My husband is in love with his student. I have no f**king idea what to do.

A Reddit user shared her heart-wrenching story of discovering her husband, a medical professor, is emotionally entangled with one of his students. After his tearful confession, she moved out with their daughter, struggling to process the betrayal and navigate her next steps. Read the original story below to see how this emotional conflict unfolded.

‘ My husband is in love with his student. I have no f**king idea what to do. ‘

My husband and I (both 35 rn) met in college. We fell in love and got married 8 years back. I gave birth to our daughter in 2020. My husband is a professor at this med school (he’s a doctor himself). My friend, Sarah, also works in the same college and she’s in the same department as my husband.

Few months back(in December), Sarah took me out for lunch and told me that she suspected something’s going on between my husband and this med student (25f). She claimed she’d seen both of them give ‘yearning looks’ to each other.

She said that she’s known my husband for so long, and she’d never seen him talk to any other woman like this, that he’d been so aloof around women all these years, but it’s just different with this one girl.

In that moment, I had laughed at her face. I remember telling her that she’s jumping to conclusions based on these supposed ‘yearning looks’. “That’s why I didn’t tell you before”, she had said,”I was confused too. It’s not like he goes out of his way to talk to her but whenever they do talk, it’s like watching a slow burn romance movie.

She looks at him like he’s Brad Pitt and he looks at her the way he used to look at you.” I remember the exact word’s because they stung. Internally I was breaking down, externally I just smiled and told her that she’s probably overthinking. That night, I casually mentioned this my husband.

I was laughing at the absurdity, and I expected him to join in. And deny the wild possibility that he’s in love with a student. But he didn’t. Instead he looked at me, all teary eyed, and said ‘I’m sorry’. “ I can’t get her out of my mind. I’ve tried, trust me. I should’ve told you sooner. But I thought I could save our relationship, I really wanted to.”

I asked him if he’d cheated on me. He said no. He said he didn’t even talk to her, nor did they have any contact outside of college and that he completely understood how morally depraved it is to try and pursue a relationship with a student.

She wrote him a letter about an year back, confessing her love for him and he had told her that even tho he was into her, nothing would come out of it. Aparently that was when the ‘yearning looks’ had started. I honestly don’t remember how I reacted then. I think I just started packing and came to live with my parents along with my daughter.

I’ve been living with my parents since then. Half of me wanted him to come and beg for forgiveness. But he never did. He comes by sometimes to spend time with our daughter but that’s it. He never talks about the elephant in the room nor do I bring it up.

I keep checking that girl’s social media. She’s insanely beautiful, almost doll like, and intelligent. I can’t help but think that someone like him should be with someone like her. He’s always been very good looking and I’m more of a plain Jane.

She’s the Meredith to his Derek. I don’t know what to do. What do I even tell people? I don’t even know who I am without him. Some part of me still wants him to come back.

Check out how the community responded:

philomenatheprincess −  I hope you thanked Sarah, good friends like that are rare!!!

patience_brody −  Bruh if she’s Meredith to his Derek that makes you Addison, I’d be happy with that

pseudonymphh −  Jeez. He’s flattered and infatuated (and so is she). What a d**bass.

annod75 −  The fact that he never came to talk to you to fix your marriage means he’s checked out.

solidgun1 −  Let’s say he comes back and asks for forgiveness and do all that you want. Then what? Will you accept him and start something new with him knowing that he did this? Think about your time and you happiness. What prevents you from finding the right person?

Don’t let the fear of the unknown ruin your future of being with someone perfect for you. And try to maintain a respectful relationship for the sake of your daughter. You deserve better than this. Let the past go and move on to see where it takes you. Holding on to this feeling will only make you bitter and close many doors.

Traeyze −  He said no. He said he didn’t even talk to her, nor did they have any contact outside of college and that he completely understood how morally depraved it is to try and pursue a relationship with a student.

She wrote him a letter about an year back, confessing her love for him and he had told her that even tho he was into her, nothing would come out of it. Aparently that was when the ‘yearning looks’ had started.

Honestly, I don’t know that this makes sense. That she could get to the point of writing a letter that confesses love off what he claimed was such limited contact just seems kind of absurd. Worse, when she did choose to confess he chose the most cruel and self indulgent response possible.

In that moment he chose to ruin his life, that’s the sad reality of it, and whether it ever manifested as anything more intense he did enough damage there that things would never go back. He failed as a husband, adult, and educator. Don’t idealise his dynamic with her.

The reason people frown on teachers hitting on students is because the power discrepancy makes any emotional connection compromised. She was enamoured with him but part of that means ignoring the dissonance of all the bad things he did to humour it. In the end she’s just naive. As for him, well, he’s a c**ep.

Time to find out who you are. Part of that will involve stop putting yourself down. Even if he came back it wouldn’t undo the things he has done and that’s the sad reality. He will understand what he lost with increasing clarity but that’s his burden to face.

TinyLittlePanda −  Assuming he told you the truth and nothing happened besides that letter and these “looks”. It is not love. On either side. It is infatuation. Imo you cannot truly love anyone until you have actually been with them, and even lived with them.

It is very normal that a 25-y-o girl would believe infatuation is love, but at 35, your hubby supposedly knows better. He does not love her.
However, and that is going to hurt, that does not mean he still loves you.

He told you “I thought I could save our relationship, I really wanted to” PAST TENSE. He did not beg for forgiveness, as you said. It honestly sounds like he does not love you anymore and will not make the effort for you.

Your problem is not that he fell in love with anyone else, it is that he does not love you anymore. Your husband, like many men, did not have the courage to tell you just that and instead waited for you to find a reason to leave him, this way he will be the wronged party, because after all he “did not do anything”.

You need to have a talk with him, and try to be as civil and respectful as possible. Tell him that even though nothing happened with the girl, you feel like he wants out of this relationship.

Tell him that you deserve to be loved, truly, 100% loved, and he is not giving you that. I would also tell him that if he wanted to leave you he should have done just that instead of exchanging looks with a 25 y-o.

Luna_Goddess_Dance −  Damn, it’s stuff like this that makes me never want to love someone *too much*. Just enough to be happy with them, but not so much that I’d be crushed if they do what your husband has done – so I can just walk away and say ‘thank you, next’

Independent-Let-7688 −  I remember that a psychologist friend of mine at some point told me that it’s normal to have crushes on someone else even if you are married. The important thing is whether you act on it or not. If you don’t they will fade in time.

Don’t know whether it’s true or not, but it seems your husband had chosen you and your marriage until you moved out. Perhaps it’s worth exploring couples therapy?

Most people think having a child will strengthen their relationship, when most times it’ll put a strain on it and especially the first years it’s easy to grow apart. And I would guess that makes it easier to fall for someone else. But sometimes you can work through that and rekindle.

SecureChipmunk3259 −  This is so hard. I don’t have an answer besides therapy for yourself, and maybe suggesting couples therapy to your partner if you’re both interested in saving your marriage.

Should the Redditor attempt to rebuild her marriage for her daughter’s sake, or is the emotional betrayal too significant to forgive? How would you approach such a painful and complicated situation? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/hRGCR