulate, but there is something going on here that isn’t just someone wanting to throw a bday dinner. If you usually celebrate with your twin and your close friends, it sounds like this person is trying to be mean to you/disrupt that on purpose.

capmanor1755 −  NTA. It’s weirdly aggressive and rude to invite you, your gf, and a bunch of your friends to a not-your-birthday party on your actual birthday. No big deal if they’d done something with just him but by making it a surprise they’re trying to trap you into going along. It’s so weirdly aggressive I’d break the surprise and talk to him. In fact show him this thread.

TermsNcond −  Just say sorry I am celebrating my birthday and can’t make it. NTA.

Sweet_pea_girl −  NTA. I don’t see how they could have overlooked it being your birthday too, so it seems like a bit of a deliberate leaving out/insult. It’s totally fine to have separate friends and birthday plans, but then they should have kept it separate. They aren’t required to celebrate you and your birthday, but this is effectively saying yours doesn’t matter at all and it’s really kind of cruel. My advice is to speak to your bro about it.

Allaboutbird −  NTA. It could feel really awkward to sit there celebrating your brother’s birthday on your own birthday. Do something special with your GF and celebrate with your brother on another day.

No_Victory3061 −  NTA…I would probably say something like idk if can make it..brother and I usually do something together for our birthday. A surprise party might not work for him either as we always do things together for our shared birthday…and… see what they say…but…I might be the drama…lol…i don’t get the Y T A comments because it’s literally a shared twin birthday that they have always celebrated together…with the same friend group…it’s not like a separate friend group of the brother..it’s there shared friends.

NeedleworkerMuch3061 −  YWNBTA. However what you should really do is make plans with your girlfriend and close friends, and invite your brother too. Your brother can then decide if he wants to go to whatever they’re framing this as, or the family/close friend birthday celebration.

IMO you don’t owe anything to a group of idiots who can’t figure out just how rude it is to make a surprise party for one twin and not the other, *and then invite the other twin as a freaking “guest”*. Like what, everyone there will just pretend it’s not your birthday too? Just mind-blowingly stupid and rude.

Conscious-Arm-7889 −  Your girlfriend needs to send the organisers a message saying something like “don’t you think it’s $hit that you’re organising a surprise birthday for twin B, but treating twin A as an afterthought, and not making it a surprise for him as well?”

See what reply she gets, and if you don’t like it, tell your brother you’ve booked a table for a few of you on the other side of town an hour before the surprise party. His friends might have to give the game away if he agrees to it! At the very least OP should tell the party organisers that he isn’t angling to be an afterthought on his own birthday, and he’s prepared to tell his brother exactly that. NTA.

CatelinaBaylorfan −  NTA. Start a group chat with your actual close friends and ask them what the f**k? Why they chose to join in on a big exclude you on your birthday event. It’s fucked up.