My [21/M] girlfriend [27/F] of almost 3 years proposed to me a few weeks ago. I rejected it and our relationship hasn’t been the same ever since.

A 21-year-old man shared his concerns about the strain in his relationship after rejecting his 27-year-old girlfriend’s proposal. Despite their previously strong bond, the rejection has led to emotional distance, reduced intimacy, and changes in communication.

While he recognizes the pressures of their age difference and life stages, he struggles to understand how to mend their relationship. Read the full story below to dive into his dilemma and explore ways others have advised him to handle the situation.

‘ My [21/M] girlfriend [27/F] of almost 3 years proposed to me a few weeks ago. I rejected it and our relationship hasn’t been the same ever since.’

My girlfriend Sarah proposed to me a few weeks ago. We’d discussed marriage before, I told her eventually I’d like to get married to her. I mentioned that I didn’t want to have the pressure of proposing to her. We didn’t agree on a time frame for when she could propose to me though.

Her proposal to me was in private. The setting and mood were perfect, but I rejected it. I said I loved her very much but I felt too young to get married. I said I still saw us having a future together. I know all her friends are getting married. She’s also the older one in our relationship.

Sarah already has a successful career and is looking to settle down I assume. Whereas I still need to graduate university. Our relationship has been different lately ever since her proposal. My girlfriend used to initiate s** with me everyday.

Now I find I have to and she doesn’t feel like doing it as much as we used to. I’ve brought this up with her and she knows it hurts my feelings. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t want me in bed with her. We don’t have late night conversations anymore. I’ve caught her crying late at night and have tried my best to comfort her.

I’ve voiced how upset I’ve been on the recent direction of our relationship. Sarah gets quiet and doesn’t want to articulate her feelings to me. This is strange coming from her, we’ve always believed that communication is key in our relationship. We’re not afraid to tell each other anything.

I’m afraid that she doesn’t love me anymore. I feel like we’re now just roommates. I don’t know what to do. She’s my first girlfriend. I have never seen her like this. Is there anything I can do to fix our relationship to the way it was before? I’m almost certain this is all a result of her proposal, but I can’t help but feel like there’s another reason.. —

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

QuartzRockz −  I’m surprised no one here has commented on the fact that OP said he “didn’t want the pressure of proposing”. THAT right there is what I think gave her the idea to pursue proposing to you.

You should address the timeline differences as others have suggested, but I would also address this comment as it likely confused her and makes you saying no even worse in her head. What she might have seen as a hint for her to propose blew up in her face.

junica −  You are too young to be married. Tbh, the most disturbing thing is that she was 24 dating an 18 year old.

jetpuffedpanda −  I can absolutely understand you not wanting to get married. There is a lot of growth that happens mentally in your early twenties and it can be hard to know what you really want. By your late twenties though, you start to have an idea so your age difference is definitely playing a role in this.

There are so many things at play here that I kind of don’t blame her for not being able to communicate her feelings. Obviously it would be devastating to have a proposal rejected but it’s still your choice so try not to feel guilty.

As a 27yr old woman, it’s hard not to feel left out when all your peers are getting married and having babies. (I’m married but I certainly understand that feeling). It may be that she feels “behind”. Or maybe she has a timeline that you aren’t really aware of.

She may have been hoping that you guys would be married (She’d be 28) and then you could talk about having children by the time she hits 30 (just a possibility). The point is, children or no, she was mentally building a life with you and now she feels that it may never happen.

She’s questioning your feelings and intentions about her. If I were in her shoes, I probably would be avoiding s** too since women tend to attach a lot of emotions to s** and, obviously, she’s hurting. You have to understand that this may not be something she can ever “recover” from.

The only thing I can suggest doing is sitting down and putting all the cards on the table. If you can honestly see yourself marrying her in the future, tell her. Explain in every detail possible why you rejected her (if you haven’t already) and why you still love her and want a relationship.

I would imagine at this point she may be questioning why she’s in a relationship with someone who “doesn’t want to commit” to her after almost 3 years. Now i’m not saying you dont want to commit, just that she may be taking it that way.

MuppetManiac −  Are you seriously shocked that she asked you to get married and you said no and she’s hurt and upset? That kind of r**ection is kinda huge dude. Seriously what did you expect?

SketchAinsworth −  Age gaps matter everytime no matter what people say. I’m 25 and my SO is 32, though we both want marriage, kids, etc and are adults its still different. I’m in a more serious relationship than any of my friends which is fine with me but some people wouldn’t like this.

Gogogadgetskates −  So she dated an 18 year old as a 25 year old? Clearly you two are in different stages in your life and I’m shocked it took a rejected proposal for her to get that.

riversilver −  Yeah she is absolutely going to break up with you, and rightly so. You’re both in completely different phases of your lives right now and this relationship is no longer going anywhere. It’s not your fault or hers, you were right to reject the proposal as well.

Advicemouse3 −  Dude, give her a few weeks before you start thinking the intimacy of the relationship is forever changed. Being rejected for a proposal is emotionally gutting.

You were right to say no if it’s not what you wanted but she is probably trying to force a little emotional distance for herself from such a vulnerable moment.
Talk to her, tell her all the things you’ve been saying in replies in this thread and also give her a little time for things to go back to normal.

[Reddit User] −  She feels hurt and rejected. I think one thing that people really need to understand before getting married is that not every problem can be smoothed over after a couple of days or with one serious conversation.

Hurt feelings can linger for a long time and that doesn’t always mean someone has one foot out the door or are punishing the other person. You need to be extra patient, extra kind, and very open with your feelings; not because you did anything wrong but simply because you care about her.