We were trying to buy a couch and my bf bought a condo?

A Reddit user shared their feelings of confusion and guilt after their boyfriend (38M) bought a condo, a decision she fully acknowledges was financially sound but feels conflicted about. They had been excited about buying furniture together, but now she’s struggling with resentment, especially because the condo doesn’t allow pets—something she deeply values.

While she recognizes that her feelings may seem trivial, she’s unsure how to reconcile them with her desire to be supportive of his big life milestone. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ We were trying to buy a couch and my bf bought a condo?’

I (27F) am in a very different place than my bf (38M). We’ve been together for 3 yrs. We moved in together about a year and a half ago. A few months ago we were trying to buy our first piece of furniture together (a couch) and it was really exciting. But before we ever managed a couch, he bought a condo.

I was/am in no way financially stable enough to buy a home, a condo… or even a fancy cardboard box, really… But we do talk about having a future together, and what we want that to look like. The place he bought doesn’t seem conducive to the things we talked about, but…

The place he bought WAS a really good financial investment. So I know that I shouldn’t be upset because logically it WAS the right decision for him to buy a place that made sense for him. And this place makes all the sense. You don’t make huge decisions like that based on gf/bfs.

He made a really good decision for him and this is a huge step for him and I should be happy and excited to move into a new place together. I should be happy that he wants to share his first home with me. He’s tried to include me in renovation decisions. He’s been really sweet and he has done EVERYTHING RIGHT.

But also he chose a place that doesn’t allow pets. Animals are a HUGE part of my life (to the point that I chose my career path based on this passion) and like… I would LOVE to foster sometime in the future. Or own a dog. Always wanted a dog. But am I actually in a place to have a dog yet? No. I don’t have the time or energy for a dog right now.

Plus… we were already living somewhere that doesn’t allow pets. So “BUT I WaNteD a PuPPer” is a really, really stupid reason to feel resentful. There is literally no reason for me to be upset or hurt or any of these things.

I KNOW I should be happy. He just accomplished a HUGE milestone and I should literally be celebrating it and instead I am just the crusher of joy and can’t stop thinking about how this impacts me instead of being excited about his accomplishment and wanting HIM to be happy.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

tsukiii −  Are you saying he didn’t talk to you at all about the homebuying process? And this is a home you will presumably move into with him?

Revolutionary_Cap557 −  The way you keep telling yourself ‘there’s no reason to be upset/resentful’ is my biggest concern here. Your feelings are valid. Tell yourself, ‘it makes sense I’m feeling resentful because I feel like something of my future has been decided without my consent’ (or whatever makes sense for you).

You’re okay to have feelings about what happened! That’s valid and understandable. You can be upset even if there’s ACTUALLY no reason. What you decide to do with your emotions and the info they give you is up to you. But your emotions are just information from your body, and they are always valid. ♥️

Brynhild −  Uhh was there no discussion whatsoever before he bought it? You’ve been together 3 years, you’re not just casual gf/bf. If there was no discussion, I’m sorry but he might not be as serious as you are about your relationship.

miserylovescomputers −  I don’t see how it’s egocentric of you to want to have input in where you live, and it’s bizarre for a person in a long term relationship to make a huge decision like buying a home without at least discussing it with their partner first. I would not move into this place with him. He is not as invested in this relationship as you are.

cyberthief −  He bought a condo. Are you moving into it also? Are you also going to be also paying for it? Will you get some return on this investment that you would be paying into, if you will be paying for it? If you don’t make as much money as him…

will you be sharing bills based on the amount you make compared to him? Since you can’t afford as much as he can. And how did he buy a home without talking about it with you when you’ve been together for 3 years??

Summer_is_coming_1 −  This is why you date your age group.,

UbePhaeri −  What do you mean there is no reason to be upset? He made a huge financial and lifestyle decision without you. This is break up worthy.
You have been dating 3 years. Unless you’ve discussed not living together, that is the time where you make those decisions together as you are long term.

You are also at an age where 3 years is more than enough to see a future and know what you want. You do not make big financial decisions alone unless you plan to be single. He not only made a huge financial decision but he made one knowing you’d just have to give up the idea of pets knowing it is a huge part of who you are.

Who you are, your future and your relationship was of no concern to him even if he tries to spin it that way. This is a glimpse into the ever further future.
This is the point where you decide whether you want to continue with someone who has made a clear signal how he feels about you.

You need to sit down and talk this out but also get your ducks in a row to leave. You don’t want to be helping pay a mortgage you don’t want. Edit: What do you want for the future? Is this an investment property only? Are you combining finances? Will you pay towards this?

If you get married, since this isn’t your ideal home you’d choose, is there going to be a prenup in which he is responsible for the payments and he owns the home? Are you going to be able to move into a home that fits both of your needs? You shouldn’t feel like just because you can contribute less that means (assuming you get married) you need to give up your wants in a home.

KaozawaLurel −  Let’s say 3 years is not very long (it is and isn’t). Him buying a place for himself isn’t so much of a red flag as the fact that he felt no desire to talk to you about a huge milestone in his life. He should WANT to share this with you. He seems a bit uninvested in you and your relationship, OP.

ruta_skadi −  I would absolutely not move in with him and would probably break up. It’s crazy to me that he would make a unilateral decision about buying a place, not even discussing it with you, *while you already live together* and just assumes you will move there with him.

Who wants to live somewhere they had zero say in choosing? What other big decisions is he going to make without including you? Who wants to be with someone like that?

bugscuz −  Plus… we were already living somewhere that doesn’t allow pets. So “BUT I WaNteD a PuPPer” is a really, really stupid reason to feel resentful.
No it’s not. You were RENTING a place that doesn’t allow pets. That doesn’t mean that’s what you wanted for the next 50 years or so.

I’d personally tell him to enjoy living at his condo but you will be staying in rentals until you’re ready to buy yourself. Maybe he can rent out the condo in the meantime but he doesn’t get to make a unilateral decision for your relationship that will dictate essentially the rest of your life.

The only unilateral decision he gets to make about your relationship is if he decides it’s ending. TBH this is the main reason age gap relationships rub me the wrong way. The younger one is always in a position of having to feel like they’re not mature or rational enough for the older one,

the older one starts to act in a parental way making decisions for the younger one “for their own good” without discussing it with them because they feel like they can just go ahead and do it because they’re older and you’ve been trained your whole life to defer to your elders.

There’s a clear power imbalance here and you’re on the s**tty end of it. A partnership is about making those decisions together.