AITAH for telling my wife I’d rather her mom be homeless than let her move in with us?

A Reddit user shares their dilemma after refusing to let their troublesome mother-in-law move in with them. The mother-in-law, who has a history of toxic behavior and burning bridges, is facing eviction and turned to the user’s wife for help.

While the wife immediately offered her a place to stay, the user firmly declined, citing their small home, young kids, and past experiences with the mother-in-law’s chaos. Now the wife is furious, calling the user heartless, while they wonder if their decision was too harsh. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my wife I’d rather her mom be homeless than let her move in with us?’

My wife’s mom (62F) is terrible. She’s a professional victim who has burned every bridge in her life. She’s stolen money from family, sabotaged relationships, and once “accidentally” set a small fire in her previous apartment because she was mad at her landlord.

Now, surprise, surprise, she’s being evicted and called my wife (35F) crying about how she has “nobody else.” My wife immediately jumped to, “Of course, you can stay with us!” without consulting me.

We have two young kids, a small house, and zero tolerance for drama. The idea of her mom moving in fills me with dread. I told my wife flat-out, “I’d rather your mom be homeless than let her move in with us.” That didn’t go over well. My wife is furious and says I’m heartless.

I tried to compromise, suggesting we help pay for a short-term rental or look into senior housing, but my wife insists it’s “family or nothing.” Am I really the bad guy for setting this boundary?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

theferal1 −  NTA- stand firm! If she moves in, she might not move out. And, there’s a reason she has “nobody else” either she’s burned all her bridges or, your house would be the most comfortable place for her to be.. Not your problem.

Any-Split3724 −  NTA. Allowing anyone to move into your home is a two “yes” discussion. One no vote is all it takes to put the kibosh on the idea. Your wife needs to have the scales fall from her eyes to see the harsh truth about her mother. Offering assistance to help her transition to another short term residence was more than generous and a good compromise.

luckylimper −  Just ask your wife if you’re willing to let your babies sleep in the same house as a firestarter. And then family counseling because she hasn’t broken the hold her mother has on her.

cataphractbeaver −  NTA. Cut toxic people out. Doesn’t matter who they are. It’s either trouble now or trouble later and there’s no reason you need to wait to rip off the bandaid.

HoshiJones −  Absolutely NTA. Your wife had no right to make that offer without your assent. And if you’re smart, you’ll stick to your refusal. Your MIL sounds too toxic to unleash on your kids or yourself.

Mbt_Omega −  NTA, she set a fire! She might “accidentally” do the same there and kill your family! HELL no!

Broad_Natural_5754 −  “It’s family or nothing” Tell her that you are choosing family, your family. You are choosing to put the wellbeing of your children above all else, and that inviting toxicity into your home, like she did, would definitely break the family apart.

We invited family who were struggling to stay with us, never knowing what type of people they actually were. We’ll, we found out, and it wasn’t good for the wellbeing of our family. Thankfully they moved out and we have gone NC.

Con4America −  NTA. NO, NO, NO, NO. Do NOT let that woman move in. If she shows up, call the police. Make it very clear you mean business. That woman will not leave once she gets in your house. If she still persists, ask her if she would rather have you and the kids or her mom because you will be filing for divorce if the mom moves in. Follow through and do your best to get custody. The kids don’t need to be in a home with that woman.

Scarletgloow −  NTA at all. It’s understandable that ur wife feels bad for her mom, but she needs to realize that her mom’s actions have consequences. Like, setting a fire bec u were mad at ur landlord? That’s not normal. It’s not ur responsibility to fix her mom’s life, especially when it will negatively impact ur kids and ur own well being. U offered reasonable alternatives, and ur wife isn’t being fair by saying family or nothing.

Strathmonger −  NTA. Tell the wife you checked, and your insurance policy will be null and void if you knowingly let an arsonist move in. If its legit NOT voided by living with somene syspected if intentional damage I’d be VERY surprised!