AITAH for not wanting another child with my wife?

A Reddit user shared a difficult dilemma with his wife about having more children. Despite his clear stance against having more kids due to the challenges they face with their autistic son, their young daughter, and their unstable financial situation.

His wife continues to push for another child. The user also feels trapped living with his in-laws and is torn between his desires for stability and his wife’s attachment to her family. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for not wanting another child with my wife?’

I (34m) have been telling my wife for years I did not want more children. We have an 8yr old boy who is autistic and requires extra attention and a 4-yr old girl who’s personality makes her a handful. After the birth of our son and finding out he was autistic I decided more kids probably wouldn’t be in our future.

He was nonverbal basically until the end of kindergarten, and again just requires extra attention if we want any hope of him being able to have any sort of life after my wife I are gone. I was already pressured into giving her our daughter. We fought and fought about it and I ultimately caved in.

For a while after our daughter was born, I resented her though. That passed in a few weeks, and I let my love for her show finally. Now 4 years later I’m in the same scenario. My wife wants another child, but I do not. Kids are exhausting, expensive and require a level of attention I sometimes struggle with.

Not only that I feel we are not financially stable. We live with my in laws so granted we aren’t very hard off, we just don’t have any hope of ever getting a place of our own as we live in probably the most expensive state in the US.

My 80k/ yr here doesn’t do much. On top of that she refuses to think of a life away from her mom and flat out denies any sort of idea that requires us moving and starting our own life.

She says she doesn’t want to be away from her mom because she won’t live forever. Keep in mind I am 1600 miles away from my closest family member, and I go years without seeing them and that breaks my heart.

See what others had to share with OP:

WhichCod6368 −  Dude, it’s time to get a vasectomy. Just do it and move on.. NTA

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA. Schedule a vasectomy first thing tomorrow. And press for the earliest possible appointment. Otherwise, I see a “surprise” pregnancy in your future.

Silent-Yak-4331 −  NTA. Woman here. Get the vasectomy like yesterday. With her attitude there is no safe birth control.. And please go see your family.

grayblue_grrl −  Wow. Seems like you have handed your life over to someone else that you knew wasn’t going to care about what you wanted.. Do have a vasectomy. Do not have a baby (or even s** until you are free and clear).. And see a therapist.. NTA

HoshiJones −  NTA. Your wife sounds extremely selfish. Are you certain she loves you? Because it doesn’t seem like it. Between the kids and refusing to move away from her mother even though you miss your family desperately – does she consider your feelings at all?
Have you considered getting a vasectomy? Or a divorce?

Momof2dj −  Female here! Time for a snip snip lol if a woman can say my body my choice so can men! If you don’t want any more babys then dont!

writing_mm_romance −  Honestly, I agree with the others, snip and clip. Then, I would seriously evaluate your relationship. What is being done for you? You live with her mother because she demands it, you can’t move because she demands it, you have two kids because she demands it.

A marriage should be a partnership, kids should be a 2 yes decision (uncoerced)…you are living in an authoritarian regime my friend, and it sounds like you’re responsible for funding it too. That doesn’t sound healthy or sustainable.

Left_Needleworker539 −  NTA – your body, your choice.

mocha_lattes_ −  Go see your family and schedule a vasectomy while you are there. Make sure you find someone local to do the follow ups with to make sure you can’t have more kids.

Also consider divorce if you are really so unhappy and your wife refuses to compromise with you. You can give your kids a better home life if you two are split and happy than unhappily married and resenting each other.

Alarmed_Lynx_7148 −  Stand your ground. You have a say in this also. Tell her you’re not having any more kids and that’s that. Anymore discussion will be just coercion.. NTA

Do you think the user was right to stand firm against having more children given their current circumstances, or should he have considered his wife’s wishes more? How would you handle balancing family obligations with personal desires? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!