My (35M) mother’s (58M) new fiance wants me to call him ‘dad’. He’s 24. How do I navigate this?

A man (35M) is grappling with an awkward situation involving his mom (mid-40s) and her fiancé, Phil (mid-40s), who recently asked him to start calling him “Dad.” This request came as a surprise, as Phil is only 10 years older than him, and the man feels uncomfortable with the idea of replacing his late father.

Despite Phil’s emotional appeal and his mom’s support, the man is uncertain how to navigate the situation without causing tension in the family. He’s seeking advice on how to express his feelings while maintaining harmony.

‘ My (35M) mother’s (58M) new fiance wants me to call him ‘dad’. He’s 24. How do I navigate this?’

I’m a 35-year-old man, and I’ve been dealing with a rather strange and uncomfortable situation involving my mom and her fiancé, “Phil.” To give some context, my dad passed away when I was 19. After a while, my mom started dating again, and while at first it felt strange, we eventually got used to it.

She’s been very open about her desire to get remarried, and we’ve always been supportive of her choices, even if they were a bit shocking at first. The men she dated gradually got younger, but it didn’t bother me. The latest guy, Phil, has been in the picture since last June.

They’ve been very happy together, and he proposed a few months ago. He’s a nice guy, and we all agreed he seemed genuine. Recently, my mom and Phil have been planning their wedding for next summer, and this weekend, Phil called me and asked me to come over to his place.

I assumed it was because he needed help with some DIY project, as he often asks for little things around the house, and we have a friendly relationship. When I arrived, he greeted me with his usual nicknames like “Sport” and “Kid” (he calls my brother and me those names, and even tried calling my sister “Princess” once,

though she didn’t like it). However, this time, it seemed like Phil was more serious than usual. He told me we needed to talk man-to-man, which immediately set off some alarms in my head, and I was a little confused. When I asked where my mom was, he told me she wasn’t home and that he needed to talk to me alone.

I thought this was odd but went along with it. That’s when he dropped the bombshell. He started talking about how he’s always wanted to be a father and how he wanted to raise a son of his own. Then, in the most serious tone imaginable, he said: “Now I know I can never replace your father, the man who made you, but it would mean the world to me if you could call me dad.”

I’m not going to lie, I snickered a little at first, because I thought he was joking. But then I saw how serious he was, and it was clear he wasn’t messing around. He was getting emotional, talking about how important it was to him to be a father and how he wanted me and my siblings to be part of his family.

He said he would never replace my real dad, but he was ready to step up and be a father figure to me. He even started talking about things we could do together, like going camping or to a baseball game (which I don’t even enjoy, by the way).

I was completely taken aback. I’m 10 years older than this guy, and I’m living independently from him. I don’t need someone to provide for me, and even if I did, I don’t think a guy who works part-time at a hardware store and collects manga is the person to do it. It just felt so surreal.

I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just said, “Okay,” trying to ease the situation. But Phil got even more emotional, saying how excited he was that I was willing to accept him into my life and how he saw us bonding as a family. At that point, I felt like the conversation had gone way past anything I could handle.

I told him it was getting a little too weird, and that I was going to head home. He seemed hurt, but I left anyway, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I called my brother, who agreed that this situation was strange, and we both laughed at how bizarre it all sounded.

Later, my mom called me and said that Phil was really upset, and she was disappointed in how I handled it. She explained that Phil saw this as his way of proving to himself that he was a man — that by taking responsibility for us, he could fulfill his purpose in life.

My mom admitted that it was a little odd, but said that this was how Phil needed to express his desire to be a father. She even let slip that they were thinking about trying IVF, as my mom wasn’t ready to give up on having children yet. This was a lot for me to process, and while I tried to be understanding, I couldn’t deny that the whole situation felt off to me.

After some thought, I realized that I can’t call Phil “Dad.” I already had a father, and I don’t feel the need to replace him with someone who’s so much younger than me and has a very different life. It’s not that I don’t like Phil — I do, and he seems like a genuinely good person — but I can’t accept him in the way he wants me to.

Now, I’m stuck in this difficult spot where I want to make it clear to my mom and Phil that I don’t feel comfortable calling him “Dad,” but I don’t want to upset my mom or cause tension in our family, especially since we’re all still close. I don’t know how to express my feelings in a way that minimizes the damage to our relationship.

I don’t want to rip the band-aid off too quickly, but I also can’t pretend that everything is fine when it clearly isn’t. How can I tell them that I think this situation is weird and borderline offensive without causing a rift in our family?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

SandalsResort −  “You can call me dad.”. “Uhhh…YOU can call me sir”

MariposaFantastique −  I think both he and your mother have some serious delusions going on.

SGTPepper1008 −  If it’s so important to his personal identity to find a girl, have kids with her, and raise them as their dad, it seems like marrying a 58 year old woman with adult children significantly older than himself is a pretty ineffective way to achieve those life goals. If it’s so important to him,

he should find someone his own age and make that happen the normal way. It’s not your responsibility to make your mom’s boy toy feel like a man. You’re closer to being his much older brother than his son. Weird.

HatsAndTopcoats −  “Mom, I love you and I’ll support whatever relationship makes you happy. But I’m not going to participate in a weird charade where I’m a child getting a new stepfather. That’s not a reasonable thing to ask of me and I hope you and Phil can understand that.”

gothceltic −  start calling him daddy and see how that goes lol he’s a weirdo

HermitBee −  “I’m not going to call you that, because I feel it would be too disrespectful to my dad, who died when I was 19 and you were 8”

kemikica −  I’d just be loudly laughing the whole time and wiping my tears from laughter. There’s nothing you can do NOT to offend a 24 year old man who wants a 35 year old man to call him “dad”. He’s gonna be offended, no matter what.

Shut that s**t down, have him call you by your first name (or any nickname you go by) EXCLUSIVELY and don’t worry about offending his feelings. He’ll get over it. He’s a big boy(toy). And, yeah, don’t get involved in the crazy-ass IVF thing at all. You wish them luck and that’s it.

[Reddit User] −  Your mother needs an intervention. You need to tell her child groom to f**k off.

Puzzled-Safe4801 −  You’re 35, so your mom is at least in her early 50s, right? And she’s going to marry a 24 year old? And she’s going to go through fertility treatments? Do I have this right? I wouldn’t be laughing this off if I were you or any of your siblings.

Something is very wrong with this 24 year old. Do you or your siblings have children? If so, keep them away from this guy. Also, your mother’s immaturity regarding this fiancé and doing anything to make him happy….stay away.

Rabt_FTS −  If the genders were reversed we’d be calling your mom a predator so I’m just gonna put it out there. This is pretty wildly inappropriate. He clearly has some issue he’s projecting onto your mother and she should be dating someone her own age.

Do you think the man should accept Phil’s request for the sake of family harmony, or is it reasonable for him to draw a boundary? How would you handle a situation where a family member’s request feels too much or out of place? Share your thoughts below!