My (24F) boyfriend (26M) has a long time female friend who’s clearly into him and I don’t know what I should do.

A Redditor shared their frustration about their boyfriend’s long-time female friend, who seems to have lingering feelings for him. While the Redditor trusts her boyfriend and knows he’s not interested in his friend romantically, she’s uncomfortable with how the friend constantly flirts and makes comments about their past closeness.

Despite addressing some boundaries with her boyfriend, such as limiting late-night texts and unannounced visits, the Redditor struggles with her emotions and how to navigate this complicated situation. Read the original story below…

‘ My (24F) boyfriend (26M) has a long time female friend who’s clearly into him and I don’t know what I should do.’

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 months and he’s really great. He has a friend that he’s had for years who is a girl. Normally, I’m not the type to be all like “you’re not allowed to hang out with a single girl alone”. But I’m considering telling my boyfriend that he’s not allowed to hang out with this girl alone.

This girl is obviously so into him and she def wants me to know she’s coming for him. She keeps saying stuff like “You don’t know him like I do yet”, “We used to go to that place together all the time long before you guys started dating”, “Oh my god josh remember when we went on a hike just the two of us, that was the best day”.

She also had cute pet names for him but I didn’t like that so as soon as I heard it I told my boyfriend I didn’t like it and he made her stop.
I asked her straight up if she’s into him and her response pissed me off so much.

She was like ” I know its intimidating how close he and I are but don’t worry you’re the girlfriend I’m just a friend right?” with a smug smile on her face. I got so mad but I couldn’t talk to my boyfriend about it. I want to tell him to cut her out of his life so bad but I don’t know if I can do that.

My boyfriend’s dad passed away two years ago with a heart condition. He told me that his dad was his bestfriend growing up so it hit him really hard. He was the only family my boyfriend had. Apparently, this girl really helped him get through it. She apparently was there for him throughout the whole thing.

That’s why he says she’s like a sister to him. That’s why I don’t know what to do. I already asked him to set some boundaries like she can’t text late at night or come over to his place unannounced all the time and no interrupting our alone time.

My boyfriend doesn’t realize that she’s into him and I kinda don’t blame him on that one because all of her flirts are subtle enough that he doesn’t realize but enough to get me riled up.

I know my boyfriend isn’t into her at all and he’s completely friend zoned her but its still so frustrating. I hate to admit it but she’s so good at getting under my skin and I don’t know what to do. I really need some advice.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

CherryWand −  Maybe you could have a talk with him about how she’s acting and tell him that you don’t want to break up their friendship, but that you would feel really loved if he would make it extra clear that he prefers you.

Maybe also explain that you don’t like to be alone with her because she seems to want you to feel weird, and ask for his help with that. However, I recommend that you don’t dictate exactly how he acts, but rather bring it up and then sit back for a few weeks and see how he handles it.

Give him time to observe the situation with new eyes. I think treating him with trust will be better for your relationship, since he hasn’t done anything to make you question his loyalty.

Destroyerofannoyance −  I specifically want to address this absolute turd tier, worthless advice I keep seeing in the comments: “If she’s at a social event, just don’t go!!!” No. Wtf is that.

You shouldn’t be forced into feeling so uncomfortable to the point where your contact with your boyfriend and his normal behaving friends is limited because she’s an a-hole.

Everyone who honestly puts their whole heart into a relationship deserves, at the minimum, to go out in public with their s/o and not feel lowly and bad about themselves over it!!

Seriously, people in the comments saying this: get your self esteem up! OP, you have got to tell him everything she’s done. As awkward as it feels saying it you need to just spit it out.

You’re going to come off as the bad guy if you keep pushing the boundaries without the explanation. The stress this has to be causing when you see this b, and the weight it must have on your chest – you’re going to feel so relieved to just say it, at least.

throwawaylmaookthen −  My boyfriend has a female friend he’s known way longer than he’s known me, and he also says he considers her a sister. The big difference though is that she doesn’t call him pet names, bring up how much more she knows about him, and doesn’t try to undermine our relationship!

Boys can be clueless sometimes and it seems like you need to trust your gut here. Don’t look at it is “I’m not allowing you to talk to her”, just tell him your feelings and how you don’t think she respect your relationship, and let him decide how to proceed. If he changes nothing and lets her keep doing stuff like that, then that’s very telling

leniadi −  This is really petty advice, don’t do it if you’re a good person. If she is into him then it’s probably really bothering her to see him with another girl so play it up. Have your hands on him, sit really close to him, drape a leg, nibble a ear, whisper dirty things to him.

Use your girlfriend privileges in front of her and make it pretty obvious when you two leave together you’re gonna bang it out. Rub her nose in it. If she’s into him that’ll hurt, if she’s not then no harm no foul for being extra flirty with your bf. Remember you’ve already won. You are the girlfriend, she is not.

Crafty-Particular998 −  He might just be clueless. I’d bring it up to him, especially her smug response. Don’t ask him to cut her off because he’ll get defensive, but ask him to draw some boundaries with her.

1stofallhowdareewe −  You probably need to bring up what she is doing again and explain how it make you feel. Don’t tell him how to handle it, just explain calmly. If that doesn’t get him to see what is going on, then I suggest fighting fire with fire.

When she brings up good times they had just the two of them push back with something the two of you did that is more intimate. Basically remind her of her place as his friend while you are his girlfriend.

thesheriff2298 −  Honestly, call her out. Next time she says something relating to your boyfriend that gets under your skin just call her out on it right in front of him. Best way to make him see what’s she’s really doing.

Knittingfairy09113 −  My way of handling something with similarities was to say I do not want to control his friendships and I wasn’t asking him to stop talking to her. Then went on to say I was underwhelmed due to X,Y, and Z behaviors.

As you’ve already made some requests and he seems to have accommodated them I would wait for a little while though. Not to say your feelings aren’t valid but give it a little more time to see how things go and try to avoid group hangouts.

Some people are really that oblivious so I think it’s plausible he may really not see it. If he does see it he may be ignoring it in the hopes she gets over it because he doesn’t want to lose her friendship (BTDT myself) considering the history.

tdasnowman −  Howe long have they know each other, and have you had a chance to see how she interacts with other people other than him?

tinyhermione −  I get how this is irritating. But clearly he isn’t into her. He’s know her for years. He hadn’t asked her out. He says she is like a sister to him. He choose to date you instead.

And you trust him, right? Tell him you think she likes him. But then don’t interfer in their friendship. She isn’t a threat. And being controlling just tells your BF that you don’t trust him.

Do you think the Redditor’s concerns are valid, or is she overreacting to her boyfriend’s friendship? How would you handle the situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/dPYVr