My (26F) Husband’s (26M) family keeps referring to me as his “best friend”. What does this mean?

A newlywed woman is puzzled by her husband’s family’s tendency to refer to her as his “best friend” rather than his wife. Despite being married for several months, her in-laws and sister-in-law consistently introduce her this way, even in professional or formal settings.

The situation has left her feeling confused, questioning whether it reflects a deeper issue or is simply a well-meaning yet odd quirk of their family dynamic. Read the full story to learn more about her dilemma and how she’s trying to interpret their behavior.

‘ My (26F) Husband’s (26M) family keeps referring to me as his “best friend”. What does this mean?’

My Husband Robbie (26 M) and I (26 F) got married earlier this year. It was a beautiful day and I felt so much love and support from both sides of our family.
Two months after our wedding day, we celebrated my birthday at my inlaws house.

It was nothing major, just a dinner and a night together with me, my husband, his mom (50sF) , dad (50sM), and sister(22F). That is the first night I noticed them referring to me as “Robbie’s best friend”. After my birthday dinner, we were all sitting together in the livingroom, just chatting and having some drinks.

That’s when my SIL got a phone call from a good friend of hers. When she answered the phone and her friend asked what she was doing, she replied that it was her “brother’s best friend’s birthday”. I had never heard anyone refer to me as Robbie’s best friend.

I am his wife, and before that we were engaged for over 2 years. Hearing my SIL refer to me like that confused me greatly. I always refer to her as my SIL, and I would expect her to do the same. Or maybe even as Robbie’s wife, but certainly not best friend.

After my SIL hung up her phone, I asked her why she referred to me the way she did. She did not seem at all abashed. She just said “well, you are best friends! And that’s what mom and dad call you” (referring to MIL and FIL).

My SIL and I are by no means very close, but we are nice to each other and have never had any fights. We just don’t hang out outside of family functions because our personalities are pretty different. She’s never made it seem like she was annoyed or mad at me.

I decided to let it go that night, even though it weirded me out. But then it all happened again a few days ago, which is why I’m writing this post. My MIL and I both work in the same industry doing similar jobs, but at different companies in the area.

Sometimes our companies collaborate when we have clients who switch over. This week we had that happen, and I had to pay a visit to my MILs office to help a client transition. My MIL was in the office, so I stopped by to say hello.

While I was there she introduced me to her colleague, and once again I was perplexed by how she did it. She said, “this is my son’s best friend!” As I was shaking hands with the colleague. I paused and awkwardly said “I’m his wife…”. The colleague looked confused but my MIL continued to smile and didn’t address it.

Once we were alone I asked my MIL why she referred to me like that. Just like my SIL she didn’t seem to act like it was weird at all, and said the same thing, “well you are best friends!”. The only thing that I can think to explain this is that in my vows to Robbie I promised to continue being his best friend.

Nobody acted like this was odd or special, and I feel like it’s a pretty common thing to put in vows. So I’m not sure why Robbie’s family seems to have clung to it, unless it has nothing to do with everything. I’ve spoken to Robbie about this too, and he is also perplexed by it.

He asked his parents privately about it and they gave him the same answer they’ve been giving me. It all just feels like some sort of b**lying behavior to me, but I’ve never felt a sense of this from them before. Are they calling be his best friend because they don’t like the fact I’m his wife?

Or is it some inside joke they’ve been in on without me? I’m not sure what to do or make of it, especially because the in laws are acting like it’s not an issue when I bring it up. Yes, I am Robbie’s best friend, but I’m also his life partner, and their DIL/SIL. I don’t know what to do.Any input or advice would be welcome.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Purple_Bishop2 −  How about just being straight forward – “yes, Robbie and I are best friends, but now that we are married I would prefer that you refer to me as his wife as I treasure our relationship, thank you.”

Chehairazode −  This seems passive-aggressive. Have your husband shut this down.

Spellboundmama −  My MIL used to call me my husband’s “friend” too when we had been engaged on purpose to belittle my importance in his life. Not saying this is what they’re playing at, it may be innocent, but it may not. I would sit them down for a dinner,

be friendly but firm you don’t appreciate being introduced as your husband’s “best friend” when you are his WIFE. Whether they are trying to or not, it is disrespectful. If you do this, you need your husband to also speak up about it. Hopefully it can be solved with a face to face confrontation.

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  This is one of those situations where your husband has to forcibly tell your mother. This not only bothers my wife, it bothers me. We may be best friends, but you are going out of your way to not introduce her as my wife. And not only that, my sister is doing the same thing.

I don’t know why the two of you are doing it, but it stops now. I also want an explanation from the both of you and until I get the truth, I’ll be going low contact with the family. This ends now. OP is my wife. She will be treated with respect by this family or there will be consequences 

[Reddit User] −  I guess I don’t understand. You asked why they were referring to you as the best friend. They said well you are his best friend and then what happened? You just walked away? Because to me that would be the beginning of the conversation, not the end.

I think it’s good that you said something but really bizarre that you just let it go when clearly nothing was resolved. It makes it really hard to take this post seriously. I mean not only did they make themselves look insane, but the fact that you just dropped the conversation when it didn’t go anywhere also makes no sense.

thigerlily −  I’d honestly be petty and feign concern that MIL has dementia next time she pulls this s**t. Pull out the concerned eyebrows and a gentle “MIL, is everything. okay? I’m u/faxxed (say this part slowly and while pointing to yourself), Robbie’s WIFE, not his best friend!

Are you having trouble remembering things lately? Should we go see the doctor?” You could also just mock her and exclusively introduce MIL to everyone as your coworker or a friend of your husband and wait for her to say something.

[Reddit User] −  This is so weird. I consider my fiancé my best friend and vice versa but no one ever calls me his best friend. I’m his girlfriend or fiancée. There is something they’re not telling you. I also find it disrespectful to introduce you as his best friend instead of wife. A wife is much more than a best friend.

beautifulpiscesx3 −  That’s strange. It feels like an inside joke amongst his family mocking your vows. While I was there she introduced me to her colleague, and once again I was perplexed by how she did it. She said, “this is my son’s best friend!” As I was shaking hands with the colleague.

I paused and awkwardly said “I’m his wife…”. The colleague looked confused but my MIL continued to smile and didn’t address it. She could’ve easily said, “This is my daughter-in-law.” It’s not that hard to tell people unless she doesn’t like you.

My SIL and I are by no means very close, but we are nice to each other and have never had any fights. We just don’t hang out outside of family functions because our personalities are pretty different. She’s never made it seem like she was annoyed or mad at me.

Once we were alone I asked my MIL why she referred to me like that. Just like my SIL she didn’t seem to act like it was weird at all, and said the same thing, “well you are best friends!”. Some in-laws are good at keeping poker faces. Eventually, you will find out why. They can’t keep up that facade forever.

Your husband needs to be assertive. You’re his wife, and your in-laws are diminishing that. What’s going to happen if you guys want to have children one day? What will they tell people? Oh, that’s my son’s best friend’s kid? My brother’s best friend’s kid?? This needs to be nipped in the bud.

OptimusSublime −  I sometimes (like less than a handful) refer to my wife as my ex-gf to our new parent friends, but this is a little much.

Thrwwy747 −  Petty route… MIL – This is the woman sleeping with H’s father at the moment FIL – This is my MILs current husband. SIL – FIL’s other child