AITA for refusing responsibility to dress toddler according to MIL preferences?

A mother (likely in her 30s) who is the default parent for her 2-year-old toddler is frustrated after her husband asked her to dress their child in blue or green to appease his mother’s dislike of red. The mother is already carrying the bulk of the parenting mental load, including handling the morning routine and dressing their child every day.

Despite her gratitude for her in-laws helping with childcare, she feels overwhelmed by the growing list of demands and said no to this specific request. Now, she wonders if she’s being unreasonable for refusing.

‘ AITA for refusing responsibility to dress toddler according to MIL preferences?’

In our household (2 yo toddler, both working full time) I am the default parent and main mental load bearer. My husband does the laundry and has some other responsiilities but I am the one doing the big ones. His parents help us out a lot which I am super grateful for. I had severe post partum anxiety (neurodivergent and a history of GAD) and got panic attacks when our LO was 6 months and she was a very demanding baby.

I am also just learning how to set boundaries better and ask for help, which I have been very bad at previously. Now to the question: His mother hates the colour red (for whatever reason). I am already avoiding any red clothing or toy items for our child as well as for myself. Next week the daycare is closed due to the holidays and my inlaws will look after our LO which, again, I am super grateful for.

Now this morning, after doing morning routine, making coffee and breakfast for everyone, getting our toddler dressed and ready to take her to daycare (which I do EVERY DAY. We just recently installed the rule that he also gets up and helps me with it, prior he slept in every morning since she was born and in 26 months I have not been the one to get up on exactly FIVE occasions).

He suddenly asks that I next week, when our LO goes to his parents instead of daycare, take care that I dress her in blue and green only and avoid and hues or shades of anything red as his mother doesn´t like it. I refused and said that I was not willing to add the shade of red as something to keep in mind on top of everything else. I know it is a simple request and I could easily do it, but I am just so fed up with the ever growing demands that I feel like simply saying NO and STOP this is ENOUGH. AITA for this?

Check out how the community responded:

ImportantRope3902 −  Lol no NTA. Your mother in law is a weirdo for demanding your baby not wear red. My kids looked like hobos when they were 2 and I frankly didn’t care. You are doing great with all you got going on. Dress your baby how you want.

Artblock_Insomniac −  NTA, if he is so stressed about it he can wake the kid and dress him, pack spare clothes, make breakfast, himself. You’ve got enough on your plate.

Inside_Garden6464 −  NTA. If MIL doesn’t like red she doesn’t have to wear red but she can’t tell others which colors to wear. And even that she helps out with household and childcare doesn’t change that.

curiousr_nd_curiousr −  NTA – is your MIL a bull and your toddler a matador? Or better yet, is she a toddler herself? If she could give a logical reason beyond “I don’t like it” I *might* consider obliging in your shoes, but what logical reason could there be for dressing YOUR kid to HER colour preferences?

KWS1461 −  Tell hubby he just bought himself a full week of getting up and completely getting baby ready without one bit of help. You sleep in! He can worry about picking outfits

WeddingFickle6513 −  NTA. If my kids are wearing pant it’s a win. I caught some grief about how my kids wore too much black as toddlers. Apparently it was going to make our kids weird like their parents. Because obviously being raised by us and sharing our DNA has less of an impact on their development and personality than a f**king color. Lol I ignored them.

They found something else to fuss about eventually. And then something else. Her reaction is overboard, though. Is it possible she has trauma associated with red? Or is she super religious? The cult I was raised in deemed red to be for “harlots” and “sinners” and definitely not for girls.

CryptographerAny2685 −  NTA. My mum does not like red either. She won’t buy anything red for my toddler but if we arrive with toddler dressed in red she doesn’t say anything. Your MIL can deal with what your toddler is dressed in OR she can buy the clothes and change them.

cascadia1979 −  NTA. These demands from MIL are absurd and you’re right to have firm boundaries here about how you are treated. If your husband cares about this he can dress your toddler. Otherwise he needs to side with you as his partner and mother of his child, rather than enable his mother’s odd demands.

EsharaLight −  It would take every once of self control I had not to start laughing hysterically if someone made such a request of me. Toddlers wear what they want to wear and no one has the spoons to cater to ridiculous requests like that when they are caring full time for a chaos monkey with no danger sense.

If MIL wants certain outfits, she can buy them for her home and change your kid herself. I am sorry you have to deal with that nonsense on top of the added nonsense of having to make rules in order to get your husband to act like a Dad.. NTA

JadedVeterinarian877 −  A lot of people are saying her request is ridiculous, and laugh it off. But she’s also the one willing to help, I’m guessing for free. And you say they help out a lot. I’m sorry, but dressing the kid in blue and green for a week sounds a 1,000 times easier than starting a fight with someone that helps me. I’m sorry but regular free childcare, in a safe and loving environment…sign me up for quirky MIL requests immediately.

Your problem isn’t the MIL, it’s your husband. He’s not doing his fair share, and that strain makes any new request feel like someone is asking you to run a marathon. You need to have a serious conversation with your husband about your burn out. You’re taking your frustration out on the wrong person. Just wait until your kid is in school and they have spirt week.

Think of it as MIL spirit week and the team colors are blue and green. Also if red colors make her angry or frustrated or makes her think about things from her past do you really want to remind her of those painful times, while she’s watching your baby?