How do I (28f) tell my husband (30m) that I am not a fan of his greasy ponytail without sounding like a j**k ?

A Reddit user (28F) shared her frustration with her husband (30M) regarding his long, greasy ponytail. While she loved his hair when it was clean and worn down, he doesn’t put in the effort to maintain it, and it often ends up in a greasy ponytail using her hair ties and scrunchies.

Despite trying to show him how to take better care of his hair, her hints haven’t worked. She’s concerned about how to express her feelings without hurting his pride, as she’s growing resentful of the lack of effort he’s putting into his appearance.

‘ How do I (28f) tell my husband (30m) that I am not a fan of his greasy ponytail without sounding like a j**k?’

When we were dating and for most of our marriage (4 years) he has had short hair. It wasn’t until covid that he started growing it out. Now, I actually like his long hair. I love it when he wears it down and it’s clean.

The problem is, he never wears it down and despite me trying to show him different things like conditioners and product and how to brush it, he’s never had long hair so he’s not used to the effort it takes to maintain. He doesn’t seem interested in learning, either.

He washes it with soap and sometimes goes days without washing it at all, so he transforms from Jason Momoa into Ed from 90 day fiancé really quickly. It’s always tied back into a greasy, stringy ponytail, and he wears it in a high pony which I hate because it makes him look like a cheerleader.

He also uses my bright pink scrunchies and bows when we are around the house because it’s convenient, and also because he thinks it’s funny, but I don’t find it attractive at all. I also don’t want to use my brush and my hair ties anymore after he does just because his hair is so n**ty. Imagine if Jojo siwa didn’t wash her hair for five days.

That’s what I’m married to. How do I go about this? I don’t really want to hurt his feelings, but the little hints I’ve been dropping like trying to show him how to take care of his hair have not been working. I’m starting to resent his total lack of effort into his appearance. It’s one thing to not comb your hair one day or just stay in your pajamas, but his hair is just straight up gross and I cannot take it anymore.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

GrotiusandPufendorf −  I guess you could just randomly d**p some shampoo on his head, which would force him to then go and rinse it out. Or, you know, you could just be direct. “Babe, I love you, but your hair is n**ty and it’s not attractive when you don’t wash it for a week and I’m going to have to burn all my hair ties.”

[Reddit User] −  Give me 20 bucks and I’ll tell him. I’ll call him a greasy meatball or something and give him the tough facts about proper hair maintenance. Tough love. It’ll work, don’t worry.

easy0lucky0free −  When my boyfriend was growing out his hair (to the point that he looked like Jim Henson by the end of Quarantine), we had a similar problem. I just straight up said “you need to use shampoo and conditioner, not soap. Soap will leave your hair full of residue.

Shampoo and conditioner will make it feel like mine.” And if his hair looks greasy, I was directly say “babe i think you should probably wash your hair”. I feel like if you have a level of intimacy that you’re married, you can be honest with him and be like “hey your hair is dirty, lets fix it” .

Once you’ve got him to properly clean it, then you can work on the styling. Maybe ask him to wear it down for sexy times? So he will associate that that hairstyle is something you really like and may be more motivated to try it out. You gotta be prepared for the possibility that he just prefers the high ponytail, though.

That could be his version of a woman’s messy bun and I’d roll my eyes so hard if my boyfriend told me he wanted me to stop wearing my messy buns when I’m just hanging out in sweats because it’s not attractive to him (this is separate from the hygiene thing of course).

If that’s the case, buy him his own brush and scrunchies, and present the scrunchies like a joke (“hey since you like mine so much, here are some that will go better with your hair color”) and try to find some good hearted humor in his look.

Naughtyexperiences −  Simply tell him. Be honest.

crockofpot −  Tell him it makes you not want to halik him anymore.

iliveonramen −  😂😂😂😂😂
From Momoa to Ed killed me. You are funny

playertd −  I mean you married the guy. Just talk to him and tell him what you told us. If you really can’t have an honest conversation with your husband, then we’ve got waaaaaay bigger problems than hair lol. Stop dropping hints, that’s like never going to work for anything.

zen_artists −  Buy him his own black elastics, his own brush, the shampoo and conditioner you think he should use etc. Put it in a gift bag from the dollar store for when you present it to him, make it fun. If he still doesn’t get it show him the pictures of hot hair down Aquaman vs. greasy ponytail neckbeard.

outline8668 −  Well you mention the Jason Momoa thing, why not work that angle? I’ve grown my hair out since COVID and have been doing that hairstyle and it’s exceedingly easy.

He doesn’t want to cut his hair so maybe try telling him about how styling it that way looks so sexy. And through that encourage him about shampoo and conditioner and some styling product.

fishmom5 −  You have two separate problems. One is hygiene/him not having his own stuff and the other is you not digging the look. The first is a completely okay and important thing to address. The latter is a matter of personal preference. The grease is an issue.

It, as many have noted, can lead to hair loss and skin problems, some of which can ruin linens and furniture. It’ll DEFINITELY make people judge him. As far as the ponytail part…I mean, you’ve worn them, haven’t you? There’s a reason. Long hair in the face all the time is irritating.

As much as you wouldn’t want him to tell you what to wear or how to cut your hair, it goes the same for him. You can give positive reinforcement when he wears it the way you like, but the choice is his. Health and wellness and social ostracism? Important to discuss. Don’t like a sartorial choice? That’s a different story.