AITA for giving away my grandparents’ gift intended for my fiancé

A Reddit user faced backlash after giving away part of a holiday gift from their grandparents to a married gay cousin who had received less. Their grandparents give more money to married couples, but the cousin and his husband only received a single person’s gift due to the family’s refusal to recognize their marriage.

The user made a bold move by handing over $200 in front of everyone, causing a family argument and leaving their fiancé feeling rejected. Read the full story below to decide if the user crossed a line.

‘ AITA for giving away my grandparents’ gift intended for my fiancé’

Every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. When opening up our gifts this year, I noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and I received $500. I handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene.

My family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. They refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle.

I defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. I think there’s been a mistake”. Conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and I leaving shortly after.

My family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. My fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and I rejected her in front of everyone. AITA?

UPDATE: Cousin is taking us out to NYE dinner with their $200!

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

bright_copperkettles −  NTA. Your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent’s homophobia. Good for you. Your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture.

Caribooteh −  NTA. The money was a gift so it was yours to do whatever you wanted with. You made a point to your family and stuck up for your cousin’s relationship. Good for you. Maybe have a word with your fiancé to reiterate it wasn’t a message for her.

Arcsis −  NTA- You framed it perfectly for making it fit into their gifting rules. They’re just mad that you called out their bigotry.. Keep up the good work!

bgs-xf −  NTA – your family sucks…anyways you can just give 250 to your fiance and say that you gave money from your half to your cousin

sunflowersandyou −  INFO: did the resulting situation and early departure upset your cousin? Would he have preferred to fly under the radar and enjoy the festivities and deal with it later?

If the answer to the question is “no, it did not bother him.” Then NTA. That $500 was your money, to do whatever you want with. You can give it away, you can make a paper fan out of it, you can practice origami, you can spend it on anything. It was yours. And your family sounds like a bunch of bigots.

naranghim −  NTA. You didn’t reject your fiancée in front of everyone because, according to the note they said “share with your spouse.” You don’t have one yet. Once you opened that envelop it *became* your money.

cdiddy19 −  I don’t think you’re TA for giving your gift away. It was your money to do with what you want. I think you did an incredibly generous thing. Also how you said “you think there’s been a mistake” was a really nonconfrontational way to address the intended slight against your cousin and open dialogue.

It really sucks your fiance felt disrespected or hurt. I can see how she would feel awkward when trying to fit in with your fam. I feel for her. At the same time, if I were the fiance I would feel proud of you for defending your cousin who was obviously slighted.

I know those were two opposing statements. I don’t think you could have seen that unintended consequence of giving your gift to your cousin. So in that situation I don’t feel like you’re TA.

I’m really proud of you for doing a generous thing. It wasn’t the easy thing, you did it anyway. Side note, damn what the hell is gram and Gramps doing that they can give 300 and 500 to their grandkids?!?!

jp8995 −  NTA, you are the 1 true ally your cousin has and I guarantee you, he will remember that act for decades to come. Info: how the hell does your fiancé think your action was a r**ection of her? Rules are pretty clear: married couples get the $500. You not only aren’t married (yet), but you were also protecting your cousin and his husband from bigoted people. She should be backing your efforts, not disagreeing with them.

allthecactifindahome −  NTA, once you give a gift, it doesn’t belong to you anymore, so it was your money to dispense as you please. It’s pretty obvious why you chose to dispense it that way, it sounds like your fiancee is scraping the barrel for a reason it make it about her and not your family’s homophobia.

Kittaem −  Info: would your fiance have supported your decision if you spoke with her first and presented your case for doing it publically vs privately? Being married means you’re becoming a team. Decisions on shared assets should be communicated and discussed between both parties.

This is just a small incident and of course your action is commendable, but at the same time your fiance has the right to be slightly peeved that you’re making decisions for her with money that is both of yours.

Not to mention this decision would put her in the spotlight. Doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t think the end justifies the means, but a little heads up would be nice if you guys are supposed to be a team.

Was the Redditor right to stand up for their cousin, or should they have handled the situation more privately? How would you approach standing up against family biases during the holidays? Share your thoughts below!