AITA for calling my SD out on Christmas Eve?
A Reddit user shared an argument with their significantly older partner (SD) on Christmas Eve. The user, who spent hours cooking and preparing for the holiday, asked for a day without TV to focus on spending time together and enjoying the music. However, after the dinner and taking Christmas photos, the SD turned the music off and switched the TV on, which upset the user.
Despite their request, the SD’s behavior seemed passive-aggressive, leading to an argument. The user feels their efforts were unappreciated and that the SD’s financial support should not exempt him from being considerate. Read the full story below for more context on this holiday dispute.
‘ AITA for calling my SD out on Christmas Eve?’
So I guess I would like to know if I’m over reacting. I have a SD who is significantly older than me I’m F25 and he is M51. We have a more traditional feel to a relationship then a sugar daddy sugar baby feel. Lately he’s been glued to the tv during football seasons which I normally respect but I asked for today to be no tv and to just be present with each other. I spent hours cooking dinner and I was really happy playing music, dancing around, and just enjoying the holidays.
After dinner I stepped into the bathroom and I hear him turn the music off and the tv on. I asked him not to because I wanted to listen to music not watch tv. I told him we would watch some Christmas movies after we took some pics by the tree. He gave me an attitude but the music was put back on. We started taking our pics by the tree and as soon as he took his last picture he gets up and turns the music off. I got really upset because the one day I ask for no tv he can’t do it.
The way he was behaving seemed very passive aggressive and he’s just a major buzz kill sometimes. I told him he’s irritating me with his behavior and he got all upset and locked himself in my bedroom. Later, We got into a whole blown out argument over this because he said he’s not gonna be told that he’s an asshole because he does so much from me.
I don’t believe any amount of money or favors done for someone would exempt you from being held accountable for your actions. My thing is he is the lonely one, if he was gonna be an asshole I could have went to my family’s house but I feel I was thoughtful and considered him and even made his fav dishes. Sorry this is lengthy I’m just so upset Christmas Eve is ruined.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
growsonwalls − but I asked for today to be no tv and to just be present with each other. Honey you don’t actually have a relationship. You have an arrangement. He pays for your s**t and he gets a hot young “gf” on his arm. But even if this were an actual relationship, you’re not his mom. If he wants to watch tv he can watch tv. YTA.
pnwwaterfallwoman − YTA, you knew what you were signing up for. He wants a cute young girl at his disposal, and you’re financially supported. He will eventually trade you in for a younger model because he isn’t looking for more than what it is. Move on if you want something more.
dowjess555 − Looking at your other posts, you went on your 2nd date ever 3 weeks ago. Honey that’s not a “traditional” relationship even if he wasn’t your sugar daddy and just some random guy you decided to date for a bit. And let’s just say you’ve been seeing him longer than a few weeks. If you don’t want money or favours to exempt your man from “being held accountable”, then enter a regular relationship, not one with a sugar daddy who sees you as paid company.. YTA.
rustyismylove − Be honest with yourself, do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this sugar daddy? At the end of the day, no matter how much you try to convince yourself this has a “more traditional feel to a relationship”, you’re both looking to gain something from this. You’re looking to gain financially and he is gaining companionship.
Re-evaluate your future right now. You are in a transaction right now, not a relationship. That is why he is trying to use how “he does so much for you” over your head. You’re young, use this time to enjoy spending time with your family, as they won’t be here forever. Not spending the holidays with someone who won’t be there forever (also how long has this even been going on?) Verdict: not enough information and hard to say there’s any AH when you’re trying to force a relationship when in reality it’s not.
NYDancer4444 − You’re pretty bossy. Why did you have to dictate every single moment? YTA.
Obvious_Huckleberry − YTA. He did your thing, he took the photos.. let the man enjoy his holiday the way he wants. If he’s your sugar daddy he must work hard and he is getting a day off. Let him enjoy it the way he wants. If you wanted him away from the TV.. I would have planned outdoor activities… or something away from the house.
Not everyone is super into the holidays. My husband of 17 years is definitely not into them.. he never wanted to decorate the tree.. or help wrap presents until the last couple of years.. but that’s it.. that is as far as the festive goes and he has his reasons for it. It’s fine.. This is also happening because of your age gap.
Specific_Anxiety_343 − YTA for having a sugar daddy. Learn to support yourself.
ParadiseForKeeps − YTA. You want to have a traditional relationship even an age gap relationship, go get one. But the SD/SB relationship is an “arrangement.” That means you can’t hold each other to normal bf/gf/partner expectations. Unless there’s more to it than this, if he’s not being a**sive or holding up to his end of your agreed arrangement, you need to let it go. If that means you leave him in your room, while you head over to a family or friend’s house, so be it.
wrestlingisfunguys − YTA. Look you understood the dynamic when entering this “relationship.” He isn’t your partner, he is your benefactor. If you want an equal relationship then get a real relationship.
Poperama74 − You sound like a total b**t. If you want to control someone try being with someone your own age instead of someone old enough to be your dad, whom in effect is financially supporting your lazy lifestyle.
Do you think the user was right to call out their partner for ignoring their request, or was the SD’s frustration understandable given the circumstances? How would you handle a situation where your partner disregards your wishes during a special occasion? Share your thoughts in the comments below!