My (26F) Fiance (29M) cancelled wedding one week before the ceremony. What do I do next?

A Reddit user shared that their fiancé cancelled their wedding just one week before the ceremony, citing feelings of nervousness and a sense of being “trapped” by marriage. Despite this, he texted four days later saying he missed her and loves her, and he’s now seeking counseling to figure out his emotions.

The user is unsure how to proceed and whether they should stay with him while he works through this or leave the relationship for good. For more on how they are processing the situation, read the full story below…

‘ My (26F) Fiance (29M) cancelled wedding one week before the ceremony. What do I do next?’

My (26F) fiancé (29M) cancelled our wedding one week before the ceremony. He said he had been having a built up of a nervous feeling over the past three months and he finally decided he can’t go through with it. He said he feels like getting married would mean that he is “trapped” for the rest of his life.

He decided he wanted a short break so I went to stay with my parents. Four days later he texted asking me if I could come home and that he misses me and loves me. He has arranged to see a psychologist/counsellor.

Chiefly, he wants to figure out (i) why this happened; (ii) does he not want to marry at all or just not want to marry me; (iii) does he still want to have kids at all or is it just that he doesn’t want to have kids with me.

Thought it might be worth mentioning that he has always told me he wanted a family previously and this is all coming as a surprise for me. For context, we have been dating for the past 3.5 years.How should I be feeling about this?

What should I do next? Should I continue living with him while he figures this out? Should I go on a long holiday somewhere else while he figures this out? Should I just leave him for good once and for all?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

littlerosepose −  This is his freak out. Go on holiday. Find yourself for a while. There is really no coming back from that level of letting you down IMO. Cancelling a wedding and withdrawing from the engagement is not to be taken lightly.

QueenMother81 −  Go on the honeymoon alone… let him work through his problems by himself. Sounds like you were just blindsided. He can get therapy, but holding his hand while you bleed out is not a fair ask.

spicewoman −  The request to come home because he “misses you” while he’s still trying to figure out if he still wants to marry and have kids but NOT with you is wild. Stay away until he gets his head on straight, and even then, this would be a huge rebuilding project if you decided to stay.

Couples counseling and taking things really slow. Take the time while you’re apart to figure yourself out, maybe get individual counseling to sort through all your thoughts and feelings on this, and decide if you want to start moving on without him instead of waiting around to be “picked” again.

Personally, I would have a really, really hard time ever feeling secure in that relationship again.

SenatorPardek −  I definitely would not live, have s** with, and carry on relationship with this man as normal. He JUST CANCELLED YOUR WEDDING A WEEK OUT? Money, time, energy? It up to you if you want to be like “im going on a two week vacation: if you haven’t figured this out by the time I get back we are done.

in fact: even then I might still be leaving. I’m not making any promises But I’m open to discuss when you decide what you want in your life”.. OR You could break up, because you shouldn’t have to be someone’s second choice, or a rescheduled wedding after cold feet.

ahdrielle −  I would go on a holiday. This is all his problem that he needs to figure out. He just canceled your wedding and is questioning everything about the relationship. That’s a huge deal.

she_makes_a_mess −  I think he needs to live on his own and figure out his life. he needs to find happiness/ peace outside of a relationship. trust me- this is better now than after marriage. get your affairs in order and move on with your life.

If you two can work it out and you think you can trust him again thats great but the relationship you had is gone and done. anything in the future is a new relationship. this is absolutely him and not you.

Marillenbaum −  Do not take him back. Go on your vacation, grieve, and figure out what disentangling your life looks like. This man is not capable of being your partner in any way that will benefit you in the long run. Get out now.

[Reddit User] −  So to answer your specific questions: Should I continue living with him while he figures this out? No. He is the one who blew this up, he is the one who needs to move out. Should I go on a long holiday somewhere else. excellent suggestion. while he figures this out?

You need not to put your life on hold for that. Should I just leave him for good once and for all?. Yes. Absolutely. You make the necessary logistical and practical arrangements to split everything up, break the lease, and/or one of you to find somewhere else to live, and you start your life anew.

What you do NOT do is waste a single day trying to fix this. Him even *asking* those three questions means this is over. And let him find his own answers out. He broke the engagement, he doesn’t get to use you any more as his emotional support s** doll.

SandJFun74 −  You guys are living together already and have been in a relationship for 4.5 years, the marriage is really just a legal contract, if you have already committed yourself to each other.

The whole for life thing, unless you are both are religious and see divorce not on the table, is irrelevant considering getting divorce, even though painful, is not impossible. My advice is to end things and thank him someday in the future after you have moved on that he didn’t waste any more of your life.

misstiff1971 −  Get rid of this guy. Do NOT have children with him. He didn’t give a damn about being honest with you earlier – you may not have had to pay for everything. Now you two are on the hook for the wedding fully. He isn’t a partner.