UPDATE: AITA for donating my deceased daughters college fund instead of giving it to my husbands daughter?

A Reddit user provided an update on their situation following the tragic death of their daughter. After facing pressure from her husband and stepdaughter to use the deceased daughter’s college fund for the stepdaughter’s house, the user made the difficult decision to leave her husband.

She took steps to ensure the fund remained protected and has been staying with her sister while considering ways to honor her daughter’s memory, such as starting a scholarship. To learn more about how the situation has unfolded, read the full update below…

‘ UPDATE: AITA for donating my deceased daughters college fund instead of giving it to my husbands daughter?’

I’ve received a lot of messages asking for an update, so I wanted to provide one. Since the last time I posted, I made the decision to leave my husband. After everything that happened, he told me I couldn’t do what I wanted with my daughter’s college fund, and that really didn’t sit right with me.

I decided to take my name off the account, making sure that my ex-husband was the only one listed as the account holder, just in case my soon-to-be ex-husband tried to claim that money during our divorce. After I left, my daughter’s father and I took a trip to her favorite town.

It was a very emotional experience, but we went to her favorite spot and scattered her ashes there, as that was a place she had always loved. It felt like the right way to honor her memory. Currently, I’ve been staying with my sister while I look for an apartment to move into.

It’s been a difficult time, but I’m making progress in finding a place that feels like my own. As for the college fund, my ex-husband and I have discussed different ways to honor our daughter’s legacy. We’re thinking about starting a scholarship in her name, or using the funds to help pay for a student’s tuition,

but we haven’t decided on the exact details yet. We want to make sure whatever we do reflects her spirit and the things she valued. That’s where I am now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this process. It’s been incredibly tough, but I feel like I’m starting to move forward.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

jeffsang −  I’m so sorry to hear that after losing your daughter so tragically, that your marriage has ended as well. But probably for the best if he was unable to support you on this. I hope the rest of 2020 brings you better fortune.

[Reddit User] −  I am just so in love with the fact that you and your ex husband can come together in a time like this. I am so sorry for your loss and I truly hope that whatever you and your ex husband choose to do with the money brings each of you peace and helps your daughter rest. Sending good vibes your way and keeping you in my thoughts.

Suedeltica −  I think a scholarship or tuition support is a beautiful way to honor your daughter. I’m so sorry your soon-to-be ex decided to be absolutely h**eous about this.

International-Aside −  I guess its better to know how your soon-to-be ex is now rather than devote any more time to him but it sucks it came to this. I wish you luck and strength with your future endeavors, and last but not least, sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Eat_Around_the_Rosie −  I’m sorry it took this incident to show his true colors. I hope you and your first ex will all heal.

customerservicevoice −  WOW. I remember this story and this is just not the ending I thought would happen. Your husband and step-daughter were really willing to make you so upset over MONEY THAT WASN’T EVEN THEIRS? How dare they. You are strong as s**t for sticking to your beliefs about this, at the cost of your marriage.

In hindsight, it’s probably best you’re not with someone who doesn’t support your morals. It’s one thing to have differing morals and be respectful about it, but to demand you change your beliefs to accommodate someone else’s (your step daughter whom isn’t even your blood) is just so… jerky.. I hope you’re at peace.

vodka_philosophy −  I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with their selfishness on top of coping with your loss. I think you made the right decision and will be happier without them in your life.

bmoreskyandsea −  Thank you for the update. I can’t even imagine what conversation and mental gymnastics that would result in your current (soon to be ex) husband think he was entitled to tell you what to do with that fund. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and protecting yourself and your daughter’s funds. I hope you find peace.

Mirianda666 −  I’m so sorry that your husband turned out to feel entitled to tell you what to do with your daughter’s college fund. I’m sorry that he couldn’t see how wrong it was for him to argue on his 30 year old daughter’s behalf that SHE deserved the money that you saved for your daughter.

I thought your idea of honoring your daughter with a scholarship or tuition assistance to be a wondeful memorial. I’m truly sorry that you had to suffer her loss and then had to deal with this awfulness. Hoping the best for you.

raspberry-squirrel −  I’m sorry it turned out like this. As for what to do with the money, endowing a scholarship (say, $1000 per year?) in your child’s name at a university would mean that her legacy continues for a long time. You would get to meet the chosen person every year and see your daughter be honored through them.