My (26M) girlfriend (25F) has grown distant after I got beat up defending a group of girls being harassed

A Redditor shared an update about his relationship struggles after a heroic but costly act of defending two women being harassed. Following his hospitalization from the incident, his girlfriend became distant and later left him, only to return in a deeply emotional state.

She revealed her reaction was tied to unresolved trauma from her past, where witnessing domestic violence had left lasting scars. The two are now committed to rebuilding trust and seeking therapy together. Read the full story below…

‘ My (26M) girlfriend (25F) has grown distant after I got beat up defending a group of girls being harassed’

I have been with my gf Sarah for 3 years and been living together for 1.5. She is honestly everything I have ever wanted and I planning on proposing somewhere next year. So 3 weeks ago I was out with Sarah at a local bar drinking and having a great time with her as it was just after quarantine had ended where I live.

At around 3 am we decided to head home. As we headed to the parking lot where we had parked we noticed a group of 2 girls and a guy who was clearly drunk trying to hit on them and get them to go to his house. The girls were clearly very uncomfortable and trying to find a way out.

Sarah told me that we had to do something and I told her go call the cops and get someone as well because the very leat I wanted was her to get hurt during this. So I approached the group and try to pretend I was the boyfriend of the one of the two girls and long story short I got my ass kicked.

The guy was at least 6ft4 and 220 lbs where as I’m 5ft11 167lbs . I’m fairly mascular myself but there was no way I could have taken someone that big, I knew it from the start. At least from all the noise we had made a lot of people rushed the scene and the girls got away safe.

I was rushed to the ER because the m**herfucker had broken my ribs which had punctured my right lung. Yay. After that incident Sarah has grown a distant from me. Even though she visited and stayed with me at the hospital she hasn’t been the same since. And I thought she just needed time to move past this.

However 5 days ago she told me that she is not the same person after what happened and she doesn’t know if she feels safe with me after I got beat up like that. Honestly hearing that hurt me more than when I got my ribs broke. She has moved to her parents for the time being and she told me she needs time.

Meanwhile I had no one here to help me so my brother left his 2 boys and wife to move in with me. I know I’m just venting at this point but I don’t want this to be over like that. Reddit is there anything I can do to salvage the situation?.

UPDATE:
Until yesterday it had been 14 days since my last contact with Sarah. My brother had left 4 days prior because I felt bad keeping him away from his family for so long, plus I could take care of myself to some extent. So around 2 pm while I was making lunch I hear the doorbell ring.

I go to open the door and there she is. Sarah. With tears in her eyes, eye bags, frizzy hair,looking like a total mess. During the time we’ve been together I’ve seen her in her ups downs but I’d never seen her in such horrible state before. So I let her in she sits on the couch , we haven’t still said a word as we were both dumbfounded.

I was so o**rwhelmed by emotions, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to full on blast on her, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do. So I did nothing and waited for her to talk.

After 5 or 10 minutes of silence she starts sobbing and saying she’s sorry and, then full on crying. At this point I can barely hold myself together. So I hold her hand and try to calm her down so I can figure out what is going on. After a while she finally somewhat calms down and starts talking. And that’s where it got bad.

Something that I didn’t include in the original post, because it wouldn’t make sense to anyway is that Sarah’s mother has been divorced and remarried once. From what Sarah has told me, her biological father cheated on her mother while she was still a kid and that’s why they broke up

And that’s also why she doesn’t have any kind of relationship with her father. It seemed odd when I first learned about it, but I didn’t question it. That is not the whole story though. Sarah’s biological father didn’t only cheat on her mother. He was a d**g addict pos, that also used to beat her up frequently.

Without getting into a lot of graphic detail in one instance when Sarah’s brother tried to intervene and protect her mother he ended up getting beat up too. So when she saw me intervening and getting my ass kicked in the bar incident it triggered some kind of PTSD in her head that she could not control.

That’s why she had grown distant and eventually left. It all spiraled out of control and she could not handle it. In those two weeks we’d been apart she’d barely eaten or slept and even made some really dark thoughts which I’d rather not go into.

She told me is a horrible girlfriend for leaving me alone in my condition and that she doesn’t expect us to be together again after that,which I told her isn’t the case. So we have a very long road ahead of us. My number one priority right is getting her to see a therapist, which I suggested we can do together if she’s scared to do alone.

So yeah that’s where we are at. Some of you were right, that there was some deeper issue behind what happened but I could not have possibly known. I also wanted to take this opportunity to say something that I got messaged about a lot.

I got a lot of comments and messages saying that I was a m**on for what I did at that parking lot and that I should mind my own buisness next time and not play the hero, etc . First of all I did not initiate the fight with the dude. As I said when I got there I tried to pretend I was the boyfriend of the one of the girls in case.

When that didn’t work I got between the girls and the dude trying to create some space between them and that’s when he started to push me and eventually started throwing punches. Secondly no matter how hard I hit the gym I would never be able to take that guy one on one.

As I said I’m pretty fit, and I’ve been working out for several years but the fella was a lot bigger than me. Unless I had a gun or something, which isn’t legal in my country I was doomed. Finally for the people telling me to mind my own business, well let me you that what exactly what I was doing.

It is mine and everyone else’s responsibility to look after the ones who can’t protect themselves is this s**tty world. No, I do not consider myself a hero, nor did I do it for the show.

