My husband’s family are staying at our house for 3 weeks and I’M LOSING MY MIND?

A Redditor shares their frustration about hosting their husband’s family for an extended three-week stay during the holidays. Overwhelmed by boundary violations, disregard for house rules, and the added stress of managing guests who don’t contribute, the user feels unsupported by their husband, who avoids confronting his family. Now dealing with laryngitis from stress, they question whether they’re overreacting or justified in their feelings. Read the full story below…

‘ My husband’s family are staying at our house for 3 weeks and I’M LOSING MY MIND?’

I’m one week into this nightmarish situation and I’ve already contracted laryngitis and completely lost my voice due to the stress of having my mother in law, sister in law, her 12 year old son and their two sheepdogs come to stay with us. We also have 2 medium sized dogs and a small garden so it is absolute chaos. They invited themselves to our house for Christmas and my husband allows them to stay for as long as they want.

This will be my MIL’S 4th visit to our house this year. On one of her visits she stayed for over a month. Unfortunately I’ve come to the sad realization that my husband is completely incapable of setting boundaries with any member of his family. It may have to do with the fact that he is the youngest of four siblings. So far this week, his family have come into our house and:

• Rearranged my plants in the garden because apparently they felt it would not grow well where it was.
  
• Taken our dogs water bucket without asking and rearranged the area where they eat.
  
• Constantly leave our gate open, allowing our dogs run out into the street.
  
• Haven’t offered to cook a single meal and expect my husband to do all the cooking, plus pick up the bill when we eat out.
• My SIL’s dogs have chewed up all our dogs toys which is fine, but she didn’t bring anything for her dogs to chew and hasn’t offered to replace anything.
  
• They also constantly push boundaries with my toddler and try to convince him to do things he’s not comfortable with (I step in pretty quickly but even when I set a boundary they dont abide by it which leaves me constantly repeating myself, waiting for my words to sink in)

My husband has told me he is stressed out because he doesn’t want to have to “micro-manage his family” in order to keep me happy. I’ve snapped at him once for not making more of an effort to get them to respect the fact that this is our house and to be more mindful of living in our space, but I really think he just lacks the skills to communicate with them or he is afraid of what they will say. Please tell me I am not the a-hole for feeling this way? Am I being to sensitive here? AITA

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

ExactlyThreeOpossums −  NTA, the f**k is wrong with them?

davekayaus −  You’re both doormats who are suffering due to a situation created by your spinelessness. Talk (or write!) to your husband, who can surely see the physical effect this is having on you. Work out some hard boundaries that you both agree with. Enforce these hard boundaries with the IL’s. Kick them out if they don’t agree. For starters stop spending your money on buying them restaurant meals ffs.. Never agree to host them again. If your husband doesn’t agree, leave. I’m serious. Leave the house, take your toddler and what you need, and don’t go back before they are gone.

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  Time to step it up. Tell them outright. “Dont move my plants. They are where I want them.” “Dont do that with him, he doesn’t like it.” Followup with asking them what date they are leaving. Tell your husband that if they come again without him asking you first then you’ll be packing up yourself and your kids and going to a hotel until they’re gone.. Your husband is a spineless AH.

cosmopolite24 −  OP go and stay in a hotel for the week. Lock up your stuff so it’s safe and then leave. Your husband needs to learn to be an adult and have a conversation with his family.

Salt-Finding9193 −  No more eating out! And tell hubby that the next time they ask to stay he has to repeat the following, ‘Let me just check that’s ok with wife’. . NTA.

HinataDarling −  NTA. Three weeks sounds like a whole season of a reality show nobody asked for. Maybe it’s time for a fam meeting where you lay down some house rules? Or, like, a moat around the garden?

AleYeah2006ITA −  NTA. Your feelings are completely valid—this situation sounds overwhelming. It’s your home, and your husband’s family should respect your space, boundaries, and belongings. The fact that your husband isn’t stepping up is unfair to you, especially when you’re left to manage the chaos. It might be time to sit down with your husband and have a calm but firm conversation about setting limits with his family for your well-being and sanity. Boundaries aren’t about being rude; they’re about maintaining respect and balance in your home. Stay strong!

aKirkeskov −  In Denmark we have a saying: ‘fish and guests stink on the third day’.. Three weeks would break me.

ChloeeBreeze −  You’re definitely not the a**hole… that’s a lot to deal with.. it’s one thing for family to visit but that’s just a lot of disrespectful behavior on their part.. ur husband really should be supporting u more in this .. especially since it’s ur space too .. he needs to learn how to manage his family’s behavior or this will keep happening.. you’re completely justified in feeling o**rwhelmed and upset.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  Get rid of the spare bedrooms. Tell them now that this will be the last visit ever. Three weeks is utterly ridiculous. They’ve used up all their visits for the next 20 years.