My (32M) fiancée (33F) might be emotionally a**sive and I feel stuck?

A Reddit user (32M) shared his concerns about his fiancée’s (33F) emotionally abusive behavior, including constant demands for attention, aggressive reactions when he needs space, and constant criticism.

Despite working together and spending time together daily, he feels trapped in the relationship, with his anxiety escalating. He’s questioning whether he can go through with their upcoming wedding. Read the full story below to see how he’s grappling with this dilemma.

‘ My (32M) fiancée (33F) might be emotionally a**sive and I feel stuck?’

My fiancée (33F) may be emotionally a**sive and I feel trapped and stuck in the relationship. She needs my 24/7 attention. This is through constant texting and saying random things to divert my attention from whatever I was doing so I can look at her.

She has gotten angry and aggressive with me many times when I haven’t responded back to a text within a specified time frame. She will text me things like: “HELLOO???? WHY HAVEN’T YOU RESPONDED?” and “DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?” All in caps too. She has called me angrily if I don’t respond also.

She hates when I need time alone to decompress and relax and doesn’t understand why I can’t just be in the same room with her all the time. She claims I never spend any time with her and I don’t care about her. We both work from home and I see her everyday and we eat dinner together every night and do things together all the time. She is basically the only person I see.

She screams at me at the top of her lungs during disagreements including the use of these phrases: “F*CK YOU”, “WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND BREAK UP WITH ME”, “YOU S**K”, “YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME.” These are usually minor disagreements and when I try and tell her to stop yelling at me, it gets worse. She ends up throwing things (not at me), but she throws things and hits tables and surfaces with her hand or fist.

She nitpicks everything I do. An example is if I am cooking dinner she criticizes how I cook something – even if it is not wrong – it is not how she would do it or it is not the most efficient way she sees it. She thinks she is always right all the time. She tells people how to do things by giving them unsolicited advice.

She hates when I hang out with my friends and she is not invited or not there. She has historically tried to come up with excuses for why I shouldn’t hang out with them and has resorted to crying to get me to stay home.

She is loud and interrupts people while they are speaking and in the middle of a thought. She interrupts people and starts talking about herself and the things she has done in situations people are currently talking about. She always brings a conversation back to herself.

My friends have expressed concerns and some don’t want to hang out with me anymore because they can’t stand her. She has completely copied things my friends do. My friends have told me they can’t stand her.

Lately I feel sick to my stomach and feel like I am going crazy. My body is telling me this is all wrong and my anxiety is through the roof. I feel trapped in this relationship. I don’t think I can go through with the wedding which is 6 months away. I feel terrible saying this, but I am hitting a breaking point.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

UnusualPotato1515 −  You are being emotionally and verbally being abused. Just break up with her and call off the wedding! You and everyone around you will be much happier. It’s much cheaper to lose some money on wedding vendors than a divorce down the line. Your fiancée has some serious issues and her abuse has affected your mental health so you need to plan an exit ASAP.

She sounds very unhinged so you need to break up with her in somewhere public or friends present because she seems like type that would abuse you or accuse you of abuse & ruin your life. Dont also fall for any manipulation tactics like threatening to kill herself if you break up with her – that’s when you call the authorities to deal with that threat as thats not your job.

Far-Cup9063 −  Recognize that this relationship has gone bad. If it was ever good, or had good parts to it, that is now gone. Don’t feel terrible at all! She isn’t the girl you thought she was, or hoped she was. She’s mean. Leave and don’t look back. You don’t owe her one thing.

drPmakes −  Do not, under any circumstances marry her. Get all your ducks in a row-sort out a new place to live etc BEFORE you d**p her. If you think she will kick off have a friend come with or write a letter and then leg it. Block her. She will manufacture reasons she HAS to talk to you, anticipate them and take preemptive action. She will talk s**t about you-be ready for it but don’t engage.. You can do it!

Smart_Negotiation_31 −

1. This will only get worse with time

2. If you plan on kids, that will increase her stress, which will increase her abuse. She will also treat them horribly.

3. Divorce is much harder than breaking off an engagement

4. Marrying her and all the time wasted will be your life’s biggest regret. You’ll end up hating her and hating yourself.

OP, you’ve lost who you are in this relationship. You see it, your friends see it, and strangers on the internet see it. Take your power back and leave this miserable, controlling woman. You will be SO much happier.

AlokFluff −  You are right, this behaviour is a**sive, it’s not okay, and you deserve better. Not going through with the wedding is a very smart move.

wordsmythy −  First step, canceled the wedding. If you can’t get away from her, if you feel unable to make that complete break, demand that she go to counseling with you. At the very least, the counselor will help you set up boundaries. By the way, you should listen to your friends. They can’t stand her, but it sounds like you can’t stand her either.

FUK_U_REDDIT_90 −  OP just get your stuff out and leave! My ex fiance is like that, very verbally a**sive. It has to stop, why are you tolerant of such disrespect??  You need therapy! Get out now, who needs that verbiage every DAY? Tell GF to seek psychiatric care and help ASAP! Bums up and out the door! UK 😘🇬🇧😂

macimom −  Do you have someone you can move in with? When she is out move your stuff and then meet in a public place and tell her it’s over. Block her. If you are renting and on the lease find a sublettor. If you bought together talk to a realtor

Angry_Sparrow −  You may find the book “why does he do that: inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft helpful. It is for all genders but Lundy works with a**sive men, hence the title. It is helpful for seeing the abuse for what it is and getting out of the confusion that the abuser creates in your mind.

Puzzleheaded_Gear622 −  Why don’t you go ahead and break up with her? Holy cow! You shouldn’t even have to ask. Life’s too short to deal with somebody who can’t control their emotions and is pissed off all the time.

Do you think the fiancé is in an emotionally abusive relationship, or is this a misunderstanding that could be resolved with better communication? How would you approach this situation if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!