UPDATE: I left and you can do it too!!

A Reddit user shares a triumphant update about leaving her 7-year marriage to a drug-addicted, neglectful husband. With the help of therapy and blunt advice from others, she confronted the harsh reality of her situation, prioritized her children’s safety, and executed a solid plan to leave. While the first week was emotionally tough, she now feels happier, freer, and hopeful for the future. She encourages others in similar situations to seek support, face the truth, and take steps toward freedom.

‘ UPDATE: I left and you can do it too!!’

And I am just so thankful for the insights I gained there. There was some blunt reality but it felt loving and it’s a big part of what made me realize I was fooling myself in thinking my husband would change or that his habits and behaviors wouldn’t negatively effect our kids.

I was encouraged to start seeing a therapist which I did. The first one I tried ended up being a beautiful fit which I regard as nothing less than a miracle. She was blunt and insightful and gave me the courage I needed to face my guilts and fears and put my kids first.

He’s an addict. That is a lifelong battle. And because of everything else he has put me through and let me do alone, I just do not have the love necessary to want to face that battle together with him forever.

It took me just under 3 months from feeling totally conflicted to conquering my doubts, making a plan, and getting the hell out. Making that plan was seriously my biggest obstacle. And I let it be, I think I used it as a crutch. Finally, I sat there for 2 hours and went through every possibility till it just clicked and I went “duh! That can totally work!” 5 days later I took all my stuff and the kids while he was at work.

Here is what I want to share with those who face similar situations: my therapist let me know as kindly as she could that although I did a great job of protecting my kids, there was no way I could guarantee 100% that they would always be safe there. And if they ever got into any of those drugs or were harmed because of them, my kids would also be taken away from me for staying in a home where I knew those dangers were present, for subjecting them to it.

That shattered my perception of control real fast. Because its true. We cannot watch every movement every minute. I just wanted to stand proudly and say that after 7 years of desperately clinging to any chance at happiness, equality, and a partnership, I was finally able to leave the man I have been in love with for 16 years. I truly believed with every fiber of my soul he was my one true love.

And I almost didn’t make it through the first week away…it was much more difficult than I expected having grown to hate him so much…it still hurt…but I did make it through and already I am so much happier, so much freer, my kids are more loved (he is finally giving them attention), and I can see hope for us all.

I made excuses for his behavior because I felt I could see the nuance of it all…But what others helped me realize is that some behavior needs no nuance to it. Some stuff is just fucked up no matter how you slice it.

So I just wanted to encourage anyone else who is in a similar situation, you might need to start talking more about your problems so that others can help you see how little control you have and how horrible it really is. Then put yourself first, don’t let them manipulate you back in, and get the hell out if you know in your heart you should.

TL;DR my husband is a lazy, selfish d**g addict who I could just never quite convince myself to leave. But I finally shared my struggles with others who helped me see the real problems and accept the solution: taking the kids and GTFO. Already we are so much better off ☺️

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ATinySnek −  Congrats on getting out of a toxic, unhealthy environment! How is your relationship with his family now that you’ve left? You said you were very close with your MIL

ChillWisdom −  I’m so glad you got out of there! When I left my husband after 10 years I couldn’t understand why I was sad. I didn’t love him, I didn’t want him back but I wanted to cry for some reason. I realized that I needed to grieve the loss of the relationship that I had worked so hard on. I needed to recognize the dissapointment I felt because all my dreams of growing old with my high school sweetheart were not going to come true.

I needed to forgive myself for my failed marriage because I was the only one in our marriage that was trying to make it work and one person can’t do it alone. After I went through all those emotions and had a good cry about it I was refreshed and ready to build a new, better life.

legalpothead −  Good on ya. It’s awful and terrible for a long time, and then eventually it gets better.

bohohobo −  Respect to you for leaving, OP. Just try to make sure that your husband’s newfound interest in the kids isn’t a ploy to try and get you back with him. After all they’ve been through, the last thing your kids need is to suddenly think daddy’s come around and started caring for them, only for him to disappear again once he realises you’re not coming back.

Unfortunately, even though you’re not together in the same house any more, you’re still going to have to protect them from him as an unstable, addictive personality in their lives. I’m sure you’re aware of all this (and obviously know him better than I do!), but as someone who grew up with a very m**ipulative parent-figure, that part made some alarm bells go off in my head. Just be cautious about fully embracing this change.

Whattheswanson −  some behavior needs no nuance to it. More people should hear this. Inexcusable things are inexcusable no matter the reasons. Untreated addiction & following a**ndonment of the family is inexcusable, no depression or childhood abuse (most commonly cited issues for addiction) is a justification for behavior like that. You’re a champ, OP. I am proud of you getting out of that hole.

7deadlyhens −  this is so good to hear! proud of ya for overcoming this!

lady-lilith −  Way to go girl. I am also in the process of leaving my boyfriend who is an addict, who I’ve been with for 7 years. I understand how hard it is. And how hard it’s been to carry the weight of everything on your shoulders. But it is so freeing to be done. I am never trapping myself into that kind of relationship ever again.

We have a baby together who is my #1 priority. I appreciated the reminder about your child being taken away if you knowingly subject them to living in a house where there’s drugs. That’s a really important reality check.

elliecalifornia −  I’m so glad you were able to find the strength and get out safely and your children safely. I’m glad you have such a strong support system around you. You did it and every time you feel tempted to go back just keep reminding yourself how far you have come. Were you able to maintain a relationship with his family? Were you able to retain your job?

kimchi_Queen −  Congratufuckyoulations!! I bet you didn’t know how strong you were until Reddit and your therapist told you you have been all along. You know you did the right thing. He will probably be trying to get back with you.

Always move forward, not background. He had his chance for YEARS. Don’t let the incredibley enabling (so so harmful) MIL guilt you for this brave, right, and difficult situation. Out of curiosity, what kind of job can he hold with being such an addict?

[Reddit User] −  This is one of the best updates I’ve seen! I’m ten years removed from that situation, and happily married to a partner who is fantastic. I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Breaking free from a toxic environment takes immense courage, but it’s a path to healing and hope. Have you ever taken a leap like this or supported someone who has? Share your stories and thoughts below!