My [28F] husband [36M] passed away, and now his “best friend” [33F] is trying to control his services

A woman is grieving the unexpected loss of her husband, Jonah, who passed away from a stroke. While she is planning a memorial service for him, Jonah’s former friend Marjorie has taken it upon herself to organize another service, even though Jonah had distanced himself from her.

Marjorie has been spreading lies and causing confusion about the memorial, forcing the woman to confront her behavior and find a way to protect Jonah’s memory while managing the fallout from Marjorie’s actions.

‘ My [28F] husband [36M] passed away, and now his “best friend” [33F] is trying to control his services ‘

My husband, Jonah, passed away unexpectedly a month ago from a stroke, and I’ve been living in a haze ever since. We were married for five beautiful years, and though we hadn’t yet had children, we were finally at the point of considering IVF.

His death has left an indescribable hole in my life, and I still can’t even fathom moving forward without him. Jonah had a close friend from high school named Marjorie. While I always believed their relationship was strictly platonic, she seemed to have had other feelings.

Over the years, she made comments hinting at wanting something more with Jonah, but he never reciprocated. By the time I came into the picture, Jonah had distanced himself from her, telling me that he had “outgrown” her and that they didn’t have much in common anymore.

He still kept in touch occasionally out of guilt, but Marjorie was never a significant part of our lives. After Jonah’s passing, I had him cremated, as he had wanted. I’ve been planning a memorial service with our families and friends, but I needed some time to process the grief before rushing into anything.

However, two weeks ago, I received an email from Marjorie, sent to sixty people, including Jonah’s family, announcing that she was organizing a memorial service in the town where Jonah grew up, the day before mine.

The email stated that she was doing this because “no other service had been held yet” and that Jonah “deserved to be laid to rest with honor.” To say I was blindsided would be an understatement.

I immediately called Marjorie, explaining that I was already planning a memorial, but she insisted that she had “only started planning” when she realized I wasn’t doing so in a timely manner. She seemed to think the timing was entirely her decision.

I told her that if she wanted to hold a service, she could, but she needed to clarify in her invite that the official memorial was going to be in our town. She reluctantly agreed, and I sent out a message to all the invited friends and family to make sure there was no confusion.

But it didn’t stop there. This week, I discovered that Marjorie had created a Facebook event for Jonah’s “official” memorial and invited as many people as she could. The worst part?

She blocked me on Facebook and now I’m being bombarded with messages asking which memorial is the real one. I’m furious and emotionally drained from dealing with her antics. I called her again to ask her to add a note to her event with the correct details,

but she dismissed me, saying, “Jonah would have wanted it this way” and “If you can’t appreciate what I’m doing, then you’re not welcome at the memorial.” I told her that was fine because I had already said my final goodbye to Jonah when I held him as he passed.

She hung up, and things escalated even further. Now she’s spreading lies about my relationship with Jonah, claiming he was planning to leave me because I couldn’t conceive and that we had even asked her to carry our child—none of which is true.

I’m at a complete loss. I don’t want to get into a public fight, but I can’t let her tarnish Jonah’s memory or spread these lies about our relationship. I feel like I’m being forced into a position where I have to defend myself, but I also don’t want to give her any more of my emotional energy.

I just want to lay Jonah to rest with his family, but Marjorie is making that impossible. How do I stand my ground without encouraging her to escalate this further? How do I protect Jonah’s memory while also putting an end to her interference?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

C1awed −  Can you deputize another friend or family member to take over Morjorie-handling for you? Someone to text and facebook everyone, set the record straight when she sends out some message, show up to her memorial and talk to people, etc? Basically, someone to shield you from her?

The best way to deal with a Marjorie is to tell people close to you the truth, and let them disseminate it. The people that matter won’t believe her. If nothing else, I think that people will realize that her memorial isn’t real when you’re not there. That sort of detail sticks out.

[Reddit User] −  Do you have any friends or family members who are mean and clever? Could you ask them to take over handling all of the Marjorie b**lshit?

Offthepoint −  First off, sorry for your loss. You seriously need to tell this girl to go f**k herself. Say in no uncertain terms that YOU are his wife, YOU are his family and her actions are  disgusting. Call all your family and friends and let them know that YOU, his WIDOW will be conducting this memorial service.

She is out of her mind if she thinks that anyone will believe her story about him leaving you. HE HAD A ZILLION OPPORTUNITIES TO HAVE THAT GIRL AND TURNED DOWN ALL OF THEM AND MARRIED YOU .

She sounds mentally unstable, seriously so. I would hire an attorney and threaten to sue her for libel. If someone did this to me, I can’t even tell you what I would do. She’d be sorry she ever opened her mouth.

paintedLady318 −  I’m so sorry for your loss. This is truly tragic. I would think that most people would understand that the memorial is where the wife says it is and where the remains will be buried. Contact the hometown newspaper and do an obituary with the correct information.

Don’t fool with this meddling woman again. If half the people show up, so what? The memorial is for you and his family; to help you let go. Again, I’m sorry for what you are going thru.

plastic_venus −  I’ve read a lot of posts on this sub, but this is the first one in a long time that’s made me viscerally angry. F**k that b**ch. Please update us, OP.

[Reddit User] −  I am not a lawyer but you should contact a lawyer. As the executor of your husband’s estate (unless he left someone else in charge as the executor) you are well within your realms to file cease and desists saying that people cannot use his name in ways that you do not approve of.

Your husband wasn’t famous, but for example, Terry Pratchett’s widow could tell websites or book publishers that his name is not allowed to be used unless it is cleared with the executor of his estate. You are the one who has to protect your husband’s name now.

If she wants to hold a memorial she can do so but she’s not allowed to call it his official memorial service without your say so. This is similar to if she printed something slanderous or libelous about him in the newspaper, you as the executor of his estate would be within your right to send her a cease and desist and sue for any damages.

Have the cousin save a screen shot of her memorial event on Facebook. Save the physical invitation from the memorial service she was planning. Give these to the lawyer.

Pay your lawyer out of the estate your husband left you (if he had any life insurance policies, investments, assets that you are selling because you no longer need a second car or need the house you lived in because you don’t want to and you don’t need that much space anymore).

Then tell the lawyer to pursue a civil suit for the damages caused monetarily by her actions, namely the money you’re spending on the lawyer to get her to stop.

Most likely you will have to take her to small claims and a mediator but you can get her to stop and get your lawyer fees paid for and maybe even a little more for the emotional distress of having to do this. Don’t confront her. Just call a lawyer first thing Monday morning. You might want to call an estate lawyer.

joazito −  I feel like we’re stepping dangerously close to law enforcement territory here. I wonder what a lawyer would say to this.

literatelier −  You should post in r/legaladvice. I feel like this should be grounds for an extreme emotional distress suit, or whatever it’s called. Maybe if she was served she’d realize how f**king crazy she’s being.

tpahornet −  I am sorry for your loss also. I went through a unexpected loss of my wife Feb. 2014 and it is something that just puts you in a unexpected state of mind. You have to stay strong and keep in mind that she is not the one with this responsibility and also share this with his family and have them handle this insensitive b**ch.

You have your plate full as I know and this distraction isn’t wanted or needed at this time. If you can have family members assist you in keeping her in line, I would lean on them to put her in her place.

For me a year has passed by, I have a amazing lady in my life that is supporting and loving who has shown me the true happiness that I was longing for. It does get better, life does go on and the sun rises everyday.

Keep your head on straight, make to do lists, plan on your future and where you need to be in the year ahead. Best of luck and I hope you know that there is someone out there when you are ready to share the love in your heart with. Keep your head up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. 🙂