UPDATE: My girlfriend tried to push me off a cliff as a “joke”

A man decided to break up with his girlfriend after reflecting on her troubling behavior, including dangerous “jokes” and sadistic actions. As he prepares for a safe breakup, he seeks advice on how to handle the situation without provoking retaliation, given her history of reckless and harmful behavior.

‘ UPDATE: My girlfriend tried to push me off a cliff as a “joke”‘

I’ve been thinking a lot and I decided that I’m ending my relationship with her. This isn’t easy for me. It’s hard because I’ve been with her for almost two years, but it’s even harder because now I feel a ton of guilt myself as I remembered things that I ignored, and how I was only worried about her after I became the victim. I mentioned that point in the other thread, but I feel even worse about it now.

I know I was stubborn in the last thread but I listened to everyone’s advice very carefully. You all helped so much. When people brought up the sadism aspect, it sort of clicked. I don’t know if it was stupidity or selfishness, but I didn’t think of her that way until this week. I just ignored everything she did.

I thought about some memories using this new perspective. I remember early this year her dad got her a job at the front desk at this apartment complex. It’s hard to explain this place because it was sort of a luxury place and most apartments aren’t like this, but I was there once or twice to pick her up and I remember what the building looked like.

There were a lot of older people living there and right near the entrance of the building there was an elevator which only went up. Then there was the main elevator which was kind of far down a long hallway. She had to call that first elevator down after the person was approved to go into the building.

One time me and her were smoking and just chilling talking about stuff. She was laughing to me about how she would sometimes disable the up elevator and pretend it was out of order, and then she’d watch these older/handicapped people walk down this long hallway to get to the main elevator.

She got fired pretty quickly anyway because she activated the fire alarm when there was no fire. When they asked her what happened she pretended that the computer was glitching and she couldn’t stop it, but they believed she did it on purpose so they fired her. I’m sure some people could have been injured during the chaos.

I guess the alarm must have disabled the elevators so everyone had to grab their stuff and run down the stairs as quickly as possible. I can imagine all these elderly people going down so many flights of stairs. I don’t think anyone was injured but they did fire her and maybe they’re still investigating.

I don’t know if it could help, but I’m gonna call that place and tell them what she told me and how she admitted to pulling the alarm on purpose. That will help my conscience out a lot.

Like I said, I feel terrible about ignoring this stuff. You might think I’m an i**ot or a terrible person myself. I don’t know what to say but when I really thought about this stuff, I decided I couldn’t be with her. I know people will criticize me and that’s fine.

This is an update but also a confession tbh because I have to get that off my chest. And there’s a bunch of other stories too that she told me or that I saw myself. I enjoyed her craziness tbh even though I was always on edge but I thought of it as her being fun and spontaneous instead of sadistic. I guess I’m pretty weird myself.

I responded to her texts this morning because she was starting to get angry and was sending a lot more texts. I told her I was really sick and thought she shouldn’t be near me, but that we might be able to hang out again in a week or two. I said I wasn’t mad at her anymore and I just didn’t respond because I was sick.

I just told her that to get her off my back and to give myself time to prepare for the break up because I don’t know how she’s gonna react and I want to be safe.

For example she has keys to my house and I’m living with other people including kids so I want to change the locks and make sure we’re not tied together in any other ways before I do an official breakup. Do you think that’s a smart idea? I could use any advice on the best way to do a breakup in this situation because I’m kind of worried. Once again, thanks so much for all your advice last time and have a good day.

Check out how the community responded:

greyz3n −  I think that this girl is ACTUALLY crazy and you should do what you can to protect yourself. She sounds like a n**cissist or s**iopath

thebabes2 −  \ For example she has keys to my house and I’m living with other people including kids so I want to change the locks and make sure we’re not tied together in any other ways before I do an official breakup.

Definitely do this. 100%. If you’re renting, notify your landlord. If you own the property, we paid to have our house rekeyed when we bought it and I think it cost us $150.

She sounds crazy, so definitely get your ducks in a row before you drop the hammer. Tell your roommates about what’s going on, at least to the point that you’re breaking up and she’s no longer allowed around the apartment. If she gets crazy over text, save copies.

Definitely never be alone with her again. I’d recommend not even seeing her in person unless it’s absolutely necessary. No shame in breaking up with her over the phone if you think she’ll be unpredictable or violent. Also freeze your credit reports in case she knows your information.

ambientnoise_ −  This girl tried to kill you and you’re ASKING if you need to change the locks?? Come on, dude.

Ethnafia_125 −  Absolutely change your locks. Your soon to be ex is a very dangerous person. You need to do everything you can to be safe and protect yourself. Be supremely cautious in the next couple weeks while you prepare your exit strategy. If she texts, answer her as you normally would. Try to keep her from becoming suspicious. It was very smart to give yourself those couple of weeks.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, but call the domestic abuse hotline. Tell them your story. I think it will be very eye opening for you. They will also have ideas and resources they can point you to to help keep you safe.