I did it because in some other instance one of those girls could have been my girlfriend, sister, mother needing help. And these girls were somebody else’s girlfriend, sister or mother . If I was put in that situation a hundred more times I would act the same.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Mymindgoesthere −  Thank you for the update and the additional information to add context. I wish you well in your relationship.

[Reddit User] −  You did well dude, you did really well – both in what you did standing in for those girls, and what you are now doing with your girlfriend. Not every argument can be won by using fists, and not every battle you fight you are going to win.

But doing the right thing is when you start actually winning for real and even though may think you lost a fight, you should understand and be happy with the fact that you won anyway. You stood up for what was right. And that’s a “win” in my book.

If everyone did as the naysayers claim and minded your own business, well it just makes the world a darker place. Unless people like yourself stand up (even at the risk of coming out second best), things just turn slowly to s**t. You and I – and others here – know that this is not the world we wish to live in.

So work through this with your gf, do the therapy and keep talking about things – you’ll both get to a much better place. And live a long and happy life and never be afraid of doing what is right.

Roundcastle −  People telling OP he should have minded his own business and not helped are the kind of people who don’t deserve the ground they’re sitting on. It’s one thing to not want to help someone, but to have such a disgusting mentality to tell someone to NOT help someone is pure evil. I genuinely hope these people never breed.

[Reddit User] −  I think it’s terrible people are telling you to “mind your own business.” You did a good thing, and I think standing up for someone regardless of their gender, race, etc. when they’re clearly being intimidated is a noble thing, even if it’s someone who is obviously bigger than you.

You potentially saved them from being assaulted, raped, or even murdered, and while we all wish you didn’t have to endure being assaulted in protecting them, you took the brunt of that force and hostility, not something to judge lightly.

About Sarah, as someone with PTSD myself, I can tell you it really does f**k people up to have it triggered, and I am glad you are understanding and helping her. I dated a POS a few years back who actively denied me even having PTSD, in addition to triggering it, and it was horrifying. You’re a good man, she’s lucky to have you.. (29M here)

Ezlyn_Nemophilist −  So glad you and your girlfriend were able to come together and talk about it. And thank you for Stepping up in that situation with the girls. Best wishes.

frozenbageldough −  I’m a woman who has been in uncomfortable situations like that countless times, and I’ve NEVER had a man stand up for me before. You did an amazing thing, and those women must have been so incredibly grateful. Good luck to you and your girlfriend moving forward.

Edit: Why are you all so proud of being complicit in a world where women are harassed constantly? Y’all in the replies are making me sad for humanity. I’m not speaking of obligation, and I’m not “entitled” to other people’s help.

But damn I don’t think that saying “people should try to help when there’s injustice in front of them” is anything outrageous. Why’d I single out men? Because women have helped me all the time. It’s not that “people” haven’t helped, it’s that men haven’t helped.

Also, I’d never ask another woman to put herself in the middle of a harassment situation voluntarily, when she’s likely subjected to so many involuntarily. It’s terrifying. Finally, it’s mind blowing to me that these clarifications seem necessary. I shared my experience, nothing else, and didn’t try to use my story as anecdotal evidence of anything.

[Reddit User] −  “If we are to raise them, we are to raise them strong. We are to raise them strong enough to be compassionate when faced with disparity. We are to raise them strong enough to know courage in the face of fear, and to be honest in times of doubt.
We will show them hope; because without it, life is not worth living.

Raise them to know ambitions, to know heart, and show them that this world is conquerable. Have faith in them, and you will see that they will have faith in you. Trust in one another as a family, and show them a value of good friends because that will never lead them astray.

With this you will find them to be kind, courteous and gentle, helping of the worlds around them. If we raise them strong, they will change those worlds for the better, and in turn we might learn from their example. We wish you strength in the coming future, through the good times and the bad.

We wish you hope in times of dismay. And in time, we hope that you find peace. “ This is an example of what raising them well looks like. This man has the quality of person every parent should aspire to create, someone who chooses action where all others choose inaction.

OP, i don’t give a s**t about what anybody else says, you did the right thing, and despite your losses, you did a good thing. To any one person who reads this post and thinks the same things as he was told, “that was dumb”, or “you shouldn’t have done that”.

I hope you never have children, because they will only serve to be raised as the man who put this guy in the hospital, and of that, there is no pride.

aussielander −  Great you are happy but what i am reading is a story about a woman that dumped a guy when he needed her most.
Other take away is you nearly got yourself killed trying to be a white knight for people you dont know and was dumped for your trouble.

terrible-aardvark −  I’m glad you were able to talk about everything. If I remember your post correctly, someone brought up PTSD and childhood trauma as a reason for her reaction. Her response wasn’t great (which she’s acknowledged), but not entirely unexpected due to her history.

EmperorLOGiK −  Man. I’m so sorry. Firstly ya did the right thing, who knows what that dude would have done to the girls. Sorry you paid for doing the right thing with such injuries and a miserable time.

The silver lining I guess is that your girlfriend is going to get professional help for a trauma which could have caused all kinds of issues later on.

Despite what she did she seems like a good person and I’m glad she’s got you there to help her through this. I hope you can both get back to normal. I’m hoping for the best for both of you, you both deserve happiness.

Would you have intervened in the original situation? How do you think couples can work through trauma and its unexpected triggers together? Share your thoughts below!