[UPDATE] My [22F] former roommate [30M] is freaking me out, what should I do?

A woman shares an update about her previous situation with a toxic living arrangement, specifically her interactions with a former roommate named John, whose hostile and aggressive behavior made her feel unsafe. After discussing the issue with her ex-boyfriend, David, and receiving advice, the woman eventually broke up with him, moved away,

and found a healthier living situation. She is now in a supportive relationship with a woman and reflects on how she allowed herself to be mistreated in the past. She expresses relief at leaving that toxic environment behind.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/lDpSh

‘ [UPDATE] My [22F] former roommate [30M] is freaking me out, what should I do?’

Shortly after this post, David and I had a sit-down talk in which I said I was no longer comfortable going over to his place. I showed him this post and how he was getting roasted in the comments. He agreed and started coming over to my place more.

However, this became more lax with time and laziness and he started asking me to come over to his house, which I hesitatingly did. Basically, it backslid into how things were before, and he made no real effort to change anything.

At no point did David consider moving out, and as far as I know, they’re still roommates. It’s been a while now, so I honestly can’t remember if John ever made an attempt at making an apology, but at any rate he never made an apology I deemed to be genuine and he always made me uneasy.

No more serious incidents occurred. John never touched me physically. For this, I feel exceedingly fortunate. A few months after I made that post, I started wanting to move away for various reasons (mostly wanting a change of scenery and culture),

and I realized that I didn’t consider my relationship valuable enough to make me want to stay. That was over a year ago. We broke up, I moved away, and in quarantine I’ve reconsidered my sexuality and am now dating a lovely, thoughtful, and supportive woman.

My life is much better now and I see that that I was allowing myself to be treated in a very horrible and toxic way. I also see that everyone in that house was — in a way — g**lighting me into thinking that John’s abuse wasn’t so bad in an effort to not “rock the boat”.

No one, at any point, made any effort to stand up for me, including my supposed romantic partner (which, honestly, now disgusts me). I’m not in touch with anyone from that circle anymore and honestly, good riddance. I’m so relieved that I never have to see any of them again.

Anyway, despite being in lockdown and living in a deep, existential anxiety, I’m very happy and life is drama-free (aside from the fact that I still have to come out to my family, lol). Thanks everyone for pushing me in the right direction.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

IlIlIlIlIlIlIlIIlI −  I loved your tl;dr and thought you were making a joke. I’m glad your life is doing better.

torndownunit −  Congratulations on everything. It was a bit frustrating in your last post seeing you constantly brush off the actions of your friends and partner. It’s great to see you realized you don’t deserve that.

Pizzaisbae13 −  Good riddance to any partner who refused to stand up for you. Glad you’re out of that situation and safe! Good luck with your girlfriend

lol1015 −  so what WAS John’s deal? was he gay and in love with David?

iluvpokemanz −  I had pretty much the exact same situation as you in college. I had a really good friend group, but one of the guys liked me and took it REALLY badly when I rejected him. He proceeded to b**ly me mercilessly, and gaslight my friends to say I was causing drama/it wasn’t that bad.

Similar to you, I received zero support from them. I have also cut off every single person from that group and am better for it. Not only was the guy himself absolute trash, but my friends weren’t real friends if they could stand by that behavior. Best of luck to you in your much improved life!

Levivianne −  Wow, a post-2yr update. Thanks for sharing your story and congrats on your current relationship.

InquisitiveJerry −  I read through your original post. It’s pretty clear what the problem with John was. I’ve seen this before (can’t remember exactly where). Anyway, I’m pretty certain that John is a vampire, and that he – at the same time – lusts after your blood and loves you deeply.

This is a pretty serious conflict for him, and difficult to manage. When he pushes you away, it’s because his blood l**t is in danger of overwhelming his deep love.. You’re welcome.

springflingqueen −  Wtf, I’m completely jealous you found a woman to date so quickly, during quarantine no less. I’ve been trying to find one for years 🤣

TinySkittles −  I hope everything goes well with your family! I’m glad you got out of it all 😊

missingchapstick −  Honestly you realizing you’re gay makes this update even better lol I’m glad u have a supportive partner now