I [28M] don’t know how to support my girlfriend in her [27F] passion that she’s terrible at?

The user (28M) is struggling to support his girlfriend (27F) in her passion for writing, as he feels her writing is of poor quality. Despite her pride in her work, he is concerned about her plans to self-publish, knowing that the feedback from readers could be hurtful.

He is unsure how to provide constructive support without damaging her self-esteem or continuing to enable her misconceptions about her abilities.

‘ I [28M] don’t know how to support my girlfriend in her [27F] passion that she’s terrible at ‘

We’ve been together for almost 3 years now, and for the most part, the relationship is lovely. But, there’s an increasingly large part of her life which is causing issues: writing. My girlfriend always tells me about how much she *loves* writing.

Though she doesn’t write professionally, it’s always been a hobby of hers, and it’s one that she takes a lot of pride in. She’s even been starting to write some rough drafts of a light novel recently, and she enjoys every second of it. The problem? Her writing is the worst I’ve ever seen from someone our age, bar none.

Now, I don’t claim to be a good writer whatsoever. I’ve seen plenty of fantastic writing, and I’m well-aware that I could never produce anything remotely close to that. In general, though, I’m at least able to write at a competent level; it’s not perfect or great, but it gets the job done.

Her writing, on the other hand, is incredibly difficult to read, even at a basic level. Punctuation is seemingly random. There are paragraph-long sentences without a comma in sight. Tenses change over and over in the middle of a thought, without warning.

The vocabulary is never beyond a middle-school level, which causes the entire thing to read like a 7th grade English assignment. To clarify, she’s a native English speaker, so this isn’t due to the language itself being uncomfortable for her.

The content is also meandering, seemingly jumping from one idea to the next with no rhyme or reason. Again, if you were to read it, you would just assume that a preteen child wrote it. I don’t mean to spend this much space belittling her work,

but I feel like I need to drive home that this isn’t just some issue of personal preference; it’s really as close to objectively poor writing as you can get.
Further confounding the issue is the fact that she’s *extremely* proud of all her writing. She talks over and over about how she’s “a writer”,

and claims that it’s one of her greatest skills. She’s turned it into a major part of her identity. She constantly asks me to proofread pieces of her novel, and I don’t even know what to do. I’ve tried basically rewriting the whole thing, and I’ve tried being more hands-off (only marking a few punctuation changes in there, knowingly leaving in countless errors).

When I do the former, she seems to be genuinely hurt, asking me what was wrong with the original she showed me. When I do the latter, I feel like I’m basically lying to her about one of the things she cares about most.

She loves to show people her writing and (I hate saying this) I feel incredibly embarrassed when she does. I can see their confused expressions as they give her a cursory “Wow, this is great!”, which she always takes to heart.

She’s an incredibly kind and loving person, so no one in her life can bring themselves to tell her the truth, knowing it would shatter her happiness and self-esteem. And, the biggest problem of all? She’s going to be self-publishing her work soon.

If someone buys her novel and leaves a review, she’ll be devastated when she reads it. I’ve tried to subtly hint that maybe she should learn more about grammar and punctuation, just to make her writing “even better”.

I’ve told her that reading more herself might be a great idea, and maybe she can learn some new words to use in her novel. But whenever I surface these ideas, her interest is practically zero.

I have no idea what to do here. Some days I just want to be honest with her, and tell her that she should really learn some fundamentals of writing before trying to publish something. But at the end of the day, I just want her to be happy.

I feel like no matter what, she’s going to have to face this truth, whether it’s from me, or someone reading her novel and giving an honest review. How can I support her while not supporting her misconception about her abilities?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

york100 −  Direct her towards a writing class or writing group. It can be a fun way to pursue a hobby and along the way, she might be lucky to get some honest criticism. She’ll probably also encounter some equally terrible writing, and that might be a wake-up call for her.

binkkit −  She needs an editor. “Real” writers, professional writers have editors. Maybe she needs to start the search for hers.
Either they will help her produce something saleable or they will tell her the harsh truth. Either way the blood isn’t on your hands. Just keep being supportive.

dreadfulwater −  “She constantly asks me to proofread pieces of her novel, and I don’t even know what to do” I just wanted to say this gave me a chuckle.
She needs her “work” to be reviewed by a professional and then get ready to be her emotional support animal for a few months.

I just get the impression she’s not built to take any criticism whatsoever and she feels she’s “arrived and self-made”. Be strong

AnotherPint −  Give her a creative writing seminar for a birthday present. Let a pro lower the boom.

lightninghazard −  Verb tenses I would feel comfortable calling out, personally. “I know how important this novel is to you, and I want to support you in making it the best it can be. I really think you should go through and fix all of these sentences where the verb tenses change in the middle of the thought.

You wrote a nice moment between [character] and [character] here, you don’t want your readers to get distracted from that because of mistakes.”
If you need help pushing her in the direction of a writers’ workshop, pick up a book and show her how long the acknowledgements are.

“Hey honey, I was just thinking. These writers have some help from their partners and families, but they also have many other writers and editors viewing their work. [Family member/friend] and I aren’t writers OR editors, so I’m afraid that we might be limited in our ability to help.

There are writers’ workshops you can go to for free and book proofreaders on Fiverr for a reasonable fee. Maybe you should use those resources so you can get that professional polish.” If she thinks it’s THE thing to do (and it is, there’s no lie there), she might be more likely to do it.

Beyond that, I wouldn’t worry about it. If she self-publishes there might not even be many readers. I’d imagine she’ll get a reality check, but not a pile-on.

Cryptid_Chaser −  I don’t think that you’re the best person to give her this revelation. Instead, why don’t you encourage her to join a writing group? A lot of major cities will advertise them on meetup sites or even coffee shop pinboards.

Other hobbyists have more practice with tactful criticism, and she’ll probably be more inclined to take their advice to boot.

ahdrielle −  Unless she tries to quit her day job to become a writer, what’s the harm in leaving this alone?

fromtheashesarise −  Suggest writing classes at a community college?

[Reddit User] −  I am a pretty voracious reader of fiction. About 6 months ago I decided that I could write a book so I sat down and started doing just that. I got a few chapters in and then had my wife read it, because we like to read a lot of the same s**t.

She was very honest with me and I learned that I am not a writer. Maybe you should just be honest with her? Nip that s**t in the bud before it gets out of hand.