[Update] Me [24F] with my SO [27M] of 1 year, he destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances.

A 24-year-old woman discovered shocking revelations about her boyfriend of one year after he destroyed a sentimental item. His admission that he was only attracted to her during her most vulnerable moments prompted her to end the relationship. She’s now focused on rebuilding her life and cherishing her late sister’s memory in new ways. Read her emotional update below.

‘ [Update] Me [24F] with my SO [27M] of 1 year, he destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances.’

My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents but that did not end up happening. On my way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie.

Thank you /u/70ms for the amazing, heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and the locket welded shut by a friend.

On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk. I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me.

A few commentors from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress. I just lost my sister recently, I was in a massive depression, I wasn’t myself. And that turned him on both s**ually and in a “protective” way.

Over the past few months, I’ve started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job, I’ve joined a cooking class and have gotten out more, and I’ve definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene.

He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That’s right, he is not attracted to me unless I’m upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that every one prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was “in need of rescuing”.

Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having s** with me because he could no longer be the “hero” that was rescuing me which is what turned him on in the first place.

He didn’t like go in public with me because I had started to put myself together more (like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed) and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat (taking away his damsel in distress). Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn’t in a funk anymore.

I told him if that was the case then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house which he agreed was fair.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don’t really feel like I’ve been dumped, or broke up with someone. I just feel like me. Carrie’s candle sits on my desk where the original was and I wear the locket every day. Thank you Reddit for listening. I appreciate it more than you know.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

BeepBeepRichie1 −  Eugene is a f**king n**case

illinoiscentralst −  Hey so, in a way, your sister’s candle was a warning light so that you’d catch on to how fucked up Eugene actually is. Keep swimming OP, I hope everything goes well for you.

spryfigure −  This guy is completely off his rockers. As much as the candle meant to you, it was a price to pay if it helped you get away from this c**ep. Your sister was protecting you with this candle even after she passed away. Make sure that he doesn’t develop stalkerish or obsessive tendencies. I would count the days and try to make him leave asap.

shelbyknits −  Eugene has some serious issues. I’m glad you were able to make a “new” candle and move on from Eugene. Your sister would have wanted you to be in a happy, healthy relationship — now you can find one.

DoneAllWrong −  He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That’s right, he is not attracted to me unless I’m upset, crying, and a damsel in distress.

Eugene can go f**k himself. I struggle to find an example of a bigger a**hole than him. Good for you for sticking up for yourself, making a new candle, and giving him the boot. You’ll find someone easily who is attracted to a strong, confident woman. Good riddance, Eugene! Your name sucks anyway!

[Reddit User] −  Wow. You’ve just survived an experience with an emotional predator! You deserve a fricken medal! And you handled it with grace and dignity to boot. What a great update. That locket and new candle now also signify your strength and dignity. Congrats!

[Reddit User] −  *He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me.*. Holy.. S**t. He literally wanted you to go back to depression following a traumatic loss so he could get off. He sabotaged you. He wants you to fail.

This is the first time a /r/relationships post has left me speechless. Like I’ve been staring at your post for five minutes with my jaw hanging, unsure what to say. I’m glad you’re out of there and that you have good people supporting you, and so many recent successes. Don’t look back. What a dirtbag.

alexnader −  Sweet mother of God this guy is in desperate need of some hardcore therapy. He will absolutely end up turning into a very serious abuser without it. I wish the absolute best of luck to his next victims.

silkarth −  What a twisted l**er. You did a great job showing him the door.

[Reddit User] −  Eugene is terrifying. He’s the type of guy who is going to prey upon women who are vulnerable and in distress, and stick with one who allows him to cut her down repeatedly. People like him should have warning labels tattooed on their foreheads.

Healing after betrayal takes strength, and finding clarity often comes from the most unexpected moments. Have you ever uncovered something about a partner that completely changed your perspective? Share your experiences and advice in the comments.