(UPDATE) My [23F] boyfriend [29M] keeps making my depression about him and it only makes me feel more hopeless.

A Reddit user shared an update on their relationship, where their boyfriend consistently made their depression about him, blaming them for affecting his mood. Despite attempts to take a break, the relationship ultimately ended. Since the breakup, the user has noticed a significant improvement in their mental health,

feeling less stressed and more at peace without the constant pressure from their boyfriend. The user is now focused on dealing with their depression without the added burden of a relationship that wasn’t supportive.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/pXUGa

‘ (UPDATE) My [23F] boyfriend [29M] keeps making my depression about him and it only makes me feel more hopeless.’

Not sure anyone would care for an update, but I figured I’d make one anyways. After my post, things kept going as they were. He kept making my depression about him, not really listening to me or empathizing with my feelings. I just got a little too o**rwhelmed by him.

He started to blame me for my feelings “affecting” him so negatively. He was upset that my depression was making *him* bummed out. I started going in to a downward spiral of depression.

The long story short is that we broke up about a month ago. It started off as a “break” so I could just deal with it on my own without “affecting” him, but now it is permanent. Anyways… About two days after the break started, I immediately started noticing I wasn’t feeling as depressed anymore.

I know the depression will always come back in swings, but at least I don’t have to deal with him digging in the way he was. He’s upset that we won’t be getting back together but I feel infinitely less stressed.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

DFahnz −  About two days after the break started, I immediately started noticing I wasn’t feeling as depressed anymore. Funny how that happens when you get away from someone who is toxic FOR YOU. Stay the course, and be proud of yourself. You’ve got this. (edit because apparently I wasn’t 100% clear. Sorry about that.)

Jaime_Ecouter −  “Before diagnosing yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first ensure that you are not, in fact, merely surrounded by assholes.” – Debi Hope
Glad you’re doing better, OP! Thanks for the update. Here’s to a stronger life and a happier time for you.

zinn7 −  I’m so glad to read this! Some people take years to get out of situations like this, because they’re more destructive than they realize. Good for you for taking a break and for realizing it made you happier and doing what had to be done.

LobotomyxGirl −  This is a happy update. Now you can focus on taking care of yourself without him sucking the energy out of you.

FuckingBrieflyHonest −  Happy updates are good updates.. You keep doing you.

mariecrystie −  My stomach knotted up reading this. My ex was notorious for pushing me further down by making me feel guilty about something I couldn’t help. He would get all dramatic and it would make my head spin. Small spat’s or down feeling days would led to back and forth bs about how it’s all about him.

My heart would race, head throb. I would be so confused that I didn’t even trust my own feelings. It was awful. I would tell him to please just try to be supportive and not think it’s him, that I couldn’t cope with trying to console him, to no avail at that, over nonexistent issues while dealing with my own stuff.

I look back and so regret the years I was with him. We broke up once and I told him I could no longer deal with the above things. He agreed to change it. However, it didn’t change it only manifested differently. Still miserable. I finally just stopped caring. I ran out of fucks to give.

He would go as far as telling me everyone is better off without him and he’s good for nobody. He would make me think he’s going to kill himself. He never said it directly but just hint around. He would carry on for days and I remember how angry I got when someone would call or come over and he snaps back to normal.

He tried the whole ‘I’m gonna off myself’ s**t when we split. I said that I’d call the police and his parents and hung up. He frantically called back to stop me. Lol.

noodles4brainz −  I just did the same with my boyfriend! Good for you!

loveeatingfood −  There will always be someone who will like an update. He’ll, I didn’t see your original post but I’m really happy for you to see this follow up one. If you feel like sharing, do it. On Reddit, you’ll most likely find someone who’ll read you and reply back.

KMACoolCoolNoDoubt −  I just read your original post – it’s exactly the situation I am in. It’s difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced depression themselves, or who has never had anyone close to them go through it, how it really isn’t about them. Good on you for making yourself a priority. I hope I can do the same.

Breadandbuttersworth −  I’m glad to see this worked out. Going forward I think it would be a good thing to remember that balancing a relationship with your mental health is going to be tricky at times, as you’ve said in previous comments that you were diagnosed years ago meaning you were depressed before your ex.

Relationships are a new challenge when dealing with depression but one I want you to know that when met with great persistence and understanding from both sides is something that can work. My greatest piece of advice for when the time comes is to know yourself,

know your limits and remember that your life isn’t just your life anymore, you’re sharing it with someone else so you must take their thoughts and feelings into consideration and yes, that means sometimes they come before your depressive episodes.

Source: have experienced a lot of anxiety/depression and just want to save you some struggle. Much love