I [25F] feel paranoid and jealous of my boyfriend’s [25M] coworker [24F] and I don’t know how to handle it or what to think?
A Reddit user shares her struggle with feelings of jealousy and paranoia about her boyfriend’s coworker, who has become a prominent figure in his stories and even invited herself to his mom’s birthday celebration. Despite her efforts to trust him, the situation has left her questioning her behavior and how to manage her emotions. Read the full story below.
‘ I [25F] feel paranoid and jealous of my boyfriend’s [25M] coworker [24F] and I don’t know how to handle it or what to think?’
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. Coworker girl is supposedly engaged to her boyfriend He started working a temporary job probably 2 months ago now. He talked about this 1 girl that is his manager a lot about how she is trying to move him up, and how she’s expressed that she likes him working there, but I didn’t really think anything of it.
Then one day we are drinking and hanging out with his friends and he brings her up. Talks about how she’s so cool and they have a lot in common with a big smile on his face. Then he goes on to say that she really wants to meet me and become “best friends” with me.
In my head I thought that was a bit weird, I mean he’s only been working there a month and she’s saying things like if they’ve been friends for a while. That’s when I start to feel a little weird about it, but I didn’t say anything and I started talking about something else.
Later in the evening when it’s just me and him, he asked why I changed the subject when he was talking about her. I said cause I felt weird how he randomly brought up his coworker while we are hanging out with friends, and the way he was talking about her.
Thats when I finally asked how old she was. 24. I asked to see a picture of her and yup she’s pretty and his type. This whole time I pictured someone that was like 35 for some reason. Anyway, she’s the lead in every story he tells about work, so I asked if they’re getting close.
He says he doesn’t really know what I mean and says no. We got into an argument about her and I agreed to back off because he says there’s nothing. I will admit I wasn’t being the most civil person about this, I did accuse him of liking her which caused the argument.
Another month goes by and he avoids saying her name now except for the fact that they asked her to make a list of employees that she wants to keep (cause its a temp job) and that she put his name on the top of her list cause she “really likes him” . I just say good for you.
Last night we were talking about how his family and I, are going out for his mom’s birthday to a pop-up bar after he gets off of work today. He mentions something about her, and how he doesn’t want to let her down at work on a responsibility or something and that he’s gonna leave work early to make it to his mom’s birthday.
Then he gets a smile on his face and says she’s supposed to be there. I’m like… what do you mean she’s supposed to be there? He said he mentioned the bar that we’re going to and that she invited herself because it’s close to her house. I was like umm well that’s kind of weird for a coworker to invite herself to your mom’s birthday.
Then he says I’m being judgmental and that just cause I wouldn’t do that, doesn’t make it weird. Okay that’s fair, but I just do find it weird and inappropriate? Then I start questioning how close they are, because she feels comfortable enough to invite herself to his mom’s birthday. He says they’re friendly.
I ask him if she wants her there. He says well yeah I would’ve wanted to invite her myself but I knew you would freak out if I did. I’m like well… Why do you want this random coworker you’ve known for 2 months to meet your whole family? He says it’s not a big deal, he only wanted to cause she lives close.
I say listen, I’m friendly to my coworkers too but I just can’t imagine myself or them inviting themselves to my mom’s bday. Again, he says I’m being judgmental. Then in the morning he says that she’s going with her friend and that she’s just going to say hi.
I felt it was weird he didn’t mention that before, he acted like she was gonna be joining us the night before. Anyway, I was being an a**hole about it and said I wasn’t going to be nice to her. Then I calmed down and apologized for being an a**hole but I will admit I was being paranoid and jealous about this whole thing.
He gets really mad at one point and says that he went out to eat with his coworkers one day but didn’t tell me, because he *knew* I would get mad at him for her being there. Made me feel like s**t about myself, while simultaneously made me worry about what else he has kept from me.
Anyway I feel like a batshit crazy insane paranoid gf and I want to stop. I don’t know what to honestly cause I really don’t feel like I trust this girl but I also want to stop causing these problems in my relationship because I’m jealous.
(Also yes he has other girl friends that he’s been friends with for years. No I have never been this jealous in my entire life, most of my jealousy has lasted like 10 min and then I come to my senses.)
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
naiveistupid − I’m definitely on your side? It feels sketchy
allbutluk − Girl im a dude, no dudes will Just bring up another girl constantly. Most of the time our brains are off.
Sweaty-Pair3821 − oh he’s caught feelings alright.
blackcatsneakattack − Yeah, absolutely no good is going to come from this.
theladyorchid − You’re not paranoid; you’re observant
linguisticabstractn − Everyone gets crushes on coworkers. Doesn’t matter if you’re in a new relationship or been married for a decade. It happens. It’s normal. Now what you do about it is a big indicator of what your character is.
Your boyfriend’s reaction to this indicates some troubling weaknesses in his character. The appropriate response is to disengage and do not escalate. His response is invite her to a family get together.. Yikes!
But yes, this is a crush. Again, this is normal and not in and of itself an indication that someone will cheat or blow up your whole relationship. But man, it seems like he’s got some serious growing up to do. I mean, you both do, your mid twenties are rough like that, but… yeah, yikes.
fearless-artichoke91 − Something is up….he definitely has a crush on her
LongjumpingAgency245 − When does the temp job end? He is cheating.
rghabchi − lol leave him, you are not crazy, he is making you feel crazy
LilMama1908 − NTA – its always the one he says not to worry about – that is definitely the one you should worry about- at the very least he has a crush and it’s growing- trust your instincts-
Do you think the user’s concerns about her boyfriend’s coworker are valid, or are her feelings of jealousy overshadowing trust in their relationship? How would you approach a situation where your partner’s friendliness with someone makes you uncomfortable? Share your insights below!