My girlfriend(F21) rejected my(M21) proposal because it didn’t meet her expectations

A Reddit user shared a heartfelt story about proposing to his girlfriend during a trip to Hawaii after six years of dating. Despite their shared excitement about marriage, she rejected his proposal, not because she didn’t want to marry him, but because the moment didn’t meet her grand expectations.

This led to tension during their vacation and left him questioning their future together. Read the full story below to explore the complexities of their relationship and his dilemma.

‘ My girlfriend(F21) rejected my(M21) proposal because it didn’t meet her expectations ?’

For context, My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and over thanksgiving weekend I took her on a weeklong trip to Hawai’i with the intention of proposing to her, I even asked her parents for their blessing and showed them the ring a couple days before we left for the trip.

We have talked about marriage before and we’ve both agreed that we want to marry each other, so the idea of it is nothing new and actually a frequent topic. The issue is that she wanted a grand wedding proposal similar to the ones you might see on tiktok/instagram;

Big “MARRY ME” letters on the beach, rose petals on the ground, lights, mariachi, etc. I was absolutely on board on doing that for her if it made her happy, but that was something to be planned at a beach back at home since I wouldn’t have the resources to plan it for a trip to somewhere we’ve never been,

especially because we booked everything as a last minute vacation just 5 days prior, ironically after she sent me videos of people vacationing in Hawaii. I believed this would be a great opportunity though. I planned to propose to her on the day we arrived.

I carried the ring in my pocket all day waiting for a good opportunity to ask her (knowing it wasn’t going to be a grand proposal like she had hoped, but I thought because of the circumstances she would be happy)however we had some completely unnecessary arguments and I decided to postpone because I didn’t want to do it after a bitter day.

Second day there, we had booked a reservation to go parasailing. I didn’t want to risk losing the ring, so I left it back at the hotel. We didn’t get back to the hotel until ~5pm and we started getting ready to go back out in the city, by this time it was already starting to get dark.

She’s said before that she would want a sunset proposal, and knowing that I couldn’t organize any of the other things she had in mind for a proposal, the sunset was the only thing I had. I missed my chance on that but we still went out to dinner and drinks. We came back to the hotel afterwards because she was tired (I was too, it was an eventful day).

I let her rest for a bit and around 10:30 I convinced her to go on a night walk with me at the beach. This was when I planned to propose to her. We got to the beach, the city was very much still awake and the lights of the buildings and streets combined with the bright moon illuminated the ocean beautifully.

We stood there hugging and kissing, both knowing it was a beautiful and intimate moment. I started telling her how much I love her and how I want to be with her my entire life etc. As I started to get on my knee and reaching my pocket for the ring, she stopped me. “I hope you’re not about to propose to me right now, this isn’t what I expected”.

My heart dropped, I got back up and stood speechless before starting to walk back to the hotel. I was in no mood to talk about the situation and told her we should talk about it tomorrow. We talked about it the next day and she insists on me doing it again, but this time “the right way” during sunset.

I tell her I can’t do that because she rejected me already. She tells me she didn’t reject it, just simply it wasn’t how she would have wanted it to happen. We spent the next 4 days in Hawaii in a very tense state but we had to deal with it until we got back home.

We live together and for the first night she went to sleep with her parents, now she came back but I don’t want to be home with her there.
What can be the outcome of the situation?

I obviously didn’t want this to happen during our vacation, but I can’t see it other way. Is this a valid reason for me not wanting to be with her anymore? I also don’t think it’s right for me to redo the proposal.

 

Check out how the community responded:

hotelparisian −  You guys are kids, behave like kids, and should not rush into any engagement.

Dizzy-Bench2784 −  U dodged a bullet , shouldn’t be proposing at 21. At what beach was it?

maddie_li0n −  I’d say both of you are in the wrong and I’d think carefully about if you guys are right for each other, especially since you’re so young. Yes it’s bad that she wanted an over the top proposal just for Instagram, but you didn’t even listen to a single other thing she wanted.

I think it’s fine you weren’t able to make it huge and Instagram worthy, but then you didn’t listen to her about anything else. She wanted it at sunset and some sort of romance like flowers etc to go with it.

Neither of those are big asks, but you decided to do none of that and dragged her back out when she was tired after a long day. I’d be upset with you as well since you’ve talked about what she wants several times. That makes it seem like you either didn’t listen to her or didn’t want to put in the effort to plan ahead.

bangitybangbabang −  Whilst I understand it must hurt to be rejected, I’m not sure why you chose to propose at this time. It sounds like she made her wishes clear and you compromised on or disregarded all of them. Ideally you’d only experience one proposal in your life so why not do it right?

You know what she wanted, didn’t do it, then got confused when she wasn’t happy. Personally I think even after 6 years you’re too young to get married, this may just be you guys discovering some fundamental differences in priorities

Psuedo_Pixie −  Ooof. I totally understand where you’re coming from, and why you feel so hurt by her response. That said, it sounds like you went against your better judgment here. You knew exactly what she was dreaming of, and you knew it was something that you could have arranged locally for a fraction of the cost.

You also knew from the outset of the trip that it would not be possible to make those arrangements on short notice in Hawaii (although I would quibble with your assumption here, as the concierge of your hotel likely could have pulled some strings to help make your proposal amazing).

But you didn’t actually TRY to make anything that you knew she hoped for happen. You were excited about the trip, and believed just being in Hawaii was so romantic that you no longer had to plan anything else. The problem is, it sounds like the planning aspect of the proposal was the most important aspect for her.

Like she wanted to feel that her future husband is willing to put forth time and effort to make her dream a reality. I don’t think her reaction automatically means she is entitled. Unappreciative? Maybe. A little rigid? Probably.

But I really get the feeling that she wanted you to try to make her vision come true, because that would mean you value her happiness and preferences. I also think you guys are probably too young to make this commitment, and this argument is a good example of why. It’s really hard to have perspective at 21.

Bee5431 −  I’m almost certain the hotel staff would help you put marry me flowers on a beach or you could have searched Reddit. A stranger can help with that. You can hire someone on task rabbit. You didn’t even try! I don’t think either of you should think about an engagement right now.

PirateArtemis −  Everyone is supporting you here but you knew it wasn’t what she imagined. She wants something big and romantic and while you were happy with a more intimate moment, you should be trying to propose in the way she wants, otherwise it looks like you didn’t listen.

midnightsunexposed −  What’s crazy to me is you knew what kind of proposal she wanted. And yet you did everything BUT that. I guess it’s never enough to communicate what you want, the other party must also COMPREHEND. Lol

Elizabeth9996 −  I am surprised at all the comments telling you to break up w your gf, you guys have been dating 6 years and I think you can get over being “rejected”. Also lots of people thinking shes ungrateful because of the hawaii trip

but honestly a lot of her demand were more so being thoughtful and doing things to prepare which are relatively cheap, the girlfriend didnt beg or ask to go to hawaii for a proposal (judging off the post).

You dont need to rush a proposal youre relatively young and I dont see why you felt the need to given it didnt fit any of her criteria. You should have been considerate and not scheduled anything for one day to propose and fit her needs.

megsan2711 −  I mean… you didn’t do any other thing that she wanted. Maybe she’s high maintenance but you disregarded everything else that she wanted and did it your way and are now upset because she’s upset. You both sound too immature to get married and also like you’re not compatible, so it might be better to reconsider things.

Do you think it’s reasonable for the girlfriend to expect a picture-perfect proposal, or should she have appreciated the heartfelt effort in the moment? How would you handle the emotional aftermath of such a rejection? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!