AITA dad gave the business to brother so I left

A Reddit user (27M) shares how he worked tirelessly to build his father’s plumbing business over 12 years, only to have his older brother (30M), who recently returned to the family, given full ownership of the company. After being demoted with a significant pay cut, the user felt betrayed and left to start his own business.

His father revealed that guilt over not being present during his older son’s childhood influenced the decision, despite acknowledging the user’s vital contributions. Now, the user is dealing with fallout from family and friends, but he’s determined to move forward.

‘ AITA dad gave the business to brother so I left’

My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life.

I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I’m on tools now as I’m doing everything to run the business.

well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO,

this upset me iv been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and iv been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.

I spoke to my dad and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni , a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.

I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoke to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month Iv had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???

EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.

In the morning I will contact the large clients iv worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me iv saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.

Update I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to iv spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.

I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them. I will update after the events of later today.

Upvoted 2: as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did. This morning when I arrived at my parents house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast,

he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first tile I saw my dad cry,

I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.

I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told me father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more then I could explain,

he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again,

my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was,

but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fun a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for my self.

My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.

Update 3: as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about,

3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under there own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 – 10 year more experience in the industry,

at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.

Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there,

I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning,

I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what dose he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave,

I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that i will not sit there and be treated like that,

I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out iv been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.

Update 4: sorry it’s been a while iv had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I’ll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.

me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier then I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.

Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us.

My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said. Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Judgement_Bot_AITA − OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a**hole:. — A feel I’m the a**hole for leaving the business and refusing to talk to my dad or brother because my father gave my brother the business even though I’ve worked for for 12 years and run it for two and my brother has only been in the company for one. —.

justwaad −  That pay cut is cold. I can’t believe they’d do that to their own family. NTA.

wantamint −  NTA- I would never ever stay at any job that cut my pay. This is a betrayal from people who should never betray you. I’m so sorry they have let you down and I hope this won’t disillusion you about trusting others.

Snoo_39937 −  Dude, good luck on your new venture. My only advice from one former tradesman to another, is to not underbid the job trying to land the contract and be stuck with a albatross around your neck. Let your brother’s inability to accurately bid large contracts play itself out and don’t help him by making unforced errors.. edit: nta

ForeignPerformance66 −  Unfortunately that’s what happens in family run businesses. I’ve been in business for 34 years and I’ve seen many many businesses that went ok because the boss was good at the job but was a terrible manager. By what you are saying you grow the business whereas your brother was a corporate guy (limited responsibility/accountability).

He might be able to shift it to a management run system but I doubt it very much. The best solution for you is to hold your ground with your new business. Relationship with your family will be on a downwards spiral inevitably as the family one is bound to collapse, slowly (!) but most definitely.

Suhavoda −  !updateme

nocturnal_prince −  When I read posts like these I sincerely hope that the OP doesn’t budge to familial pressure and let themselves be walked all over, seeing them do what’s best for them gives me momentary relief.

1h8fulkat −  NTA – New company name “<last name plumbing” slogan “The best <last name in the business”

helloperoxide −  NTA. If only your father was as loyal as your colleagues going with you

jsz0 −  Sorry about your family man. I’m sure though that you will make your buissness a huge success and your ”brothers buissness” will probably go under within a year. That is all on your brother and father though. I wish you all the luck in the world both privately and professionaly.

Was the user justified in leaving the family business to start his own after being overlooked for ownership? Did his father’s decision reflect fairness, or was it a result of misplaced guilt? Share your thoughts on family dynamics in business and whether the user made the right call!