Finally, don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s easy to put blinkers on when it comes to the people we love. I can guarantee you that your girl manipulated you and trickle dropped her crazy. What I mean by that, is that I’m sure she only shared the smallest portion of her actions and tried to mask them behind laughter and jokes.

Your lack of reaction can also be a protective response. From what you’ve said in your posts, you’ve always been on guard around her. That’s exhausting on many levels, and could lead to you just being relieved that you weren’t on the receiving end of her sadism.

You spent so much time around her, with such high level of alertness and with so much adrenalin flowing, that there would be a moment of pure relief when she was cruel to someone else. It wasn’t you, so you were OK. It’s not the nicest reaction, but when you’re in that kind of situation, it’s the one that your brain goes into to protect yourself.

I think if you look back on your time with her, you’ll probably find other moments where you were distinctly unsafe around her. It just so happens that you had your eyes sharply opened to what was really happening.

All that being said, be careful going forward and please call the National Domestic Violence hotline. The number is 1-800-799-7233. Or there’s one specifically geared towards men if you prefer. The number for that one is 1-888-743-5754. It really will help. Be safe.

throwra-knowledge −  Well I’m a little nervous but part of me is happy that I’m doing this. I feel bad about all this stuff, not just the stuff that she did to me but also the stuff I mentioned in the comments of the other thread. But I guess I can only do better in the future. I think I’m gonna be fine actually.

Walkemdowndonut −  If you’re afraid she’ll come to your house, a protection order is needed!!!

cactuskirby −  It sounds like you yourself have some issues that you seriously need to work through as a single person and not just a “haha I’m weird I guess” kind of way but take a real, honest look at yourself and what you want out of a partner and what morality looks like to you?

Like you said multiple times you thought it was a “good crazy” and things were always fun with you guys but did you really laugh with her when she told you of all the ways she hurt people and fucked with things? And you didn’t think twice about any of those things because it wasn’t *you* who was being harmed?

You’re getting out of an extremely toxic relationship that kept you on edge at all times, and in that adrenaline you found this excitement that bonded you to this woman and all her toxicity. If you don’t work through this experience you *will* end up in a similar place next relationship you have and so the cycle will continue.

I highly highly recommend therapy or something similar after all is said and done. Chasing “crazy” is dangerous and self destructive. Learn from this.

CuckooPint −  She sounds like she’s a psychopath. I’m not exaggerating there, I mean literally it sounds like she’s mentally psychopathic. Her lack of empathy, spontaneous actions for amusement and complete inability to foresee danger or consequence kind of points towards being an actual psychopath. Like, I realise you aren’t and should not have to be in any way responsible for her anymore, but she needs to see a therapist.

helloiseeyou2020 −  Change the locks. Get an alarm system. Find out if youre a single psrty consent state for audio recording. If you are, hide a voice activated recorder in the room for the breakup. Make sure you know how the thing works because you only get one shot

I would advise a roommate or trusted friend to be in the house when you d**p her, but dont tell her thst. You NEED a wtiness because it’s gonna be a shitstorm. A precautionary call to the police non emergency line that youre going to break up with your crazy gf (with some quick context on the cliff incident, the fire alarm prank, the highway near-crash) and dont feel safe would be a good idea.

They might be able to have an officer in the area. If nothing else it will set a precedent as those calls are logged and they wont be surprised to receive a 911 dispatch to your area if needed. If you have a garage, keep your car in it. If you dont i might recommend taking it to a cheap parkade for the day of the breakup

Warn friends and people at work of her unstable behavior and that youre going to break up with her. Save every text, facebook message, email, every time you have a conversation with her have it recorded in some way.

Call her old work and tell them the truth, for sure. Then initiate the breakup as planned the same day you snitch. I say all this because as rare as the issue is in general, this type of person has false accusation written all the f**k over her and you need to protect yourself.

Not just from physical violence but from the institutional violence she can bring to your doorstep by lying about you to the cops, or even just some orbiter friend of hers that wants her validation.

These are overstated issues by the manosphere as far as prevalence, but society absolutely has a lot of deeply terrifying ways for a woman to ruin a man’s life if she is truly without conscience.

Ive seen them used by people far less ridiculous than your gf, who *literally tried to push you off of a cliff* Or you could just make a police report for attempted m**der and watch her try to use “it was just a prank, bro” in court. She would likely evade jail but might be forced to undergo psychiatric assessment and treatment

tokenchild73 −  Locks should have already been changed. Please do so now. The way you describe this girl people might actually get hurt.

When leaving a toxic relationship, safety and planning are crucial. How would you approach breaking up with someone whose behavior might escalate? Share your advice and experiences below!