AITA for cooking food while my roommate’s girlfriend was here & offering her some

A Reddit user shared a story about cooking a meal while his roommate’s girlfriend was visiting and offering her some food, a gesture that unexpectedly caused tension. The roommate became upset, perceiving it as overstepping boundaries, especially when the user addressed his girlfriend with Southern terms of endearment like “ma’am” and “dear.”

After reflecting on the situation and seeing a different side of his roommate, the user decided to step back and focus on maintaining a respectful and hospitable environment. Curious to learn how the situation unfolded? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for cooking food while my roommate’s girlfriend was here & offering her some’

A lot of people wanted an update I wanted to see my roommate in a more positive light. I tend to try to see the best in people but reading the replies and his recent actions have opened my eyes. I never took him too seriously because he’s a pretty harmless little guy in my perspective.

There is a big difference in how he lashes out at me compared to his gf. He’s gotten big tough with me in text form but only mildly upset when I see him in person. I have taken a step back and looked at anything I could have done to provoke him(not excusing his behavior) And while I don’t believe I am in the wrong for being hospital and hosting a guest. If a 75 year old man we’re staying with us. I would treat him the same as I have treated his gf..

I do realize that he is not from the south. I was told by others in school that women outside the south don’t enjoy being called “ma’am.” however, I’ve never seen a lady get angry if I did call her ma’am up here.

I call women of all ages “dear” or “darling” and I could see how that could be seen as flirtatious even though it’s just part of how I speak. Now that he knows I have seen him in his “true form” he doesn’t even try to act the way he did before. I sent his gf screenshots of the texts he’s sent and told her the things he’s said.

I’m not sure if she is leaving or staying but I’ve let her know and told her to let me know if she needs any help. I don’t plan on moving any time soon as I enjoy having room for a grill and smoker and a garage. He told me he’s looking for new places to live and will potentially go back to his parents.

I make enough working at a restaurant to afford the rent alone. I would like more going into savings but I’m not worried financially for the time being.. I am flattered and o**rwhelmed by all the positive replies. Bout a hundred of you told me to thank my mom so I sure will. I grew up working in hospitality with my mom and siblings.

My dad is the one that instilled respect into me. He never felt emasculated even when my mom’s business ended up making more than he does. They just save their money from their jobs and go on vacation a lot. Thank you for all the kindness and offers for adoption/jobs/relationships/friendships lol.

A lot of people wanting gumbo & chicken recipes. Too much to type out but I use curry powder in a lot of things to give it some good flavor(that’s how my mom does it). White pepper is essential for that good good fried chicken flavor. ​. ​. ​. ​. 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

melyndru −  NTA. You are raising a bar he doesn’t want raised by getting things done. He wants to pretend he is a better partner than he is. He also doesn’t want you to highlight things he isn’t interested in doing. In a way, you are unintentionally showing that he isn’t the best partner material around. Keep doing as you are. He is being ridiculous.

edit: Thank you kind people for the awards, I’m floored and appreciative of all of you. Thank you so much!

Mentalcomposer −  So he’s okay with you feeding him, but has a problem when you offer to feed his gf who just happens to be in the house. It’s not like you only cook when she’s there. Why? Is he afraid you’re gonna steal her with food? Is he afraid she’s only hanging out with him because you feed her?

Ask roomie what the problem is. And then stop doing what he doesn’t like. If that means not feeding her, then stop feeding him too. You sound like a great roomie. You mow and offered to wash their cars? Who does that? You’re like southern hospitality on steroids.

sephyir −  Lol, NTA, if another guy mowing the lawn and cooking is enough to make him insecure, he’s probably not doing anything useful himself.

mizfit0416 −  NTA – From South Louisiana here. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were being polite. Your roommate is incredibly insecure.

Ok_Expression7723 −  NTA. Your roommate is just wildly insecure. You did nothing wrong. You sound like a gracious host, and a very generous person.

sbinjax −  NTA. If your roommate is so pissed about hearing his gf talk about how great your food is, why doesn’t he learn to cook? And what is his problem with you sharing food, which is something you’ve always done? I have to admit, though, the “no I wanna mow” thing made me laugh. What a manly man.

Danternas −  NTA.. Your roommate is a jellybean.

[Reddit User] −  I do feel sorry for your roomie, living with Mr Steal Your Girl, but NTA. Dude needs to get his jealousy under control and/or ask you for lessons in cooking, mowing, charming, and being hospitable.

Grand-Corner1030 −  NTA. I have a friend who is a great cook. I liked taking my GF to visit him, we’d spend the rest of the night talking about great food. People like you are awesome to know. If he’s got a problem, that’s his issues.

DamianaSwan −  NTA; your roommate is wildly insecure, is realizing that he isn’t living up to your good example, and is terrified that his gf is noticing that. In his mind, the only logical solution is to… be mad at you for it.

He might be at a place where he could start changing his behavior permanently, to follow your example, so it might be worthwhile to check in with him (when his gf isn’t around) to see if he wants to split the chores more equitably, and possibly even learn to cook, if you’re willing to teach him by having him “help” when you’re making something.

Was the user simply being hospitable, or did he unknowingly cross a boundary by offering food and using Southern terms of endearment? How would you handle living with someone who misinterprets friendly gestures? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!