AITA For Making A “Pregnancy Jar”?

The user and her husband are struggling with infertility and constant pressure from family and friends about having children. In an attempt to cope with the invasive questions, she created a “Pregnancy Jar” and started asking people to pay a dollar whenever they asked about her plans for children.

This led to an awkward dinner at her parents’ house, where her brother was embarrassed by the request. Afterward, her mother and sister criticized her, calling her actions childish. Now, the user is unsure whether she crossed a line.

‘ AITA For Making A “Pregnancy Jar”?’

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Still don’t have kids (we want them but it still not happening). Friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it’s obviously something we can’t control. We only wished that they’d stop but to no avail.

So what I did was come up with idea (stupid I know) and that is have an empty jar and call it “Pregnancy Jar”. I carry it with me in my bag whenever I’m with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and I are gonna have a baby, I pull my Jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking.

I’d get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. It actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. Last week we had dinner at my parents house, My brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid.

My husband paused, I got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if I was being serious. Everyone was looking at us.

He said no, he didn’t have to pay me but I told him he didn’t have to ask either so here we are!. I could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. I made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. It got awkward afterward.

Mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that I embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said I should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, I told her they should quit asking then.

She went on about how they’re just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don’t have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. I got upset and she started arguing. My husband and I left and we haven’t seen them in days, except I got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying I’m being childish.. So AITA for this?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Gold-Somewhere1770 −  NTA. How creative! “I don’t have to pay you.” “Yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are”. Love it.

Tical79 −  NTA Furthermore, OP, I will be stealing this idea for both myself and anyone I ever advise on the issue.. IT.IS.BRILLIANT. It is because it does exactly what happened: it brings the absurdity of the question (and by extension the questioner) to an even more absurd plane.

You have figured out how to “outcrazy’ people that ask without looking crazy yourself. Bravo and I regret I have ~~not~~ but one upvote to give.

idngkrn −  NTA mom owes the jar a dollar. People need to quit asking people when/if they are having a kid or having another kid. If they want a kid, they are probably struggling with fertility, working through that process, and it’s difficult enough without people asking.. If they dont, that’s fine too.

lolopiecho −  NTA. I make it awkward. “Oh dear. Maybe we are doing it right. What positions do you recommend that really *make it work?*” “Honey, do you think you should go deeper when we try to make a baby?” You get the point lol man do they shut up after that. Its amazing.

toofat2serve −  NTA Not only NTA, but a beautiful way to make a point that words apparently don’t. And you can use it to get yourself a spite snack!

No_Secret8533 −  NTA, and I’m gonna say your mom ought to drop at least a ten in there for her lecture!

Adpiava −  Is anyone else impressed that her family and friends have a dollar in cash on them? I’d be like “do you take credit or can I Venmo it to you?”. Nta of course

HezzeroftheWezzer −  NTA. This is BRILLIANT! At age 21, I married my husband in 1997. In his family of eight children, if you were married, you were starting a family.
We went through years and years and years of enduring the question of “When are you having kids?” When are you going to start a family?”, etc.

What they didn’t know what that I had PCOS and couldn’t get pregnant. And frankly, I wasn’t interested in sharing it with them. At age 39, after 19 years of marriage, we were shocked to learn that I was pregnant. Three days after turning 40, I had my son.

A year later at a wedding of one of his niece’s, I was talking with a different niece with my son on my lap, and mentioned at our table (where most everyone could hear) how painful it was to be asked over and over again when we were having children, knowing I couldn’t get pregnant.

There were a lot of people who looked down at their plates and played with their food for a few minutes after that. But it needs to be more clear: Other people’s reproductivity \[or plans for or to\] is NOBODY’s BUSINESS and should not be asked about.

guessmyageidareyou −  NTA. You asked them to stop. As someone with fertility issues, this is a VERY sensitive topic. Anytime someone asked me about having kids I’d always burst into tears. It’s not ok to keep hounding people about babies. Your pregnancy jar sounds funny! It’s like a swear jar but for nosy baby questions.

Fullerhouse2016 −  NTFA!!!!! If they want you to have a baby so bad, they can pay for it 🤣 not only that but WHO F**KING ASKS THAT?? Knowing you’re having trouble??? Id put a big label on it and in sharpie write “THE RUDE AND STUPID FUCKIN QUESTION JAR”. Put that s**t on the table where everyone in the room can see it. Then up the ante to $10 🤷🏼‍♀️